[Lauren21]

Hi everyone. I am desperate for some advice or reassurance as I am beyond frustrated and distressed.
I developed insomnia late last year and enrolled in Martin’s 2 week course as well as another CBT-I online course through my GP. At first I had a handful of sleepless nights (as in zero sleep) but after implementing all the stimulus control and SR etc, I started to see an improvement. Things were going well through January until about 6 days ago when I had a random sleepless night again. I managed to stay relatively calm about it, but was incredibly frustrated when the following night was another poor sleep. Since then, I’ve had 3 completely sleepless nights out of 6 and my anxiety around sleep seems to have returned.

I’m a little nervous at night but then so incredibly sleepy before my sleep window (12.40) but as soon as I hit the bed, my heart begins pounding and I can literally feel the adrenaline pumping through my body. It’s actually causing me stomach aches as well now. My body is on edge all the time.
I expected some sort of ups and downs but I feel as though I’ve regressed so far, it’s starting to upset me. As I type, it’s 5am and I haven’t slept a wink. I really thought I was doing well this month and was implemting everything: sleep restriction, SC, no drinking or sleep pills, keeping my normal routine, waking at the same time every day, exercising, practising mindfulness and breathing exercises.

I’m so distressed, I don’t know what to do. This time, it’s like I’ve forgotten how to fall asleep. I don’t know how NOT to try to sleep anymore. Am I the only one?

Please help, I’m going crazy!

[Martin Reed]

Those setbacks sure can be very disheartening, stressful, and concerning — but they are all part of the process. The only way you can regress is if you abandon all the techniques you previously found helpful!

If you keep moving forward your sleep will get back on track because the techniques you have learned and have been implementing help to build sleep drive, strengthen the body clock, and lower arousal. In other words, they rob insomnia of the oxygen it needs to survive for the long-term.

What is the start time and end time of your current sleep window? You mentioned that you are implementing stimulus control — what is your current cue to get out of bed and when do you decide to return to bed?

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If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[Lauren21]

Hi Martin,

Yes, I’m trying very hard to keep reminding myself of these things, but it’s becoming exhausting constantly doing breathing and mindfulness exercises all day/evening to only feel the adrenaline return at bedtime. I feel quite hopeless today.

My sleep window is currently 12.40am-7.20am. On occasion I have gotten up a little before 7,20 though. I’m finding it hard to stay awake until 12.40, but I’m wondering if I should tighten my SW again?

My cues to leave the room are mostly after I’ve tried to calm my heartbeat with breathing exercise for more than 20 mins or so. Or, previous to this current relapse, I would leave the bed simply if I found myself awake after lying there for more than 20 or 30 minutes.

[Phsu]

Hi Lauren,

How are things going lately? I ran across a similar situation to you where I had a stretch of good sleep and then things go down hill once I have a zero sleep night. I am okay the first day but when it continues to get worse I feel like I have lost all progress.

A few benefits of this is to remember that this is something that could take time and ups and downs should be expected and more importantly is you learn something each time.

For me having experienced my third setback, I realize that the anxiety is the biggest hurdle and so I adapted some of the cbt-i methods. For sleep restriction I still get up at the same time but I try going to bed when I am really sleep and it doesnt have to be the set time just because that adds so much anxiety. I am the same as you, I am sleepy before hand and the moment I am scheduled to go to bed and lay down, then the sleepyness slowly fades replaced by anxiety which the book below has helped calm.

Also look at the book, Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks, book. It has helped a lot with my daytime anxiety and helped me change my attitude towards my anxiety.

My response, outlook, attitudes have been the biggest factors in perpetuating my anxiety and therefore my insomnia.

I am still figuring things as I go with all the ups and downs but keep going, treat this as a challenge that will transform you to be a better stronger person once you get through this.

[Lauren21]

Hi Phsu – it’s nice to know you’re not the only one, sometimes!

Glad to report that things are improving much more this week. Unfortunately, I continued my bad run last week and had 3x nights of very little sleep. But funnily enough, I downloaded the DARE Approach to my kindle and started to read it immediately. I do think it really helped with that pumping heart and adrenalin at bed time! I’ve recommended it to a few others already.

Have also moved my wake up time to 7am now, and I also think that is helping. I just kept reminding myself that after 3 nights of bad sleep, my sleep drive was bound to take over sooner or later…and it did. In future, if I have a sleepless night, I think it might sometimes be a case of just pushing through the second, possibly sleepless, night as well without panicking too much.

Have now been sleeping about 6 hours each night since Monday. I don’t want to jinx myself yet, as I have no doubt other relapses or regressions will occur here and there. But my anxiety has decreased significantly at night time and that is a real comfort.

[Martin Reed]

It sounds as though things are improving this week and that you have found the DARE approach to anxiety helpful! It also sounds as though you are finding that new sleep window to be helpful!

I wonder if those breathing and mindfulness exercises you mentioned in an earlier post had become covert sleep efforts? The only goal with any relaxation technique is relaxation — no relaxation technique can generate sleep (the only thing that can generate sleep is being awake for long enough).

Any time we engage in a sleep effort, we make sleep more difficult because sleep cannot be controlled. Trying to control sleep increases arousal and the body then needs to generate more sleep drive (spend more time awake) to overcome that heightened arousal.

I am so glad you didn’t give up and that you are continuing to move forward, Lauren!

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[David Willoughby]

How are you doing now Lauren? I feel like I’m stuck currently where you were. Getting zero sleep tonight, just like earlier in the week I got zero sleep. Its really hard, its good to hear there is hope at the end of the tunnel!

[Aprilwill66]

I too have had these issues . I’ve made sleep such a traumatic experience that a few nights of no sleep sets me off . I have trouble falling asleep , as soon as my head hits the pillow my mind wakes up, almost like it’s just sitting in a waiting room just bored . I start deep breathing and relaxing and letting thoughts just pass . Sometimes it works sometimes not .I feel like I’ve forgotten how to fall asleep. What does everyone do with their thoughts while laying in bed waiting for sleep?

[Martin Reed]

You certainly haven’t forgotten how to fall asleep, Aprilwill66! It simply sounds as though you need to create slightly better conditions for sleep to occur. If you are finding it hard to fall asleep, you might be going to bed before you are sufficiently sleepy for sleep — implementing a sleep window can be really helpful for that.

In terms of what to think about when you get into bed, you might find this video helpful: What to think about when you get into bed to help you relax and make sleep happen.

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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