[jossgirl2000]

Hello everyone. I am on day 4 of implementing CBT-I techniques (and it’s been brutal by the way). But I am hopeful and optimistic and believe it works based on what I see specialists say. I want to be consistent and follow through with the protocols but it’s definitely creating some issues.

So the first thing is this: I am aware that I should get out of bed if I don’t fall asleep after 20-30 minutes. However, this creates so much anxiety because now when I do wake up, I’m just staring at the clock, wanting to see how long it has been since I awoke (instead of just relaxing and turning over). One night I thought mmh I wish I could just set a timer so I know if 20 mins have passed so I can get out of bed, but of course that would be stupid because what if I fall asleep and the timer wakes me up lol. (Unless the alarm was a one-time super low, quiet, barely there soft tone right lol).

So then, my next worry is this: If I don’t look at the clock but decide eh, I probably won’t fall back asleep anyway, let me just get up and go. What if now, I am getting up way too soon, way too many times, and now I’m screwing myself over and over getting up 2, 3 times a night, and not giving myself the chance to fall back asleep.

My next pain point so far has been when I do get out of bed and try to do something relaxing to pass the time. At this point, now I’m worrying about getting back to bed too soon. This is because sometimes I feel myself getting a little sleepy again, but when I go back to bed, I instantly feel wide awake again before I even hit the pillow! (wth) So then, guess what? my brain now worries about is this the right time to go back to bed, am I sleepy enough, is it not enough yet, what if I wait too long will the perfect moment pass, and so on and so forth.

I think the enemy here is my mind going a million directions instead of just letting my body do its natural thing. As much as I want to be nonchalant about things, I want to adhere to the techniques because I have some serious bad sleep habits that needed to be addressed. In my case, I was reliant on Diphenhydramine to sleep every day. I also had horrible sleep hygiene, no schedule, lots of caffeine, phone at all times in bed. In fact, I would fall asleep DAILY to podcasts on a timer, and then relied on it every time I’d wake up at night. So I’d restart the YouTube video, set the timer to fall back asleep, and would do this over and over throughout the night. So yes, trying to shut up my mind at night after years of doing this, is going to be very challenging to say the least.

Anyhow, I’m sure I’m not the only person going through this, or who has gone through this, but hopefully someone here has some sort of advice, or encouragement to get through this hurdle –

Thank you much!

[Festik]

Hi!
I see you and I used to have the same questions and frustrations in the past. Then I started Martins course and i learned that the stimulus control in the traditional cbt-i way is not what Martin teaches and suggests. Its rather getting out of bed if it doesnt feel good and you are becoming more anxious and frustrated. But if you feel fine, relaxed, no problem staying in bed and giving the sleep a little more time. And then its not as much about giving sleep more time, but giving yourself an option to do what feels best at that moment – maybe just relax in bed. When i tried to get out of bet as the cbt-i suggests, I got frustrated, because I couldnt find an activity that would feel nice, I would feel cold, because our house is super cold and alone. So after Martins guidance I have decided to stay in bed, simply lying there and feeling the comfort of relaxed body, warm and fluffy sheets and proximity of my husband. I would let my mind wonder to all the nice memories we have. Sometimes I would start feeling frustrated and I would get out of bed. But ultimately I found myself feeling less and less frustrated when I couldnt sleep. And slowly I started finding myself awake less as well. And you know what, you might be thinking that when you get back to bed and suddenly start feeling allert again that it is a bad sign and you wont be able to fall asleep. But I tell you from my experience, that you can fall asleep even when worried/alert/tense, so dont worry too much about it. Simply dont stress about beeing stressed – thats what makes it worse, not the primary alertness that comes from insomnia struggle. Just try to get back to bed and give the sleep a go however you currently feel like, dont think about it too much. All of us started to see little approvements still stressed and arroused 🙂 I am not 100% back yet, but its far better now using this method. I believe that the traditional sleep restriction and stimulus control is what brought me to the bottom of my insomnia. The self-kindness way is whats helping me get back 🙂

[Chee2308]

Hello everyone here,

Festik has some very good points there and thank you for sharing them. But ultimately, do what feels comfortable and relaxed to you.

Many people feel just staying in bed is super relaxing and that’s what they probably should do. If you never got out of bed when you were sleepless before your insomnia, then doing this now is probably counter-productive and reinforces the idea to your brain that something is very wrong and that night time wakefulness is completely wrong and should be avoided. Could you slowly move away from that and try planting the idea that nighttime wakefulness is just as harmless as daytime wakefulness? Your brain might not make the switch immediately but try to do it slowly.
Your brain will slowly respond over time, try to be patient.

Could I make a suggestion? Go to utube and find this channel calmsparrowchannel, there are lots of videos there that slowly coaxes you to let go of control and let things happen on their own naturally. Trust the process, it will work itself out. There is no need to micromanage everything, your body and the universe has everything worked out and you can just sit back, relax and try to accept things as they unfold. If you find you can’t sleep, perhaps consider laying in bed, listen to the videos on headphones on low volume, relax and absorb what the narrator is saying.

Some helpful mantra to consider repeating to yourself,
Take a deep breath and as you exhale, you are mentally saying to life, “I trust you to handle this better than my worried mind can.”

Best wishes to you all.

[Author]

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