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Hi, Seps26, man, can I relate to what you are saying. I dealt with insomnia for 40+ years (does not mean you will, I had major unresolved childhood trauma etc.), and I used to envision insomnia as a powerful giant, and little me with no chance.
You mention depression. That will contribute to insomnia bigtime. Situational depression solely because you can’t sleep is one thing; major clinical depression is another. If there is any possibility of the latter, mental health treatment could help. This can involve antidepressants which can help with sleep—although no pill will ensure good sleep indefinitely. If it did, you would see a mile-long line at the pharmacy.
Suggest you keep exploring this website. Martin has a number of videos and emails which address various issues. One in particular which might fit your situation: our attitude about sleep. CBT can address this.
Do we have the attitude that sleep as a natural process, as in the body eventually gets hungry, so you eat; the body eventually gets tired, so you sleep. Or do we try to control it and freak out when sleep does not come. (one distinction: to resolve hunger, you have to do something, i.e. get something to eat and eat it; re sleep, the body just sleeps if we can get out of the way)
Finally, the huge difference between observing thoughts or living in them: “I am having the thought that I cannot sleep and my life is ruined,” or “I cannot sleep and my life is ruined.”
Take care. Easier said than done, but try to give yourself a break. It’s a tough struggle. It is really easy to go down the rabbit hole of despair when we can’t sleep. But you are not alone, and you are not—not—sentenced to a lifetime of insomnia.
Hi wynmar, I have been down what sounds like a similar road. The “labored with lots of snoring” could be sleep apnea, which the sleep study will determine one way or other. If it is, a CPAP machine (they will explain) will help a lot.
If it turns out that is not apnea—or apnea but also other factors—then you move to things like meds. The meds are temporary fixes and it is best to consult with a doc or pharmacist. The latter know the most about side effects, etc, but some docs are good at this, and you need a doc to get Rx.
I suggest one step at a time, first the sleep study. If it does turn out there are other issues, Martin’s course is a good way to explore attitudes about sleep, especially how to avoid letting insomnia get into your head. This can be hard to remember when you feel scrambled from fatigue…..and stick with this forum, if only to see that you are not alone.
This does not have to be a lifelong trauma or anything.
Take care.
Hi there, not sure if your post got chopped off or what, but it sounds like you have understandable reasons for not sleeping right now. Not that you need to find a reason, but I can see where a mom who is juggling tech world and full-time with two kids could translate into situational insomnia. I hope as we eventually get past covid, things will ease up for you.
Maybe at this stage just sticking with this forum could help show you are not alone in this. Martin has a number of helpful videos and you can get emails from him, even without taking the course. Might be a good place to start.
Hi Nickey, it sounds like you are really going through the mill right now. And insomnia can feed itself to where we start panicking about it. Totally understandable–and also counterproductive, which I am guessing you know logically. But who can stay logical?
Maybe one way would be to see if you can preface your thoughts within an observation. Instead of “if I don’t sleep I am going to go out of my mind” rather: “I’m having the thought that if I don’t sleep I am going to go out of my mind.” This is all about mindfulness, which is treated superficially as a fad, but also has been around for centuries. A couple of free websites: mindfulness.northwest.com and palousemindfulness.com
Martin’s emails are a really good source, which may lead you to consider his course, which emphasizes, among other topics, our attitudes toward sleep.
Take care, you are not alone.
Hi Withers85, by anxiety disorder I am assuming you mean more than a stressful event you are dealing with at present, but rather a general sense of anxiety which persists regardless of how things are going right now at home, work, etc.
Are you seeing a therapist who has actually made this diagnosis? If not, could this be helpful?
There is no shame in using a pharmaceutical sleep aid to get over a temporary bout of insomnia, though best to explore this avenue with a professional.
Martin’s materials can help a lot toward approaching sleep without the sense of desperation that we can understandably fall into. Hard to think straight when we are exhausted, and so easy to attach to much importance on thoughts.
I hope you can stick with this website.
Hi Ryan, actually I think you have a lot of good insights into your sleep problem. Seems that you intellectually understand that your thoughts are sort of running the show. And no doubt just letting go is easier said than done.
When I find myself obsessing (which can take a while to realize sometimes, we can get so caught up), I do best when I can just observe the thoughts rather than trying to control them. This is true even when the thoughts are unpleasant (“I’ll never get over this” etc.) Watching my mind like this does not mean instant peace and sleep, but over time I have found it is a good way to sort of emotionally stay in shape.
A good example is Martin’s 6/30/21 email about a woman named Celia Gordon. Perhaps contacting his site will lead you to it.
Take care.
