[ExhaustedMichelle]

Wide awake and not able to lie in that bed any longer. I had an amazing 4 day stretch of 6+ hrs of unbroken sleep each night til today! I felt amazing! So normal and productive… Also worked wonders for my patience, tolerance and mood in general. I feel blessed to have experienced that. My daughter is having her 9th birthday slumber party extravaganza tomorrow (well, no, tonight I suppose) and my home will be invaded by ten (yes, TEN) energetic screaming 8 & 9 year old girls! I've noticed that the nights that I stress about getting a proper amount of sleep because I know I'll need the energy the next day seem to be the worst nights with my insomnia.

Does that ever happen to anyone?

[BobbyP]

Hi, Michelle. I'm wide awake too — have been trying to settle down for hours, but no luck. I totally, TOTALLY agree with your comment about the worst nights being ones where you have something important coming up the next day, so you're thinking about how you really, really need to sleep. So, of course, you can't.

Years ago I taught my “significant other” guy to never, ever say to me, “Honey, be sure to get a good night's sleep tonight because tomorrow is a big day, you know.” I'd always remind him, “Well, sweetheart, you have now guaranteed that I will get absolutely NO sleep tonight!” So now he knows better. 🙁

So, how to cope with big events coming up?? I still haven't figured that one out. My family is having two major weddings in the coming year, and I know I will be a zombie for both, because I won't get any sleep in the days leading up to each one. I wish that somehow these fun, big events could just suddenly happen, with no warning, and then I'd have gotten plenty of rest the night before. Oh well.

[lowercasebecky1952]

'ExhaustedMichelle' wrote on '21:

Wide awake and not able to lie in that bed any longer. I had an amazing 4 day stretch of 6+ hrs of unbroken sleep each night til today! I felt amazing! So normal and productive… Also worked wonders for my patience, tolerance and mood in general. I feel blessed to have experienced that. My daughter is having her 9th birthday slumber party extravaganza tomorrow (well, no, tonight I suppose) and my home will be invaded by ten (yes, TEN) energetic screaming 8 & 9 year old girls! I've noticed that the nights that I stress about getting a proper amount of sleep because I know I'll need the energy the next day seem to be the worst nights with my insomnia.

Does that ever happen to anyone?

Hi, Michelle.

It's ten til 4:00 am. I'm responding to your message. Guess that must mean I'm awake. I copped two whole hours in front of the computer several hours ago. The tv kept waking me up, so I just got up. I've just about lost track of how many nights AND days I've been awake this time. But I'm still making sense when I talk and no one is running away from the giant sleepless monster!

I've been online for the past three hours, amassing good New Mexican recipes. I'm hoping to finally (after living in New Mexico since 1956) compile a cookbook of my favorite New Mexican recipes. I hope to pass it down to my kids. I've found recipes for dishes I had forgotten about, because they were indigenous to the Albuquerque area, and I just don't see them down here in southern New Mexico.

If I still cant sleep, I'm going to start working on some research I had to drop last year, about a landmark in Albuquerque, that was torn down in favor of a warehouse! It's the old Alvarado Hotel. Movie stars and dignitaries from around the world stayed there on their journeys either to or through Albuquerque. It has a fascinating history and wonderful photographs from it's heyday. I can hardly wait to get stared. But I'd really like to sleep first! Maybe if I lie there and focus on being a guest in that hotel, I can get some sleep. Whatta ya think?

Good luck with the slumber party. Maybe amid all the squealing and giggling girls, you can hide and catch a few winks. I'm sure they will never miss you. And they are old enough to know to stay out of trouble.

Becky 😎

[ExhaustedMichelle]

'BobbyP' wrote on '21:

Hi, Michelle. I'm wide awake too — have been trying to settle down for hours, but no luck. I totally, TOTALLY agree with your comment about the worst nights being ones where you have something important coming up the next day, so you're thinking about how you really, really need to sleep. So, of course, you can't.

Years ago I taught my “significant other” guy to never, ever say to me, “Honey, be sure to get a good night's sleep tonight because tomorrow is a big day, you know.” I'd always remind him, “Well, sweetheart, you have now guaranteed that I will get absolutely NO sleep tonight!” So now he knows better. 🙁

So, how to cope with big events coming up?? I still haven't figured that one out. My family is having two major weddings in the coming year, and I know I will be a zombie for both, because I won't get any sleep in the days leading up to each one. I wish that somehow these fun, big events could just suddenly happen, with no warning, and then I'd have gotten plenty of rest the night before. Oh well.

