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Agree with everyone! Michael61 has described exactly what everyone needs to do and others have endorsed this and added their own tips.
I am doing the same as Michael61 and adding in the mantra ‘it doesn’t matter if I sleep, or not’. It’s not important. Life is important and sleep is out of my control and will happen when it likes. I just need to give it the opportunity. It’s like flicking a switch in your head. Stop thinking about sleep, stop trying to control it, stop trying to use ANY aids to help you sleep. You don’t need them. As already mentioned, people who have no difficulty sleeping don’t use aids.
I’ve stopped thinking about what time I should go to bed. I go to bed when I feel sleepy. I don’t look at the clock at anytime. If I wake up in the night (which I do) I don’t check the time and I just think ‘if I don’t go back to sleep it doesn’t matter’. These thoughts seem to cancel out the anxiety. If I do get any anxious thoughts I acknowledge them, say thank you brain, but they are just thoughts and not relevant to me anymore. I don’t get out of bed (apart from to use the toilet) and sometimes I read but not for long. I am currently sleeping much better with these techniques and I’m finding I don’t even think about it anymore. Sometimes I feel tired in the day but it doesn’t matter. I’m not chasing ‘a better night tonight’ it’s just not important. I really hope others can grasp this. It really does work. Good luck everyone.I’m sorry to hear that and generally do agree to take the drug free route if you can.
I wasn’t suggesting that your friends or family help you, what I meant was to see friends without discussing your problems, but just to socialise and change your focus. It’s hard to stop thinking about your situation and worrying about sleep if you are at home alone – so if you go out it moves your focus and helps you to get some perspective. I know it’s very hard for other people to understand true insomnia so I mostly don’t bother talking about it.
I hope you can get out and lift your mood somehow. Sleep will come eventually. Good luck
Oh no
I’ve been there and really sympathise!!
Are you doing the sleep window? I know when you have had no sleep for days it just cripples you and you lose the motivation to do anything. I frequently have the same problem and know how desperate you feel and how depressing it is.
I have to say that when that happens I usually end up taking something to help me sleep just for a break!! Then when I get a reasonable night I can calm myself down and rethink what I’m going to do.
I still believe that Martin’s course is the right thing to do as we have to retrain our brain. Have you done it in the past? It says you are not a client now?
If I was you I would try and get out with some friends or family. Don’t talk about your insomnia, just have some laugh and normality, however bad you feel. I find being with people picks me up and helps me find perspective.
You can sleep again and your body will give in and sleep eventually. Try to have some life regardless, it definitely makes you feel better and I know hard it is to do but it is the best therapy you need right now.
Don’t give up, you will get better, stay positive as it is temporary.Hi Walter64
I’m new to the course too. I’m really hoping to gain something from Martin’s techniques. I am enjoying the freedom of no rituals or aids to try and control sleep, as he suggests. Like you, I’ve had insomnia for a long time and I understand we are just stuck in a mindset and need to retrain our brains.
I’m currently working on allowing the negative thoughts to happen and am not trying to block them or distract myself. I try to say thanks to my brain for protecting me and reassuring myself that wakefulness is not a threat.
I’ve answered a few other questions so don’t want to repeat myself too much but just wanted to say you are not alone and I am going to trust the process and try to learn all I can from this course.
Good luck and keep sharing how it’s going for you.Hi Marc
Sorry to hear your story but know you are not alone.
I’ve had insomnia for most of forty years and it started after I had my first baby. Have had different meds over the years but going it alone now as I realise it’s all about the brain and the meds are just a temporary fix and do nothing to rectify the problem.
It’s all about an overactive nervous system and being hyper vigilant.
I’ve just started Martin’s course and remain hopeful as I feel our best bet is the ACTi approach that he uses.
I feel your pain with how horrible you feel and I know how it cripples my life too but we are, as Martin describes, stuck!! We have to work on changing our mindset and retraining the brain.
You are doing better than me as I have frequent all nighters when I read a book all night and all attempts to sleep fail. I never sleep more than 3 hours. I am starting to unravel the struggle a little by trying to accept the negative thoughts and stay calm.
I remain hopeful that things will improve if I can find the key to the puzzle. I know it’s there somewhere.
I wish you luck, don’t give up and stay positive.Thank you so much to Michael61 for verbalising that. It helps me a lot to read it.
My understanding is that Martin promotes those principles in his course and predominantly uses ACTi which strips back all the use of aids to sleep and teaches acceptance. This was what attracted me to his course as I was so tired of going to bed thinking ‘what can I try tonight to help me sleep, what thoughts, meditation, cognitive games or whatever else people recommended could I try’ I was so exhausted with it!! It had become such a chore to research and find something new to try and Martin gave me the permission to do nothing!! Just as you described. It’s like finding freedom and removing all the hard work.
I still haven’t cracked actually sleeping very much but I feel better and I’ve removed the struggle, as you cleverly described, Michael61.
My next goal is to accept the negative thoughts and sit back and watch them (as someone on here suggested) and allow them to happen (as you can’t stop them) and thank my brain for trying to protect me (although I do still feel a bit cross that it does).
I did a bit better last night, about 3 hours I reckon. But I will continue to do what I want without rules and not feel drawn into trying to control sleep. Lying in bed with eyes shut just relaxing is the best start and reading a good book if sleep evades me, then trying again.
