Because of a shift change at work, I now get home from work at 3:00 a.m. I'm usually asleep by about 4:30 with medication. I'm so scared I won't sleep that I'm now taking a sleeping pill every night. My doctor says it's okay, but I'm still afraid of addiction.
Problem is…I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Unless I leave the company, I'm stuck. I have so little seniority that, most likely, I'll be on this shift until I reach retirement age, which is now only ten years away–less if I retire at 62.
Since I've been on this shift, my wife and I see each other on weekends only. She's asleep when I get home from work, and I'm asleep when she leaves for work. I've been waking up at around 10:00 a.m. So that's only 5.5 hours, which is a lot for some people and it was for me, too, a few years back. But it's not enough sleep for me now. I drive a tractor-trailer for my company which means that I have to sleep.
I've felt terrible this weekend; I've felt as though I've never really been asleep and I've never really been awake. It's been a hazy weekend. It's been one of my shut-up-and-don't-talk-to-me times. I spent a lot of time on the couch watching tv, which is not something I like to do a lot of because I consider it a waste of precious time. But when my head is thick and foggy from insufficient sleep, that's all I feel like doing.
I've been working on a book review for my new review blog, but I didn't get much writing done because of my groggy head. It's frustrating, as any insomniac knows all too well.
It's now 12:05 a.m. Monday morning here in Texas, and I'm wide awake. Who knows if or when I'll finally fall asleep? Probably not before 3 a.m.