[Iwolf01]

A recent CBTI session with my therapist involved her getting me to think about the recurring thoughts I have that cause me to stay awake. This is done so that you can identify the thought, identify why it is negative (am I magnifying, personifying, etc, the problem?), identify two positive counterarguments, and rate how strongly I believe the negative or positive thoughts. It sounds confusing but it allowed me to identify that I often place a lot of blame on myself, and this insecurity keeps recurring when I’m tossing and turning. I tell myself that it is my fault, if I had done this different, if I had done this better, I wouldn’t be in this situation, but my therapist explained that everyone makes mistakes and that there was no way I would have known any better. She told me that it wasn’t my fault and that instantly made me emotional, which is rare. I waited for our session to end before crying, but she could tell that it affected me and told me that the reason I’m so wired (in other words why I can’t sleep) is because my thoughts tell my body that I am in danger and so cortisol is released in my body. The body can naturally counteract this by releasing oxytocin when you cry (or have sex), along with other endorphins, reducing your cortisol and making you feel relaxed. Unfortunately, we’re so used to putting up with stress and told to keep a stiff upper lip, that crying is weakness, that we should never show our emotions, that we learn to live with the stress. This is the wrong approach. let yourself get emotional and feel real feelings that aren’t stress hormones. You are doing the natural thing and it feels right. Just maybe try not to cry during sex 🙂

[Martin Reed]

I couldn’t agree more — so much of our struggle as human beings comes from trying to control what we think and how we feel, and not being kind to ourselves when things are difficult.

Thanks for sharing!

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