Thanks everyone and good luck! Thanks to everyone for sharing their thoughts and experiences. It helps me to feel less alone and less of a freak!
I have had insomnia on and off for over forty years. It’s been more on than off and recently I’ve been going it alone without any meds and it’s so hard.
I’ve done numerous courses and researched insomnia to exhaustion and I haven’t found the magic cure.
I think back to times when I was sleeping and it was always when I had no major stresses in my life , but it never lasted very long.
I feel that Martin’s course is the best chance I have. I believe that ACTi offers the best techniques. I also use the Curable app as I have a number of other mind body symptoms, as well as insomnia. It’s all about hyper vigilance and an overactive nervous system, often originating in childhood.
Like some of you, I find the all nighters the worst as they cripple your life and amplify the anxiety which then causes another bad night
I’m just starting this course and I remain hopeful. Good luck to everyone and knowing I’m not alone helps a lot. Thank you.No I’ve kept my sleep window the same at 6am but when I wake up at 5.30am I just allow myself the luxury of taking my time getting out of bed
Hope you continue to do well. You are doing much better than me.
Hi Davina C
I think he means out of bed. He says you can be in the room, sitting on a chair, but you need to put feet to the ground.
I’m the same as you and like to catch up on my phone in the mornings, in bed, so I have adjusted this to getting up and sitting in the chair. Like you, I wake up about 30 mins before my sleep window time.
Glad to hear that you slept all night, that’s amazing!I believe I have seen information from Martin about taking Melatonin and he did not recommend it as melatonin is created naturally a few hours before you go to bed and taking it as medication has no real impact. I’m sure he will correct me if I have that wrong (I’m saying it from memory). The only effect it could be having is more placebo as you have been in the habit of taking it. I completely agree with Hiker about avoiding medications to aid sleep.
Yes I feel the same and really struggle with day time tiredness. I can’t think clearly at all and then find it impossible not to sleep on the sofa in the evenings. Then when I get in bed the anxiety takes over and I don’t sleep again!!
I know we should be working on not getting stressed about sleep and to not fear wakefulness but after 2 nights with no sleep at all I’m tearing my hair out. I find I can do one, or maybe two nights staying calm and doing things I enjoy like reading, but after a number of nights I just get so anxious about how bad I feel during the day. I’m finding it extremely difficult to change my mindset. It seems I can offer advice to others but can’t cure myself
I don’t know the answer?I love the ‘step back and watch it’ advice for anxiety. Thanks for that Hiker.
I think Martin suggests that you should do what feels comfortable. If getting out of bed seems best for you then go watch tv or whatever you fancy. I find staying in bed is better for me and reading a good book. For me, if I get out of bed I don’t feel sleepy again so end up awake all night. However, if I read in bed it can make me feel sleepy and I can get some sleep. Don’t analyse it too much. Just do what feels right. I never look at the clock! I try to be relaxed about it and do what I feel like doing regardless of the time. The objective for me is not to struggle with it, just accept. Good luck!Amazing! So pleased for you and well done!
The course is brilliant but at the moment I’m still trying to turn the same door knob I think, although I’m openly looking for the key
I know where it is, I just can’t fit it in the lock. Hope you continue with your progress and thanks for the analogy, it’s great
. I have already failed following a different course so this is why I’m here, so I feel your pain. I understand that insomnia is so closely linked to anxiety. So we have to try and work on calming our nervous system. In my case it comes from my childhood so I laid down neural pathways that leaves me prone to anxiety and a brain that won’t shut up and wants to solve things and control things about my health. I am working on taking away the emphasis of trying to sleep and accepting when I don’t. I am going to get on with my life regardless, however sleep deprived I am. It is out of my control so I try to do something I enjoy when I can’t sleep, which is reading a good back, in my case. I’m trying to trust the process and working on not being so scared of the wakefulness and telling my brain it is not a threat and I am safe. I am not going back to taking any pills and my nights are currently hellish but I’m calm and being kind to myself. I used to be very cross with my brain but now I am working on self compassion and being kinder to myself. I don’t know if any of this helps anyone but I believe we are in this together and I believe that we have more of a chance of improving with Martin’s techniques than any other I’ve tried. Acceptance and releasing the need for control of sleep are important components. Good luck and share how things are going.
I believe it’s all about doing things you enjoy and taking the emphasis away from trying to control sleep. You can’t control it, or influence it with rituals. Sleep is natural and will happen provided you are awake long enough from morning to night and you have a regular sleep window. The whole idea of the course is to change your mindset about sleep as this is what interferes with you sleeping. I try to tell myself that it doesn’t matter whether I sleep or not. I enjoy reading my book at times when I can’t sleep. I’m going to get on with my life regardless. Think about people in your life who are good sleepers. They don’t need aids to help them sleep, they don’t avoid certain things or need special routines to be able sleep. We can’t control it but we need to learn to stop our brains from interfering. In my opinion you should stop taking sleeping pills, maybe gradually if you take them regularly. I’ve stopped and it’s all a bit hellish at the moment but I trust the process and am working on understanding that I can’t control it and I can do something I enjoy when I don’t sleep. Hope that helps. Good luck!
