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The problem is seeing waking up and staying awake as a problem. When waking up is really very common. The trick is not to try all kinds of tricks and quick fixes. The real trick is to be completely okay with waking up and staying up longer than you would like, because the end of the struggle with insomnia is not necessarily in trying very hard to avoid it completely, it is in leaving behind the struggle with it. Good luck to you.
And I want to get to the point that I don’t worry if sleep isn’t forthcoming – accepting the situation for what it is
– That is exactly what everyone does anyway, whether they are aware of it or not
Hi matt
Another way of looking at this is: Will your body refuse the delicious food laid before it after being starved for several days? Do you really believe your body will reject sleep in a comfortable bed after a string of bad nights? Be open minded and maybe try an experiment on how long you can go without sleep. I did and mine couldn’t last past 30 hours. I crashed after 24 hours of no sleep and at the 30 hour mark, I was so sleepy I had no time nor space to be anxious, worried, agitated whatever. I just wanted to sleep and I didn’t care where. I could fall asleep while just peeing! Learn to trust your own body and there’s no way it can do it wrong. It will get what it needs in the end.
The trick with arousal system is not to avoid it. Allow yourself to sit with the discomfort and then let it pass. This is perhaps the most difficult part of the recovery. Stop trying to escape anymore (because it is impossible to escape sleep related worries as you go to bed to sleep every night!) and to start being brave and courageous. Maybe you can start by assuming you will sleep so-so every night, not very good but not very bad either so it’s okay either way. Whatever lost sleep in one night will be regained in another so it makes no big difference because tonight is not the only night you can sleep. There are plenty of nights down the line to try again so go easy on yourself and practice self-kindness 🙂
In regards to your sleeping pill, Martin has already answered you. Consult with your doctor first but the most important thing to realize is nothing can help you sleep if you are still afraid of poor sleep. Recovery from insomnia doesn’t really mean free from insomnia, it means leaving behind the struggle with it. Good luck to you.
Hi Matt
I am a graduate of martin’s program so maybe I could answer some of your questions?
1. What is your wakeup time and how long is your sleep window when you start doing cbti? Trying to stretch a go to bed time of 12:30 to 9 (3.5 hours) is a bit far-fletched to me. Most people start with a 6-6.5 hour sleep window so when they reach the desired 7.5-8 hour duration, the expansion would only be about 1-2 hours.
2. It depends on your progress and how you view sleep at its core. Doing a sleep window is not a sleep generator! It doesn’t generate more sleep than you need and it won’t guarantee you will get your desired result. It’s just a mechanism to regularize your nights. If you are up for X hours, then you are most likely to feel sleepy by Y hours. This is the key lesson of doing the sleep window. Technically, you could go from doing a 6 hour window to 8 in one night, if the sleep drive is there. No one sleeps great all the time and you will learn this as you progress along in the course. Ultimately, when you are sleeping regularly as a result of following a sleep window, the small details don’t matter so much anymore.
3. What is a normal sleep pattern to you? You may notice even when you are sleeping normally, you still get the occasional bad night or two. Everyone does. The key idea is to not fret over them when they happen and just keep doing what you are doing and sticking to your regular bedtime. The real recovery isn’t getting more sleep, it is the willingness to accept some wakefulness, that you won’t sleep great all the time and that it’s okay. Good luck to you.
Oh no please don’t do that in bed! During my insomnia, I did that a few times and actually made it worse. I was getting in and out of bed doing stimulus control all night. Because this activity is too mentally stimulating. Just go to bed, close your eyes and let your mind drift. Sometimes your mind may suddenly become conscious and jolt you awake just when you are about to drift off and it may repeat a few times until you finally doze off at some point unknowable to you, this is all completely normal. But no more counting and no monitoring. Nobody can tell the exact moment they fall asleep, it will happen effortlessly. You won’t even be aware you fell asleep until you wake up. Good luck to you.
Nobody forgets how to sleep. Think of it like eating and breathing. Can you ever forget how to do these or do you even need any lessons how to eat or breathe? Well, no. Those abilities are innate to you the moment you came into this world. Likewise for sleep. You were never taught how to sleep, therefore it’s not a skill to acquire or lose in the first place! Change your mindset, practice letting go of your sleep obsession or any effort to subvert your own body and you will regain your natural sleeping ability.
The only way to increase sleep drive is to sleep less in the first place. There is no way around this. It follows on to say that it doesn’t matter how much you sleep on any night because your body will make up for any deficiency over time as long as you allow enough time in bed
Hello and happy new year!
Oh yes I believe everyone who has had insomnia has up and down moments during their recovery. So your situation is not uncommon. More so because you are a mum to a new born. So sleep disruption is extremely common! The fact that you are able to sleep 6-8 hours is a testament your sleep system is working perfectly fine. So what’s there to worry about? Just remember the opportunity to sleep is always there so why keep dwelling on the past?
As a new parent, I think grabbing whatever sleep you can is probably sensible while doing the best to care for your baby. Forget about the numbers! It is when you are chasing numbers or trying to force sleep at certain hours of the night that you run into trouble. Insomnia is really not about lack of sleep or about sleep at all. It is really an irrational fear of wakefulness. But come to think of it, you must have had plenty of instances when you slept very little but was still able to function, almost completely oblivious to how little you slept. These get conveniently forgotten now when you are too caught up with the perceived effects of insufficient sleep.
