[Flying Fish]

I started having sleep problems over a year ago when my baby started waking me frequently in the night, about every 30 mins- 1 hour at the worst, at the best there would be periods of 2-3 hours at the first half of the night where I wouldn’t be disturbed. That went on for a few months. I started off struggling to get back to sleep and as it got worse progressed to struggling to get to sleep at all as well. At its worst I got 5 hours sleep over 5 nights- two nights of 2h, one night of 1h and two nights in a row with none at all. I was managing to get 3-5 hours interrupted sleep other nights. But even though I was struggling with lack of sleep (brain fog, couldn’t remember or think easily, felt shakey, heart pounding etc) i didn’t feel tired at all in the day or the night. There were weeks where i felt like i was constantly on high alert with adrenaline. I wasn’t feel wide awake and able to function properly, just never tired.

I managed to gradually start sleeping longer a little while after my baby started sleeping for longer periods, and it got better to the point where i was sleeping most of the night (with interruptions several times), but I’d still struggle feeling tired, just not as badly as before.

Now my baby has waking me up again more and I’m starting struggling getting to sleep and getting back to sleep again, and I’ve noticed I’m not feeling tired again. I’m finding it incredibly frustrating knowing I’m exhausted and need sleep but not feeling tired! The last time of sleeping badly caused all sorts of havoc with my health which made life difficult, and the brain fog made it too dangerous to drive and difficult to do things. I really don’t want it to get as bad as it was again.

Most of the things I’ve read about sleep say about people feeling tired and not being able to sleep-I’ve not found anything that explains/helps with being sleep deprived but never feeling tired. I just really want to know I’m not alone with this? And I’m interested to know how and why it’s happening. I assume because I’m being woken so much my body’s going into ‘oh no, there must be some big emergency’ mode and keeping me awake to deal with the ‘danger’ but why carry on keeping me awake for months even though it’s clearly making me ill? Anyone else have the same/understand?

[hiker]

Hi Flying Fish, I am wondering if you have not had responses because the “headline” of your post says you are not tired, i.e. so what’s the problem.

Anyway, I am sort of guessing that when you say “I’m not tired” you mean “I’m not sleepy.” And that you want to sleep but you are too hyped up, i.e. not tired.

I have never dealt with the challenge of a new baby. So I can only guess that especially with a first baby, that a new mother would worry, and get hyper-vigilant to try to combat anything which might happen, real or perceived.

I can say I know about hyper-vigilance from other causes, and I lived for many years very tired but not sleepy, and yes, it does affect how well you manage (not that you will for many years, I had to deal with severe childhood trauma buried deep, etc etc.).

But it got better for me, so I think it can for you, too. The biggest shift for me was finally learning that my thoughts are what go through my mind whenever they feel like it, and that I do not have to buy into them. I used to think that ‘I am my thoughts.’

Besides therapy because of my situation, I found mindfulness to be a big help. I know it is a fad at present, but it goes back centuries (suggest palousemindfulness.com to see if it speaks to you). And Martin stresses this a lot: cognitive behavior therapy really explores how thoughts and how much we buy into them can affect how we live.

Hang in there, and I am glad you reached out on this site.

[Martin Reed]

What you are experiencing isn’t unusual, Flying Fish. Here’s a video about this that might be helpful: How to improve sleep when you don’t feel sleepy and don’t know how to get sleepy.

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