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Hi everyone. Looking for some serious support today. I feel as if I have fallen down another hole of a relapse and though I know I will come out of it as I have many times before, I am just so very upset. It’s been 8 months now since I came to these forums and began really trying to fix my Insomnia once and for all, and as much as I’ve improved (I really have), it still sickens me to know that i’m still sitting here 8 months later a complete zombie.
In a nutshell… I was doing better, perhaps better than I ever have. While I promised to always give updates every once in a while and still do, I even UNSUBSCRIBED to this thread at one point about a month ago. I was in a phase of doing so well which was probably close to a month of decent sleep. Then around 2 weeks ago I had a case of ‘special event insomnia’ that gave me my first flat out bad night in quite some time. What happened was this was a bit of a trigger. Fast forward a week later and I had another special event the next day and wouldn’t you know it, a BAD night again. But what went from only dealing with special event insomnia has now spiraled into falling right back into general insomnia.
Finally yesterday after an entire week of bad/poor nights I hit rockbottom so to speak and reverted back to my old sleep window of 11:30p-6a. Last night I slept around 6 hours of that timeframe but I still feel absolutely shot today. A month ago I was going to bed at 10:30p and sleeping through to my alarm! My sleep anxiety was gone. Never again did I think I’d be writing a post like this. Only had visions of coming back to write a success story to you guys. To Deb, Steve, Delv, etc. But now here I am, back in a hole, and quite frankly, even though I know i’ll come out of it, i’m just shocked. Shocked and scared to think that this cycle may never ever, ever end.
Steve I see that you are doing a lot better these days. That is so great to read. Perhaps we can turn the tables just this once and you can give me a pep talk. Deb, I know you said you still see some anxiousness in my posts even recently, and its true that even during my good run I had some underlying anxiety but I promise you I am night and day compared to when we first stared talking back in January.
So glad to hear you are doing better deb. My issue isn’t anxiety when falling asleep, it’s when I have the (now more rare) early awakenings. I will be applying some ACT techniques when this happens in the future.
That all being said, going back to late December when I came here, I really am doing much better. Not out of the woods yet at all, but I’m doing much better. I shall be back soon.
Thank you for your response Deb. Well said. It IS all about the anxiety for pretty much all of us. A lot of times SRT can only go so far. It’s true I am a bit of an anxious person in general, someone more prone to having this takeover my life like it did for so long before I was able to get it under some form of control.
Ive heard the whole and have tried the whole “accepting” your insomnia stuff a gazillion times over the years. The whole “welcoming the monster that is insomnia”. These things would help me think differently, yes, and would make me no longer afraid of insomnia(beleive me I’ve come a LONG way, deb) but with this special event insomnia, it’s just such another level that I feel it may just take more time. Perhaps some of the things in Guy’s book are more in depth? Would love to hear a few techniques you’ve used.
But just to verify you’re saying that as of a few weeks ago when you began to use ACT again you now consider yourself fully healed of insomnia? Have you ever suffered from special event anxiety insomnia ?
Good morning everyone. Hope you all had great nights of sleep! I still continue to struggle with my “Special event insomnia” pretty badly. For the last two weeks for example I have had decent and quite a few very good nights except for 2 (when I had plans the next day, of course), one of which being last night. It’s just amazing how the brain works. How on most other nights if I have an early awakening I can drift back off at least into some form of a light sleep, but last night for example the anxiety just overtook me, plain and simple, and I couldn’t fall back.
I tried to relax, I did. I thought about how far I’ve come. But I just kept thinking about how tomorrow isn’t a day off and that work alarm is going off in just a few hours and how my plans at night are going to be ruined if I don’t get back to sleep fast. Honestly, I think I set myself up for failure to start by going to bed rather early. Should have played it a little safer perhaps and went to bed later. I keep thinking I’m past my 11:30p-6am sleep window forever. A window I sometimes revert back to if I want to try and ensure I will more than likely sleep through the night, but when you’ve been on a great roll for a while, you start to move away from it. This is fine of course, but it doesn’t mean you’re going to be fully healed. I am certainly not fully healed as I sit here as a zombie today.
While I know I’m improving overall and more good nights are to come, it’s still horrible knowing I will be shot to hell all day today and through my plans tonight. Deb, you mentioned using ACT to help me with this special event insomnia. Would you mind throwing some bullet points at me? I also plan on going back to my Sasha Stephens book for the first time to re-read the part she mentions about special event insomnia, which as you may know was the last problem she had to tackle. I hope to get there one day, I hope, but geez I feel brutal today.
