[NikkiInTheDesert85]

I’m terrified to sleep and have been for the past 15 years. It all started when I was 19 after I had what I was told was an panic attack after surgery (one of many surgeries) After the nurses helped me get myself together, I remember saying to myself “everthing will be ok once you go to sleep and wake up then out of nowhere I had the thought “if you go to sleep you won’t wake up” and my life as I knew it was over. This fear has completly ruined my life, it took me almost 15 years to get my first degree, I’m now almost done with my secound degree, and hope to go to law school; however, I feel like my life has come to a complete halt, I’m having a sever bout with sleep fear, I’m terrified that I wont wake up, I’m always chronically fatigued, brain fog like you would not believe, and when I do sleep it’s never at an appropriate time and I always wake feeling as though I did not sleep at all. The fear is so sever and I do not know what to do, I feel hopeless and always feel physically horrible. I do not and have never taken medication for this problem and the therapist I have been to, had no clue how to help me. I use to LOVE sleep and slept like a baby before this fear developed, I just want to get back to that and move on with my life, it’s been 15 years of hell and I need help. If anyone have been through this, or is currently gling through this, please share what have or is helping you. It’s so hard and uncomftable to sleep with sever fear, and a severly fatigued, anxiety filled body. I want to try CBT-I, however, don’t know if it’s the answer considering my problem is phobia related.

[Edgar]

Hi,

I’ll put something out there just so as to not leave you hanging, though I’m not sure what to say.

I’ve suffered from insomnia all my life. I’ve been through different variations of it, including a period of intense fear/dread of going to bed, or of the approaching night. That dread is not uncommon to anybody who ever had serious trouble sleeping.
Also, my insomnia started with a simple stupid thought just like yours, except my thought was “What if I don’t fall asleep tonight”. And voila, I didn’t.

And still can’t, only difference is now I’m struggling in different ways.

Anyway, back to your post – from what I understand, you don’t fear not being able to fall asleep, you fear not waking up once you do. I must confess I never heard of something like that, but you can’t be the only one, so somebody somewhere has gotten over it.
I’m guessing that this phobia means you are having trouble falling asleep (onset insomnia)?
Given that you must eventually fall sleep, what happens then? Can you maintain your sleep for as long as you need?
Did the clueless psych at least give you any suggestions on how to relax or some low-dose anti-anxiety drug for occasional relief?

For what it’s worth, my fear of sleep is long gone. I struggle with sleep maintenance now, which is a different thing altogether, but irrelevant for you case. The fear just sort of went away when I got tired of fighting it. But like I said, my reason for fear was different, so I don’t know.

[DrummerFrank]

I have developed a sleep phobia myself. My first sleepless night during this quarantine happened like March 24th I believe, and since then, I’ve found it scary to go to my bed. Consciously, I find it ridiculous, but subconsciously it’s been a hard habit to break. I’ve been sleeping over my mom’s place, as I’ve felt comfort being around her (she also doesn’t sleep well). I’ve also developed this habit of passing out at 9:30PM to about 1AM-2AM, and then barely getting any other sleep after. Even the 9:30-1 “sleep” seems very light, as I still hear my surroundings. My mom checks in on me and says that I light snore and remain still, and swears that still registers as sleep, but I still obsess over what is actual sleep these days? Martin has certainly quelled my fears over my chronic insomnia causing health probs. It’s good to know that there’s no direct link between the 2. Funny enough, I still feel pretty good during the day. It’s only the completely sleepless nights when I feel awful. Fortunately those haven’t happened much.

[Martin Reed]

Welcome to the forum, NikkiInTheDesert85. What you have described, although distressing, is not particularly unusual. Your experience with insomnia is pretty typical — it began with an identifiable trigger and became perpetuated by thoughts, worries, and behaviors developed in response.

You might find this video helpful: Watch me use my mystical powers to reveal how your sleep issues began and why you now have insomnia.

I think it’s important to emphasize the fact that although you have been terrified of sleep for 15 years, you are still here today and you still managed to earn two academic degrees in that time! So, although sleep is a problem in your life, you are still surviving, getting through life, and accomplishing things!

Furthermore, if there was any grain of truth in the idea that you wouldn’t wake up if you fell asleep, I’d say that has been completely debunked since here you are, 15 years later!

In other words, your body has proven to you that you will wake up after falling asleep — and it has proven this to you for 15 years (or at least 5,475 times!). In fact, you have a 100% success rate of waking up after falling asleep over the past 15 years!

The fact you feel a lot of fatigue isn’t unusual either, because — along with heightened arousal — this is one of the primary complaints associated with chronic insomnia. The fact you recognize that you never sleep at an appropriate time also implies that you might find cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) techniques helpful since they’ll help you implement an appropriate and consistent sleep schedule.

CBT-I techniques aren’t intended to address a fear of sleep since most people with chronic insomnia are desperate for sleep — but they can help set the stage for sleep and give sleep the best chance possible of occurring.

I hope this helps.

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