Hi Icymeringue, it sounds like you are really up against it right now. I am guessing that you know intellectually that worrying about how well you are going to sleep tonight is almost a guarantee that you will not sleep well. Or maybe you will somehow sleep okay tonight—but there’s the next night to worry about, then the next night…..
And trying to shove those worrisome thoughts to the side just gives them more energy.
So what to do? For what it’s worth, when I get into a rough patch of poor sleep, I try to think along these lines: “Okay, I’m tired. And I am having thoughts about oh no, how am I going to make it today. And since I am pretty hammered from lack of sleep, my thoughts are scattered all over the place. But maybe I can slow down and realize that I am freaked out about this. And that sure, I would like to sleep better tonight, but maybe I can let go of desperation a little bit.”
In other words, just acknowledging unpleasant thoughts and letting them drift by can be an alternative to trying to think them away, and also an alternative to giving them power. They’re just thoughts, not indisputable precepts set in stone.
There is a huge difference between:
1. “I’m having the thought that I wish I would die, life is hopeless because I can’t sleep”; and
2. “I wish I would die, life is hopeless because I can’t sleep.”
It is hard to see the difference when you’re hammered from insomnia. But it’s there, and it’s really big.
Take care, you are not alone in this.