You know, it really sucks that we are all in the same miserable position here, yet it's oddly comforting to know there's a bunch of other people doing what I am doing right now. 🙂

Do your boyfriend or other family members get pissed at you for “being a zombie” at events and catching a nap when you should be doing something productive? That's been one of my biggest struggles since this started. Since he is the sole “breadwinner” and I am a mere domestic engineer, my bf expects a lot from my days. Many times, I'm not able to accomplish everything I'm supposed to be doing. With my children it's even worse. Kids are selfish creatures by nature and obviously have the energy reserve of 10 adults with never ending always recharged batteries. Lol. The comments like, “mommy, please don't be sleeping when I get home from school” and “all you ever do is sleep” among many others really get me down. As much as I struggle to stay awake on an hour or two of sleep my body will eventually give out and I'll have to lie down.

I've tried explaining that what mommy has is not her fault, kinda like when they have the flu and are feeling yucky… But they don't get it. I don't really expect them to. The boyfriend is a different matter. I'm constantly feeling resentful that not only do I not get any sympathy, I'm nagged, belittled and generally made to feel worthless in his eyes if he catches me sleeping at an “inappropriate” time. He says my sleeping during the day has gotten out of control. It's so Stressful. Since I'm completely in love with him and the 3 1/2 years we've invested with each other is not going to crumble over something like this, I can't imagine much will change unless I figure out a way to either start sleeping at night again or find a method to stay awake all day.

Sorry for the venting and rambling. I'm so tired I can't see straight or think. Just needed the bitch feet. Lol. Sorry to stick you on the other end of it! 🙂

[Jane]

Michelle your bf really needs to be a bit nicer to you. Could your doctor maybe have a word with him about this insomnia affects you? I don't understand why he's being like this. Surely he must know you arn't doing it on purpose?

Did you have a look at that web site addy I gave you? Did you find it any good?

You really have my sympathy you poor love. You sound totally exhausted both physically and mentally. (((((((Michelle)))))))

[ExhaustedMichelle]

'Jane' wrote on '26:

Michelle your bf really needs to be a bit nicer to you. Could your doctor maybe have a word with him about this insomnia affects you? I don't understand why he's being like this. Surely he must know you arn't doing it on purpose?

Did you have a look at that web site addy I gave you? Did you find it any good?

You really have my sympathy you poor love. You sound totally exhausted both physically and mentally. (((((((Michelle)))))))

Thank you so much for the kind note. It really does help.

I have had a discussion with the boyfriend. He wants me to have a sleep study done. I suppose if someone with a medical degree confirms the fact that I can't sleep at night, perhaps that will convince him that I really can't sleep at night? Lol

[lowercasebecky1952]

'Jane' wrote on '26:

Michelle your bf really needs to be a bit nicer to you. Could your doctor maybe have a word with him about this insomnia affects you? I don't understand why he's being like this. Surely he must know you arn't doing it on purpose?

Did you have a look at that web site addy I gave you? Did you find it any good?

You really have my sympathy you poor love. You sound totally exhausted both physically and mentally. (((((((Michelle)))))))

Hi, Marin.

I have had the same problem with my husband that Michelle is having with her boyfriend. They Dont Get It. It's that simple. On the other hand, I've found that it comes fro a purely selfish place and they don't want to get it. What I mean is this: If you are asleep during the time that they are awake and functioning, you are taking time away from them. My husband actually said that. He also said, in a whiney tone that he might as well live alone, to which I responded that that could be arranged. He has put me under so much stress about this that I feel guilty about being awake or asleep. He has made it clear that I'm supposed to be available to pay attention to him when he's awake, even if h's ignoring me. He's just completely irrational about it.

I woke up at 4:30 this afternoon, after a 17 hour nap. I didn't take anything to make me sleep. I was just exhausted after being up for two days. I informed Marty that I will, in all liklihood, be awake for a couple of days, and that I don't want to hear a word about it. But, knowing him as I do after 40 years, he will grumble and gripe and generally try to make me miserable while I try to go on with my life. He somehow thinks I'm doing it to avoid spending time with him. He's also blamed the internet for my problem. He forgets that I have been this way since 1999, forgetting that for the first six years of this little adventure, we didn't have a computer. I've tried to explain that going online is only a way to spend the time that I'm awake and that I would be otherwise occupied with a book, or knitting or some such thing if we didn't have a computer. Even I want to spend less time on the computer and get back to drawing, but I don't have anyplace to draw, without completely cleaning off my desk. I have no room to put a drawing table. So, until I figure that out, I will continue my online life. I've torn apart all his accusations, and still he comes at me from an angry, selfish place. I've given up trying to figure it all out. Life is too short to argue about something that I can't control. Since I can't figure it out, myself, I can't give him a logical explanation, which he seems to want. And thus it goes…around and around, ad nauseum.

[lowercasebecky1952]

Martin, apologies for the misspelling of your name. This keyboard has tendency to skip some letters and words an ignore others. It runs words together because sometimes, the spacebar doesn't work right. I need to look into getting a progrmmable keyboard, soon.

Also, I must have hit the enter key before I finished and it posted. I'll just leave it at that!

