[Edgar]

Hi Martin, Scott, and others,

I have a question about SR, in a way. I hope I can explain what I mean, forgive me if my post is a bit long.

Like I’ve mentioned many times before, if you remember, I have this sort of unusual condition that I can never, ever, nap during the day… Some kind of tension rises inside me when I try to nap during the day, been like that since childhood. Even when I miss entire nights of sleep and have time to nap a little in the afternoon, I can’t fall asleep since it’s not my time, i.e. nighttime.

From what I can gather, this isn’t bad in and of itself, since people with sleep problems are discouraged from taking naps anyway in order to build up their sleep drive. And it has worked like that for me, too. I have been having sleep maintenance problems for a long while now, but at least I was able to FALL ASLEEP INITIALLY 9 nights out of 10 since I was exhausted, i.e. since I accumulated a lot of sleep drive come nightfall. After falling asleep initially, I would wake up too early. But at least I had those 3,4,5 hours I could almost certainly count on.

However, I am now worried that my NIGHTLY sleep drive is compromised, since I have been having trouble with both sleep onset AND sleep maintenance lately.

I have had both during my life, but never at the same time.

Now I fear I might have both. First I sleep very little over night, as usual, then I don’t sleep at all during the day, again as usual, and where I used to feel sleepy before, I am not anymore. So I struggle to both fall and stay asleep.

This night, again, was an all nighter. 🙁
I had all the time in the world to fall asleep, I have no obligations in the morning and I work second shift today.
But, as it turns out, I couldn’t sleep a wink. I am now awake after trying from midnight to about 6.

Since I can’t nap, I now have to wait until 13, go to work, push through the day, and when I come back I don’t know what to expect anymore.
Will I crash from exhaustion, as before, or have I lost my sleep drive completely.

This isn’t based on this night alone, of course, though this night is one of the worst.

Sorry again for the long intro, I felt I had to explain the problem. So the question is – can SR stop working? If you’ve basically lived SR your whole life, like me, can your dumb body, in a way, grow immune to it? Lose its sleep drive completely?

Thank you in advance for your answer, and for everything you do here.

Eddy

• This topic was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Edgar.

[Chee2308]

Hello Edgar!
I read about your posts and truly feel sorry for you. If you go to youtube and search this guy named Daniel Erichsen and his podcast called insomnia insight, he has put up a lot of videos talking about insomnia which he refers to as a “gas and brake” model. The gas part is basically sleep drive and the brake hyperarousal. I think you are too hyperaroused and that may have been a product over years of mind conditioning. Watch podcast Insomnia Insight #356 – the Bermuda Triangle effect. I think you might benefit from that.

[Edgar]

Thank you very much for your response, Chee.

I see you’ve been doing a lot of good on this forum, just like Martin and Scott.

The “gas and brake” model, I like that term, and you’re absolutely right in that my insomnia is a well conditioned and deeply rooted state of mind by now. I often wonder if all those years (10+) on forums like this did more harm then good. Still, I wouldn’t trade them for anything, nobody in my immediate surroundings understands.

Up to this point my sleep drive was strong enough to bypass that “brake” in the analogy, and I would fall asleep. I hope that I haven’t broken that somehow.

I will definitely watch the podcast you mentioned, today.
And thank you.

[Edgar]

I’ve watched the video, thank you for the suggestion.

The sleep coach there makes perfect sense, the question is how to turn that theory into practice.

For a long time, when I was younger, and hadn’t yet dabbled with sleeping pills and everything I do today to sleep, I lived by one rule and one rule only when it came to insomnia: “Live like you don’t have it.”

Go out, act like everything is fine, talk go people… Admittedly, I used a lot of coffee to get me through the day, and I dreaded the approaching night, but most of the time it would turn out ok.
After a few days I would get solid sleep again.

When my insomnia changed from onset to maintenance about 5 years ago, that was when my motto lost its function. How do I live like I don’t have insomnia when night after night I woke up too early and my sleep drive disappeared. That was when things got really rough for me, coffee wasn’t helping anymore so I started with Valium and things slowly went downhill. I still haven’t recovered, and I just don’t have the strength and the courage to face the next night if the previous one was terrible.

I wish I could go back to that old self.

But tomorrow I have to work first shift. I just don’t dare take on the night with only the power of my mind. I will almost certainly grab a beer, take some V with it, and tomorrow regret my cowardice.

It’s so hard to live like this. I hope I will gather up fhe courage to try, though, I know this can’t be a long term strategy.

I will watch some more of his videos, Martin’s too, maybe I can, in time, be free from pills again.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Edgar.

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