Hi Alex, it sounds like you are willing to work hard toward improvement. The goal we all have is to sleep well enough to be rested to get on with our lives. Certainly a worthy goal, but I think this goal can be more elusive than average.
With most things, the more we practice or the harder we work, the better we get, e.g. learning a musical instrument or doing aerobic exercise. But in some situations, trying harder might not always be the best route to go.
Baseball hitters sometimes try harder and harder and go into a slump, when they start feeling desperate and wondering if they will ever hit well again. I think sleep falls in this category as well.
Maybe the key is we start obsessing about it. Our thoughts are all about sleep. This mental rut is what Martin addresses. I think he is presenting not just a temporary fix, but a long-term shift in attitude toward sleep, a shift which I think can help in facing all types of adversity, including insomnia. And with this shift, sleep becomes just a natural physical state. (Maybe the ultimate is the natural way a baby just goes to sleep, without thinking about it.)
I know, easier said than done, but I think if you view Martin’s program as a shift in perspective, it will be the best way to go.
Take care, you are not alone.
Hi Snoozybear, it sounds like you are going through a really rough time.
I have had ups and downs with insomnia for many years (doesn’t mean you will, I had severe psychiatric problems). When I have had the best handle or attitude about insomnia is when I have not let it run my life.
I know that sounds simplistic, but it is true nonetheless. I have found that when I said I cannot plan anything because I might sleep poorly the night before –or several nights before–I would continue on a bad streak of insomnia. And when I would get in this rut, insomnia took on this all-powerful image. When actually it is just that —an image.
I have been able to pull out of this mindset when I let go and realize that maybe I will sleep poorly tonight. I hope I sleep well, but if I don’t, I have made it through the next day thousands of times, and somehow I will do it again. I’ll just do what I can. I can even drive if I am tired—-unless this actually means sleepy, and provided I can concentrate to drive safely. But other than driving, I will just try to wing it and do the best I can.
I know, easier said than done, but I have traveled this road for a long time and know where the bumpy spots are.
Finally, Martin’s program addresses how our thoughts can steer us all over the place, and how we can step back and observe them rather than letting them run our lives.
Take care, you are not alone in this.
Hi deedeebon, your post cuts right to the chase, the way insomnia can seem so powerful.
I have dealing with insomnia for 40+ years. Not every night, and I am guessing you have had good streaks in there, but obviously for you it is still hanging around. And I have to think you have gone through all the sleep hygiene and lots of sleep meds, maybe some sleep studies, and you have dealt with this or that life stress which of course would interfere with sleep for a while just on its own. And I am guessing that the insomnia is still around because well, it just is.
So hard to remember that sleep is just a natural process, that if we can just get out of the way and just let it happen, especially when you are hammered by bad sleep for several consecutive nights. I am sure I will forget this too, if I go on another bad run.
You know there is no slam dunk solution, but I will say that mindfulness has been a help. E.g. couple of free sites: mindfulnessnorthwest.com and palousemindfulness.com I know, it is all the rage these days, and some of the stuff sounds pretty out there, but you might want to give it a shot. Only thing is you have to practice, though not necessarily for a long time at any one session. There are actually physically observable changes in the brain on fMRI scans.
I think it is likely that Martin’s course would offer similar benefits in that it is really focused on our thoughts—-like the thought that insomnia is all-powerful and controls our lives. He has videos on this site as well, addressing exactly what you are talking about.
I hope you get some relief soon. I know it can be a real bear sometimes.
Hi Johniee, you write that “I feel trapped by my own thoughts.” I went through insomnia for a very long time (does not mean you will, at all). But it took me a lot longer to realize what you have already discovered.
As a Christian myself, I wondered if I was spiritually troubled, how could God let this happen, etc. I finally concluded that I don’t know. I think that is where faith, and perhaps more specifically trust come in.
Anyway, I do know that believing in God does not mean we do not avail ourselves of remedies beyond prayer. Some Christians think seeking out mental/emotional health remedies is a sign of little faith. You may hear this line of thought from believers who have not (yet) gone through some of the tough problems life can throw at us.
Martin’s course, as well as videos and other info on this site, is focused on what you describe—-that we can get swept up in our thoughts, so much so that we think our thoughts are all we are.
A similar avenue is mindfulness, which I know sounds like a fad, but actually it has been around for about 3,000 years. A couple of good and free sites: mindfulness northwest.com and palousemindfulness.com
Sometimes Christians and other religious people think mindfulness and meditation are contrary to their religion. If you explore it, I think you will find this is not the case at all.
Take care.
Hi Hanah, I have not taken the course, but I went through a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy prior to finding this site. I have looked at Martin’s materials and he is really on topic.
