[Awakeinthedark]

Hello.
I have been suffering from this nightmare of insomnia for the past (almost) 3 years. Since then, it’s been all consuming in my life.

I am now terrified of my own bedroom as I ask myself every night, “Will tonight be one of those nights…?”

[Martin Reed]

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing that totally understandable thought! I’m curious — if you’re willing to share — if tonight is one of those nights, then what?

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If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[Awakeinthedark]

Hi Martin,

First of all, thank you for all your amazing videos. I have been watching them for many weeks now, and in many ways – your thoughtful guidance through those videos have been tremendously helpful, reassuring and kind.

Insomnia has developed into this mean cage bully who likes to come out (extremely early morning in the quiet darkness where I feel almost paralyzed) and torture my brain almost every day. On some lucky days, maybe once or twice per week, it’s not there but the fear and anticipation of another early morning awakening (2-3am) has now become a nightly habit.

I kind of feel like a “Hyper-Thinking Junkie” and no matter how hard I try to stop, in the morning when I get up, I am surrounded by cold (overthinking) “needles” I had no intention of using.

The strange thing is, at this point, rather than the actual number of sleep I am getting (no matter how big or small) that feeling of not having any control over the most basic feature of human behavior frustrates me like crazy.

I have been trying to let go of this type of thinking. So rather than toss and turn like I normally do at 3am, I got up this morning and left my bedroom. Not sure how much of a difference this behavior change might make but I am still hopeful that as long as I don’t give up, I will have some chance of ending up in the right place at some point.

Sorry for such a long answer.
I guess it’s really nice to respond to you as I’ve been watching your videos and gaining courage from them for so many weeks.
Thank you again.

[hiker]

Hi Awake, I used to also think of insomnia as a powerful entity, a monster, which there was no way I could ever beat.

I can’t recall exactly how this concept faded away. I do know that I left tossing and turning behind. Like you did recently, I got up instead, realizing that after 15-20 minutes or so, that sleep wasn’t going to happening just now, so might as well get up.

Another piece which fell into place over time was realizing that when I was tired, my thoughts would get pretty wild, e.g. thinking of insomnia as an actual monster out to destroy me. And I started deciding not to take the thoughts that seriously, that it was just the insomnia talking.

And during the day, I would not deny that okay, I’m tired, but I decided this does not automatically mean that I’m tired, therefore I am a loser, or that life is sh-t. Just I’m tired, that’s it.

This can take time, and I totally get that you want to sleep well right now. Weird, but sleep is one of those things where trying harder does not work. But I do think sticking with this website is a good step. Take care.

[Awakeinthedark]

Hello Hiker,

Thank you for sharing your experience.
I am sorry you have gone through insomnia the way you have. In many ways, I feel like I can relate to you about insomnia being a monster in my life. It sounds as though you might be in a better place now. Have things improved for you with CBT-I? If so, how long did it take?

I am finally starting to understand that it is how I have been interpreting and reacting to every bad night that seem to have only made things worse. My fear and anxiety grew night after night as my obsession with fixing this problem only increased my hyper arousal while reducing my sleep drive.

Thank you again for taking the time for your thoughtful and kind response.
I hope you are sleeping better now.

[hiker]

Hi Awake, I did not take Martin’s CBT course, but I did go through a similar therapy program. Martin hits all the salient points.

My program went on for many years, but you should not assume your road will be that long at all (early trauma). What does matter is acknowledging that okay, you experience sleep anxiety sometimes but it is not an opponent out to destroy you. So easy for our thoughts to run crazy when exhausted.

I am confident you will get through this.

[Martin Reed]

I’ve got news for you:

Not one human being on earth can control their sleep.
Not one human being on earth can control their thoughts.
Not one human being on earth can control their feelings.

Imagine what life would be like if you shifted away from trying to control all the stuff that can’t be controlled? What kind of energy would that free up, and what might you be able to do with all that freed up energy?

I hope there’s something useful here — and thank you for your kind words!

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[Author]

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