[lilacluna]

New to the forum and happy to have some feedback and support.

I’ve struggled with insomnia ever since my four-year-old daughter was born. She’s a restless sleeper and usually wakes me up at least once a night, which makes it difficult for me to get a full night’s sleep because it’s hard for me to fall back to sleep. Her sleep has improved as she’s gotten older, but mine has become almost debilitating.

For the past week, I’ve been going to bed at 9:45 pm, falling asleep around 10 pm, and waking up at 10:45 pm. I try to go back to sleep for about 15-30 minutes, but can’t. I get out of bed and relax by listening to podcasts or reading a book. I don’t feel anxious, but I’m also so exhausted that being awake is painful. Then the rest of the night is a cycle of waiting until I’m absolutely exhausted, going back to bed for 15-30 minutes, not falling asleep, getting up and relaxing in another room, and trying again. Usually, I’m up until 3 or 4 am at which time I drag myself to bed and finally pass out. My daughter gets up around 6:30 am, meaning I’m only getting a couple of hours of sleep a night.

I feel like I’m doing all the things you’re supposed to do (no screens two hours before bed, no caffeine, walking outside in the daylight, keeping the room dark and cool, etc.). I’m able to fall asleep initially, but I have no idea why I’m only able to sleep for 45 minutes.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried staying up later thinking that if I improve my sleep drive, maybe I’ll be able to sleep more than 45 minutes, but I can’t keep my eyes open past 10 pm. Even staying awake until 10 pm is painful.

I’m so exhausted. I’m nauseous all the time and have pounding headaches. I feel like I’m losing my sanity. My husband wants me to consider hospitalization. I’m not sure what to do and appreciate any advice or feedback you can offer.

Thank you for reading.

[Martin Reed]

Welcome to the forum — you definitely aren’t alone in the struggle you described!

First, it might be helpful to know that waking during the night is a normal part of sleep. If falling back to sleep seems to be difficult, it might be because you are (understandably!) getting involved in the process and trying to make sleep happen.

If you feel comfortable when awake in bed, you might want to stay in bed for as long as that feels comfortable. If it starts to feel uncomfortable, if you find yourself getting tangled up in a struggle with the wakefulness or any of the thoughts and feelings that might be showing up, you might want to give yourself the opportunity to practice experiencing wakefulness with less of a struggle.

That might involve engaging in an alternative activity (for example, reading) and if you would rather to that alternative activity in bed, feel free to do just that! If conditions start to feel right for sleep to happen, you can stop the activity and repeat the process of allowing wakefulness to exist for as long as it feels comfortable and doing something else if you find yourself struggling again.

I am not sure if you are checking the time during the night — if you are, moving away from that might be helpful, too.

If you’re not finding any of the sleep hygiene rules and rituals helpful (people with chronic insomnia don’t usually find them helpful) then you might want to move away from them — I suspect you know plenty of people who consume caffeine, use screens before bed or even in bed (gasp!), have a warm bedroom with light cracking through the curtains and still sleep well, right?

I hope there’s something useful here.

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The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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