[ExhaustedMichelle]

It does suck. I did all of my chores yesterday morning, went to lunch with my boyfriend and his father and then around 4 drifted off into a lovely peaceful sleep which was interrupted an hour later by my boyfriend and oldest daughter who were both very irritated to find me sleeping during the day, “again”.

My boyfriend whined that he had been sitting downstairs alone “ALL DAY”. He wanted me to go sit on the couch with him and watch mindless television instead of taking a nap. I tried to reason with him, asking why it made any difference whether I was sitting on the couch doing nothing or sleeping, because I really don't understand. He doesn't have an answer. It just irritates him when I sleep.

[lowercasebecky1952]

'ExhaustedMichelle' wrote on '30:

It does suck. I did all of my chores yesterday morning, went to lunch with my boyfriend and his father and then around 4 drifted off into a lovely peaceful sleep which was interrupted an hour later by my boyfriend and oldest daughter who were both very irritated to find me sleeping during the day, “again”.

My boyfriend whined that he had been sitting downstairs alone “ALL DAY”. He wanted me to go sit on the couch with him and watch mindless television instead of taking a nap. I tried to reason with him, asking why it made any difference whether I was sitting on the couch doing nothing or sleeping, because I really don't understand. He doesn't have an answer. It just irritates him when I sleep.

Hi Again, Michelle!

This argument, almost word for word, the way you wrote it, has played out in this house within the past three months:

My boyfriend whined that he had been sitting downstairs alone “ALL DAY”. He wanted me to go sit on the couch with him and watch mindless television instead of taking a nap. I tried to reason with him, asking why it made any difference whether I was sitting on the couch doing nothing or sleeping, because I really don't understand. He doesn't have an answer. It just irritates him when I sleep.

What is it about this that irritates them so much? I can either be sitting here for hours, on the computer, while he watches tv, or I can be taking a blissful nap. Either way, he ignores me while I'm on the computer, yet, when I shut my eyes, the battle is on! My care giver considered turning him in for abuse, because he got so nasty about it. I mean really nasty. He'd watch me from his position on the couch, from which he can see me sitting at the compuer. If my chin touched my chest, he was standing over me, screaming for me to wake up! This went on for about a month, after which, I had finally had enough and also, finally figured out exactly what I wanted to say to him. I think I came up with the rigt combination of words.

This is what I told him: (caregiver's name wsithheld)has seen and heard everything. She's reported it to her boss (the big lie), and if you don't quit, she is going to turn you into the state for abuse. Furthermore, if this goes on any longer, I am filing for a divorce. If you want to test me, keep on doing what you're doing and see if I'm bluffing about any of it. Since then, he hasn't bothered me. He knows from past experience,I don't make idle threats. He doesn't want me to get a divorce, because he doesn't want to be alone. He had a massive heart attack last April, and since then, he's scared to be alone. I don't blame him. When I found him, he was more dead than alive. So, if he wants me to stay, he is going to have to find a way to be a lot nicer to me. I've bent over backward for him. The almost six weeks he was in the hospital, I held down the fort, got his disability started, was his advocate when the patient advocate told me that we'd have to find a way to pay the bill, which totalled over a half million dollars with the doctor bills (he had five or six doctors). You'd think a quintuple bypass (not often heard of) would make one humble and willing to be a little nicer to those around you. It had the opposite affect on him. Of course, for about the last 20 years, or so, he's been a real pisser anyway! Not that he's incapable of being nice. On the contrary, he can be very nice…to anyone, and everyone, but me. I've seen it, and I've heard about it. When I told my landlady one time how he was, and why I seem so upset so much of the time, she was shocked! That's not the person she knows. So I've been completely shocked with his behavior in front of someone who's duty it is to report abusive behavior.

Sorry, went off on a ramble, again. Once I start down a path, I kind of have to explore and see where it's going. I think this one was just a journey to unload a bunch of crap! Thanks for letting me unload on you guys.

Becky 😎

[ExhaustedMichelle]

I had a wonderful and unexpected 6 night run of 6+ hours of solid sleep during the past week! I felt amazing and productive and NORMAL during the day! Tonight I was ripped out of a solid sleep at 1am by a horrible nightmare and have been unable to fall back asleep since. I guess I should be thankful for all the sleep I did manage to get in the past week.

[Martin Reed]

'ExhaustedMichelle' wrote on '02:

I had a wonderful and unexpected 6 night run of 6+ hours of solid sleep during the past week! I felt amazing and productive and NORMAL during the day! Tonight I was ripped out of a solid sleep at 1am by a horrible nightmare and have been unable to fall back asleep since. I guess I should be thankful for all the sleep I did manage to get in the past week.

Yikes – that was a good run! What did you do to get such a decent amount of sleep? Any lifestyle/medication/routine changes?

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