Please take it one step at a time and get comfortable with wakefulness at any time and any night. Slowly but surely, you will become indifferent to it and your sleep will improve. Don’t keep trying to escape sleeplessness, embrace it and use the time fruitfully. Good luck to you.
Hello Bryce and happy new year!
I’m sure we can all relate to your situation in many ways. You admitted you slept great when you never thought or cared much about it. And this is the key which really rests on only one word: indifference. If you could forget or at least ignore your insomnia, then it cannot exist. That is the weirdest thing. Basically, you have defined your insomnia into existence inside your mind. You defined insomnia as sleeping anything less than 3, 4 or whatever hours. But insomnia isn’t just numbers or even sleep itself. A more accurate definition of insomnia is the FEAR OF WAKEFULNESS. This makes it more of a phobia than a physical ailment.
The fact is nothing about your body or its sleep ability has changed. It’s your thoughts toward sleep that has. Then what you are really afraid of is just your own set of thoughts.
Instances of short term insomnia are extremely common and it happens in everyone. They’re just conveniently forgotten now when you become too caught up with the perceived effects of insufficient sleep.
The fix is usually quite simple. Do exactly what you did before. Go to bed at X o’clock and out at Y. Get on with your day as usual and don’t dwell on what happened between X and Y until it’s X again. Rinse and repeat. Resist the urge to change anything or do anything to sleep. Because it is those little things you do, which keeps the fear going and your mind will keep thinking there’s this monster called insomnia you need to manage and keep under control every night. This also means avoid trying to relax away stress or anxiety in the hopes you sleep better. It WILL NOT work, the result is usually random because there’s really no connection at all. Your body will recover naturally if you let it. Be okay with wakefulness at any time and any night. In due course, you will become indifferent like all recovered insomniacs ultimately do. Good luck to you.
Hello and happy new year!
I used to take ambien but it quickly stopped working so I quit after only 3 days. And I never looked back since. I think taking this courageous step actually accelerated my recovery because if I had kept taking it, it would only reinforce my delusional dependence on it and could have gone on for far longer than necessary.
I think for anyone who feel they need medications to sleep, if you are in a position to taper and are disciplined to see it through the end and sticking with it even if your insomnia gets temporarily worse will come to a conclusion that you actually don’t really need them. Think about this for a second, if you didn’t need zopiclone pre-2020, so how did you actually sleep all those years before? What changed then? Could your body really change so drastically within a few days that suddenly warranted a life-long need for sleep medication? Or is the dependence illusional? Which of this is likelier based on your sleep history? Good luck to you.
Hello and happy new year!
Yes that’s okay and even something to gloat over. Congratulations! You slept really well. But when you are really recovered, you would think nothing about it, it’s neither good or bad, it’s just another night of “pretty normal” sleep and you would just get on your day.
Hello and happy new year!
I know how it feels when something you have so much hope in just “fails” to live up to its promise anymore. And I think this is where the common mistake is. Using sleep therapy, cbti or sleep restriction as some kind of sleeping “pill”. You need to keep in mind that nothing will work in generating sleep if you continue to rely on it to sleep.
The remedy is quite simple it’s almost effortless. Give up all your expectations and want in getting sleep to a “satisfactory” level every single night. Your constant dissatisfaction is what keeps you struggling! You can’t control your sleep but you can often adjust where that satisfactory level sits.
Another thing to keep in mind is it is really common to wake up anytime during the night. Nobody get a straight 5,6,8 hours of straight sleep every single night. Sleep doesn’t work like that. Most people often fall back asleep when it happens. Try to stop taking issue with it and it will slowly dissolve away.
In the end, recovery from insomnia doesn’t mean free from insomnia. It often just means we have left the struggle with it. Good luck!
Hello and happy new year
“Will I ever be able to sleep?” No question about it. How else would you feel sleepy before bedtime if that ability is gone? This is a surefire sign your sleep is not broken.
Don’t use a really short sleep window because it often causes you to struggle to keep awake until then and increases the pressure to sleep when the time actually arrives. 6-6.30h is a good starting point. It’s ironic you tend to nod off when you don’t want sleep or aren’t thinking about it. Then when the time arrives, you are wide awake again. It turns into some kind of performance anxiety. Be that person when you aren’t really thinking about sleep or care too much when you actually get into bed. If you now allow a longer bed time but not too unreasonably long like 10-12 hours, then you have plenty of time for your body to adjust itself to bed and finally doze off. Drop all your expectations and wanting because they are not helping! Or even expect to get up or have trouble sleeping at first. Get used to this, there is nothing wrong. When you struggle with it, it can only get worse. Don’t struggle, don’t keep trying to escape because you don’t like it and please actually come to terms with it.
Hello and welcome!
I’m sorry to hear that. I can only tell you to keep trying. Because last night wasn’t the only opportunity to sleep. Be kind and compassionate to yourself.
Happy new year 2023. I guess you could keep in mind that lots of people won’t be sleeping on new year eve as they will be celebrating the new year with joy and have new hopes for the year ahead. Your life will still go on no doubt, regardless of whether you are happy or sad about anything so why choose to be sad? Good luck to you.
