[BBS]

Martin, thank you so much for your free course and your email replies. Can I trouble you for one more bit of advice? As I had mentioned before my biggest problem is Hyperarousal after feeling sleepy enough for sleep, head to the bed (especially since we are discouraged from making a bad habit of sleeping on the couch) feel very sleepy, and then when I get to bed, the anxiety of not being able to sleep can quietly overtake me. It’s not like I have overwhelming messages screaming in my brain fall asleep, fall asleep, fall asleep, but there is an underlying sense of that feeling. I’ve been imploring your methods realizing that I can’t control sleep, try to embrace wakefulness with something neutral, and/or enjoyable, not trying to control negative thoughts and emotions, but acknowledging them, and then analyzing them for fact or fiction. See I am listening lol.

My question behind this is, I exercised these methods last night but did not sleep a wink. I’m accepting of this and know that sleepless nights are part of the journey to wellness. I do feel a little tired, but not overtaken by what happened last night. I think it’s because I watched three episodes of Family Guy, read two chapters of the Grapes of Wrath, a book I’ve been trying to get to for a very long time and was not angry about my situation. Was very calm and resigned to “Hey, you’re not sleeping, it’s time to get out of bed.” Did not watch any clocks, but that was a bad habit I’d broken a long time ago. Unfortunately when I went back to bed, sleep was not forthcoming. I have accepted that was last night and plan on starting tonight fresh with no attachment to any outcome hopefully. Woke up at 6:30am, my morning start time, still exercised as I so 7x a week, even though my brain was finally calm and ready to sleep.

So my question Martin, is, can’t these scenarios turn one into a human yo-yo of being in and out of bed all night? It seems like another series of rituals and repetitions that ends one being back and forth in bed? Anxiety hits, get out of bed and do something, neutral or enjoyable, go back when sleepy, anxiety hits, get out of bed….wash, rinse, repeat. What are your thoughts?

[Martin Reed]

It sure sounds as though you’re on a more workable path as you practice moving away from struggle and engaging in a battle every night!

It’s important to remember that your goal here isn’t to make sleep happen. You cannot make sleep happen since sleep cannot be controlled. The goal with moving away from trying to control sleep, your thoughts, your feelings, isn’t to make sleep happen — the goal is to build skill in moving away from trying to control sleep, your thoughts, your feelings.

Without the control agenda, there’s less struggle — and struggle tends to make things more difficult, right?

So, remember that when you’re doing something else during the night (like watching Family Guy) you aren’t trying to make sleep happen. You’re practicing experiencing wakefulness with less struggle.

Since the goal is to practice moving away from struggle, there’s no need to get out of bed or leave your bedroom just because you’re awake. There’s no need to respond to wakefulness in any way at all.

If you find yourself struggling with it, then you have the opportunity to engage in an activity that might help you practice moving away from struggle — and that activity can be done in bed, if you’d rather not get out of bed.

I hope there’s something helpful here!

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If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[BBS]

Yes Martin thank you that is very very helpful. I feel maybe the message has softened a bit from you should definitely get out of bed to do what makes you feel comfortable with no anxiety whether that’s getting out of bed for some, staying in bed for others, the main point is to do whatever keeps you from trying to orchestrate sleep again. 😊

[Martin Reed]

Yes — just make sure your goal isn’t to get rid of anxiety. That’s something that cannot be controlled and might cause some struggle 🙂

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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