[valenk]

I’ve had sleep anxiety for 10 years, although have slept ok in that time I have a fear of not sleeping every single night, especially before “big” events which wrecks my ability to look forward to anything.

After a bad period over last few days, I had a bit of a breakthrough night – simply the thought arose “if I don’t try to sleep now and try to stay awake, actually I will be closer to recovery than if I fall asleep”. So for first time in 10 years I got up and did stuff i enjoy and actually the wakefulness felt neutral rather than negative. A lot of the fear inexplicably went away.

I got very tired and thought I’d just rest till morning, expecting sleep to come as it eventually does (as at that time I wasn’t as bothered as I usually am, because I told myself if I don’t sleep and deal with it I’m actually closer to recovery than if I sleep). But, even thought I’m not as bothered by it as I normally am, I was surprised that sleep didn’t come as easily as
I thought it might once I’d let go …(it did eventually..just took longer than when I have a meltdown)

Has anyone else experienced that even when they had a aha moment? Maybe my brain was just totally confused and like what is going one here cos it’s the first time I’ve approached it differently)?

[Martin Reed]

Welcome to the forum, @valenk — and thanks for sharing your experience!

Put simply, sleep doesn’t respond well to effort. The more we try to make it happen, the more elusive it can become. And, the more we try to make it happen the more we can end up struggling and that can make things even more difficult.

It sounds as though your experience confirms this. When you decided not to actively try to make sleep happen when you were awake at night, things felt better. There wasn’t the addition of struggle on top of the wakefulness.

As you found, this doesn’t mean that sleep will happen — because sleep cannot be directly or permanently controlled through effort. Yet, experiencing wakefulness with less struggle is usually more workable compared to an ongoing struggle with wakefulness. It can also help to retrain your mind that wakefulness isn’t a threat that it needs to be more alert to “protect” you from at night. It can also help you free up more energy to do things that matter each day.

And, as a bonus, less struggle also helps create better conditions for sleep to happen. That doesn’t mean sleep is guaranteed, though!

Does this help?

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The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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