In terms of mental/emotional health, CBT is a relatively new concept, at least in the West. I wish I had heard of it earlier.
Anyway, it is an alternative to years of therapy, which not everyone needs, and as opposed to relying solely on sleep meds., which offer short term relief at best. What the community has discovered more and more is that our thoughts can really drive us, so much so that we can believe that we are our thoughts. That might sound weird, but it is easy to go down a rabbit hole and think there is no hope, and that this means there is no hope. Not so.
You wonder if maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is—-not perfection, but definitely better.
I am glad you found this site, a good source.
Hi katelynntaco, I think Martin’s materials would help. These include videos and ongoing emails, as well as the course.
Obviously your tough situation with a newborn is a recipe for insomnia, but as you point out, worrying about sleep can take on a life its own. The information on this site deals extensively with this problem—sleep anxiety.
I am glad you found this site, and I think you will find help here.
Hi Gil, if you have not done so already, I would check reputable websites like WebMD, Mayo Clinic to make sure your headaches are definitely migraines. Sometimes people use the term to describe bad headaches generally. Checking with a neurologist would be key.
I have come across a good migraine medication: generic name Sumatriptan, common brand name Imitrex. This is not to say you can just pop a pill: oftentimes life events can trigger migraines in the first place. And you can get nasty rebound headaches if you overuse. There are good reasons you can get it only with a prescription.
For me, it started with severe childhood trauma. Resolved that, but afterwards just worrying about whether I would get a headache could trigger one. Later I discovered that my neck posture is not so good, which leads to muscle strain, which hurts a lot more when it ascends to my head. Sometimes the med. does not work, usually meaning it is not a migraine. Still hurts, though. Just examples of how headaches start from even innocuous things.
As for scrolling the phone, I am going to guess that you get some relief realizing e.g. that you have answered all truly important texts and there is no traumatic news story in the last two hours. But that long term, the stimulation even if enjoyable gets in the way of true relaxation. Maybe the way a shot of whiskey can be relaxing short term, not so good for sleep.
Hi, Up all Nite, I am encouraged by your last sentence. You have checked out Martin’s program and now realize it is about putting it into practice.
Talking about insomnia, reading about it, watching videos, checking the various posts on this site—all these can be helpful. But as you say, from there it comes down to practice. Setting aside some time to do it, even when you don’t feel like it.
Practicing the CBT techniques is good. But this doesn’t mean you practice sleep itself. No doubt you have discovered that trying to sleep doesn’t work. Martin touches on this point throughout his videos.
I think you make another good point about stressful events leading to insomnia, then as the event subsides, the insomnia has taken on a life of its own. Sleep anxiety. Fair to say that just about all of us on this site can relate to this. Easier said than done–believe me, I know—but to the extent that you can accept that you cannot sleep at this moment, it can become more tolerable. This does not mean you are resigning yourself to a lifetime of insomnia.
Take care.
Hi, Sleepless in WV, it sounds like you are really going through the mill right now. I would think most of us would have situational insomnia going through so many traumatic experiences. I know that when I experienced severe trauma earlier in life, I could not have made it through without mental/emotional health treatment, any more than I could have healed on my own when I broke my leg completely in two.
I also strongly believe in prayer, but I don’t think God is the least bit put out when we seek such treatment. He does not expect us to just sort of pray our way out of it. A number of conservative Christian pastors have had serious mental health issues because they have thought that seeking help was a sign of weak faith. It isn’t.
Panic attacks are awful. Been there. There are some prescription meds which can help. This alone would be a reason to seek out a psychiatrist, i.e. an M.D. who is authorized to prescribe.
As for chronic insomnia (insomnia hanging around even after dealing with trauma), it can definitely take on a life of its own. I know from long experience that there is no one med. which cures it; if there were, people would be lined up for miles.
Not a snap cure or anything, but the best help I have gotten (after the mental health treatment for specific trauma) has been from practicing mindfulness. I know it is kind of a fad right now, but it has been around for about 3,000 years. I have been using it to deal with the Covid mess and political polarization you refer to. A couple of free websites below.
And I think Martin’s course is really focused on how our thoughts can work against us if we don’t realize it. As you point out, we can spend too much time in our heads. And not all social media is garbage, but a lot of it does smell pretty bad. Easy to go down a rabbit hole and think there is no hope anymore.
mindfulnessnorthwest.com
palousemindfulness.comAlso, I used to volunteer at the Crisis Line. It is a good resource. When I worked there, the phone system for some reason directed everybody to us here in Seattle. But we have a nationwide directory which can steer you to resources in your community.
You are not alone.
