[Steve]

I was just wondering how all of you live with your insomnia? Do you still go out with friends? How do you work and maintain your home? Are you married? How does your partner react to it?

In my case, I can still exercise by taking karate twice a week but it takes all of the energy I have and  don’t know how much longer I can do it. But I don’t go out much anymore. I am too tired after the workday and it takes everything I have to keep the house up on the weekend. I am divorced with no children so I am battling this alone. I used to date but I find that impossible now as I never know how I am going to feel from day to day. My life has been severely curtailed by this. I work full time and hope I can keep that up. I really hope CBT-i helps me when I start taking it next week.

[Carls]

Hi Steve

good questions!

I am finding it more and more difficult to  make the effort to go out with friends etc as I do feel overwhelmed with tiredness to want to go out, and am struggling with it right now as the weekend approaches there are lots of things I really wanna do but should I force myself to do them or just stay home because I’m so tired and need to at least rest as I’m not able to sleep, and then I think i should do the things I want as I’m not going to sleep so might as well go out.

im not married, live with family,and work part time.

I think regular exercise is something worth doing as difficult as it is ( I am often saying I am too tired with headaches etc to exercise) However I have recently joined a running club to see if this helps me.

[Steve]

I wish you success with your exercise. I always thought it helped me in that it tired me out so I would have to sleep. How old are you? I just turned 60. If I can keep my job a couple more years, I can retire and then I think this would be easier as I wouldn’t have to worry about getting up and going to work.

[Edgar]

Steve, all your questions are spot-on, I really like the way you write.

I am married, no kids, full time job.

What I do is I force myself to do the things I use to be able to do, I never refuse an offer for a drink, but of course in the back of my head I know my friends and acquaintances must be wondering why I look as crappy as I do even on the weekends, they’re just too polite to say anything. Some only say “rough night,huh”, after which we come up with some dumb joke and move on. Also just having normal conversations with them is really hard, coming up with things to say or reacting properly to, say, jokes. It’s like a drunk man is trying to hold a conversation, it’s awful.

My marital life is definitely sufffering, as I feel I would be a far better husband if I could sleep normally, and I don’t mean this only in a sexual way. I think one of the reasons why we don’t have kids is the fact that I can’t sleep normally even in normal circumstances, so how would I manage having a child, as my wife mentioned once.

As for work, I have to keep writing everything down lest I forget. I am able to meet deadlines this way, but sometimes just barely in time.

My life has been curtailed severely  by this as well. My days come down to waking up tired and waiting for the next night and the next chance to try to sleep again. And that circle just repeats itself day in and day out.

One person on another forum called it “a rubbish way to live”, and I couldn’t agree more.

[Martin Reed]

I urge everyone to avoid changing their routine in order to accommodate insomnia whenever possible. That’s because when we change our life to accommodate sleep, we reinforce the idea that sleep can be controlled — when it can’t.

More importantly, though, is that when we change our lives because of poor sleep, we only ever give insomnia a bad outcome.

If we force ourselves to go into work after a bad night of sleep, the day may well feel more difficult — but, we may notice a few good moments during the day. If we call in sick and stay at home, we are guaranteed to have a bad day — because we will be inactive, spend more time thinking and worrying about sleep, we’ll be more inclined to nap and to spend more time in bed. These are all behaviors that make insomnia worse.

The best thing we can do is make as few changes to our lives as possible. Go out with friends. Go to work. Stay active (inactivity is a huge driver of fatigue — the worst symptom of insomnia). The more active you are, the less power you give insomnia, and the more opportunity you have to recognize that sleep may not be as important as you once thought.

When we live with insomnia for a long time, it’s very easy to blame every bad thing that happens in our lives and throughout the day on sleep — when, upon closer examination, we can often see that this isn’t always an accurate way of thinking.

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The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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