[WSW]

I only struggle on Sundays. I overcame my insomnia for the rest of the week a while ago but on Sundays I have a lot of anxiety the minute I get in bed and often I will get zero sleep that night. I’m not actually anxious about the work week either. I think it’s just anxiety about not sleeping on Sunday which seems to be embedded in my psyche now. Anyone else have this issue?

[Martin Reed]

I know we have communicated via email, but I also wanted to respond here for others who might read your post and identify with the issue you shared.

First, I think it can be helpful to refocus a bit to see if we can identify why this seems to be a problem.

You might ask yourself what you’d be doing differently with your life if your sleep was the same on Sundays as it was every other night of the week.

What are you currently unable to do that you would be able to do if you could sleep well on Sundays?

If you’d be doing things differently, it can be helpful to explore ways of moving toward those actions, independently of how sleep goes on Sunday nights.

If you wouldn’t be doing things differently, but you recognize that you’d be feeling differently, it might be worth exploring how workable the approach of trying to control thoughts and feelings might be.

I am yet to come across a human being who is able to permanently control their thoughts and feelings — regardless of the effort involved, the thoughts and feelings that we try to fight or avoid always end up coming back.

Sometimes, it’s all the effort we exert as we try to fight or avoid difficult or uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that makes them even more difficult (and makes it harder for us to live the kind of life we want to live).

Similarly, when it comes to sleep, the more effort we put into it or the more pressure we put on ourselves to make sleep happen, the more difficult it becomes.

Ultimately, for as long as our intent is to control sleep, our thoughts, or our feelings, we are more likely to get tangled up in an endless struggle — and that might be what’s happening on Sunday nights.

A more workable goal might be to move away from the (understandable but futile) control agenda. To move away from the struggle.

In turn, this might also free up energy and attention to do more of what matters and, as a bonus, also create better conditions for sleep to occur.

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