Good morning everyone. Steve, Deb, delv etc. Just wanted to report back after perhaps my longest hiatus as I promised to never disappear before a success story. While I don’t have a full blown success story I can tell you all that I have been sleeping much better over the last month or so, better than I have in a long, long time. I have even gotten to a point on several nights of going to bed earlier than normal and still not waking until my alarm. That’s huge for me.
With the more and more success, the underlying anxiety has eased and its been great a lot of days. That doesn’t mean I haven’t had some semi-rough nights but overall, plenty more good than bad. ONE area however that I continue to still struggle in, and its an area that Sasha Stephens said was her last to truly conquer, is the getting a good night before a special event. Simply put – if I have something of significance going on the next day after work (i.e. a date, a hang out with a friend, etc) the anxiety seems to creep back up more, and I’ve found myself having a bad night. This has been very upsetting to me bc of course THESE are the nights I need good sleep the most! It’s just amazing how it happens, too. Recently for example I was on a kick of what seemed like a solid week STRAIGHT of good sleep. Then came a night where I had plans the next day. I felt I would still be ok with sleep but wouldn’t you know it, an early awakening occurred. Not sure what time exactly as I didn’t look at the clock and stayed calm, but the point is, my sleep was disrupted, and I didn’t exactly fall back into a deep sleep. I ended up feeling pretty bad the next day.
Then next thing I know, the following night wasn’t the greatest either. A domino effect so to speak, like we all know about, was happening. I don’t even think there is any great advice, or any special tools to use to tackle “special event insomnia” either. I think I just have to roll with the punches and continue going with the flow. Hope for more and more good nights that ultimately one day lead me to the promise land of absolutely close to zero underlying anxiety.
My window was 11:30p-6a… slowly but surely I started feeling better again and broke away from the strictness of it all, but the only difference this time unlike back earlier this year is that instead of hopping into the bed at the second I feel a little tired, now I really do not go to bed any earlier than 11pm. The problem with this, like last night I’ll admit, is that sometimes I’m not feeling that complete exhaustion/head nodding when 11pmcomes but I’ll still go to bed. I know that’s not good for someone who’s not fully recovered, but at the same time like we’ve spoke about on here before, it just gets to a point where when does it all end? Am I going to have to worry about SC/SRT related routines forever in order to get good sleep? Once upon a time I’d go to bed around 10:30pm every night, sometimes exhausted sometimes not, and I’d always sleep ok.
Now days bc of the underlying anxiety that still remains, I cannot do this. My hope and my goal is to think that the more and more I continue on with at least this “light” form of SRT the more I’ll get better. For example I also never sleep in, even on the weekends. Up by 7am the latest, though even that, which is an hour later than I wake during the week, probably isn’t great for me either… But like I said, when does it end?
Yeah, like me, I think work and the thought of waking up for it absolutely contributes. I mean how could it not for a person suffering with this? Its just an extra level of worry for us, thinking about having to be up for work. Add on a stressful job and it makes things even worse, sure.
Last night I had a bad night. No real reason behind it at all either. Went to bed at 11, crashed around 1130, and woke up at 530am. I remember a time where if I fell asleep at 11:30pm it wouldn’t even be a single doubt in my mind that I’d be sleeping straight through to my 6am alarm. Now bc of the underlying sleep anxiety its just difficult. I’ll admit I still have thoughts of worry as I lay in my bed waiting to sleep. I’m not at a point where I need to go back to the SRT window yet, but if that’s necessary to do, I guess I’ll have to do it.
Hi Steve. Really glad to hear you are enjoying a good phase at the moment. In time if you stick to what’s right you’ll notice the good phases will outweigh the bad ones. You are on vacation though you said. I’m assuming there is no alarm for you this week. I’m curious do you have an alarm for work otherwise and if so do you think this has affected you much? And yes I only focus on this thread. Even seeing some titles of other threads is enough to trigger the anxiety, underlying or not. (i.e. Insomnia for xxx amount of years!) Keep it up Steve, you’re doing better.
Hey Steve, hope all is going well. With regards to an update on me, I’ve fallen back into the typical bad phase after a good phase. Seems like a cycle I continue to fight. The only difference these days is that instead of letting that bad phase go on for weeks before I revert back to SRT routines, I’ll only let it go on for a couple of DAYS now. I don’t know what it is but it’s just sad. I slept very well (for the most part) for a good couple of weeks. Then at some point last week things quickly fell apart even through this weekend with no 6am work alarm to worry me.
How are you doing? Delv? Deb??
For the last 3 weeks I’ve had about 3 bad nights total. I can’t complain. I’ve been doing well. I had a breakdown about a month ago and slowly but surely got back into a very good groove.
Last night was one of those three bad nights. No real reason for it. Went to bed pretty tired but seemed to wake in the early morning hours. While I didn’t look at the clock of course it didn’t change the fact that I was awake and out of deep sleep. This continued until my alarm went off at 6am. Extremely tired today. Shot.
However the difference between a bad day like today and a bad day a year ago is I am not having a breakdown of sorts. I’m not devastated. I know they will still come, sometimes even on back to back occasions. The important thing is to know that while they will still come, they will go, and I will eventually sleep better again, like I know I have been able to do. This has been a very difficult process. Nobody said it was going to be easy. I’ve had to get a lot worse before I could begin to get better and although I still feel like I have a ways to go, I’m happy with the progress I’ve made this year.
Update: I feel like my slogan is “Little by little”, meaning exactly what it says as far as my recovery. It has never been a fast fix for me. It was never even close. I’m an anxious person by nature. This was maybe inevitable. Maybe it will linger in some way shape or form forever. But that being said, I AM getting better. For every brutal “relapse” or bad week or whatever it is I may have, I eventually come into a good phase or a good week, which ultimately seems to drop by overall sleep anxiety/fear down, even if a small notch. Little by little. Even if I continue with the two steps forward one step back, eventually the odds are in my favor.
Trial and error is what this has all been, and even though its taken MUCH longer than I had liked, I’m currently in an ok place. I still have to watch myself and my sleep hygiene/routines. I make sure to never and I mean never look at the clock. I make sure to not get into that bed unless I’m legitimately sleepy. I make sure to NOT lie in on weekends longer than a half hour or so… and much more. But overall right now, I’m in an ok place. I hope to stay there now for quite a while. Hope everyone else is doing well.
I’m trying to distance myself from the thread for at least a week. Need breaks here and there, Steve. You say you’re waking in the middle of the night. Let me ask you something I’m sure I’ve asked before – are you DEAD tired when you go to sleep? Also what is your sleep window like right now? Are you sticking to it?
Update on me after my horrific week last week:
Fri and Sat night I was able to sleep better, though not perfectly. Was still kind of tired on Sat and Sun but it was nothing bad. Then Sunday and Monday nights were good. Yesterday I “Peaked” so to speak by sleeping 7 hours and boy was yesterday a great day. Last night things went to hell again. While I didn’t go to bed until I was dead tired at 11pm (crashed by 11:30p), the problem happened when I woke early at 5:15am and made the mistake of looking at my clock. Every once in a while i’ll still have an old slip up like that. Anyway, anxiety was raised by the site of the 5:15am time and I barely fell back asleep. This meant a night of around 5.5 hours of sleep, which for me as you may know by now Steve is simply not enough
I’m starting to accept a very harsh reality about my problem and it might be a good thing. That reality is that this all may simply just take more time. I may not be one of these types that gets on SRT and is recovered within a couple of months. With what I’ve been through in the 2+ years before I began SRT, my nervous system was SO traumatized to the point where I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes me the entire year of 2019 to fully get back to a great place of sleeping. I know I am better than where I was in January/February when I began this ‘semi SRT’ recovery process, and I know I am leaps and bounds better than where I was a year and especially 2 years ago. I need to sit back and start understanding how great of a thing that is, even if I am sitting here today at work very tired.
@jazzcat, you haven’t had head nods or book drops because somewhere along the lines your cycle got messed up and along with it your sleep pressure. Whether this was bc of too long of a lie in, or going to bed too early, SOMETHING altered things. Take it from me who “overslept” 1.5 hours each weekend day last weekend and paid for it all of last week.
You now need to build your sleep drive back up by going back to a strict window for at least a few days and then sticking with it. That’s the key. Only after some real successful results can a recovering insomniac begin to really tamper with a sleep window IMO if he/she wants a chance at a full recovery. And even then, at the first sign of things going off track, they must revert back to the smaller window again. Best of luck.
If it was that easy I probably would have done that YEARS ago Deb. But no, it’s not possible. I have never been a morning person in general and the 6am wakeup call has pretty much always been a problem for me, even before my Insomnia began, though instead of constant bad days post insomnia, it would only be once in a while before it.
I have no doubt at all that it’s the extra early wakeup that has big a huge part of preventing me from overcoming this all. Truth is IMO I never would have had this happen to me if it WEREN’T for having to be up so early. Not sure if you know of my original story but it was a stressful event at work when this all began. I started getting overly anxious about missing the alarm and being late to work, etc. The issues with work eventually went away, but the anxiety remained.
My goal is to one day get a new job where I can sleep til at least let’s say 6:30am. I truly believe even that extra half hour would help me significantly.
