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Thanks for this reply – I’ve had trouble shifting my focus away from the idea that I might need medication. Reading your reply helped me reflect on the many years I slept well without being on an SSRI.
I am trying to help my brain get more flexible and remind it that there’s always more than one way to address something. There’s nothing wrong with medication, but I chose to stop for a reason. I need to really give myself a chance to try a different approach that could lead to a more permanent change in how I view sleep. It has to be about what I do now. I’ll keep practicing letting that meds thought come and go, reminding myself that it’s just a thought.
This is exactly what happens to me! I have wondered about the sleep drive, and that’s what I thought was my story. But I think what may be happening is this: I have developed the belief that I can only sleep when I’m absolutely exhausted, but it’s not quite true. Instead, after a good night, I become desperate to believe that I’m done with this. I stay up to the start of my bedtime, but I want so badly for this bout of insomnia to be over that I end up creating a struggle. If I don’t fall asleep immediately, or if I start awake after a short time, I lie there and start thinking things like “I’ve stuffed this up again, I thought I was coming to the end of this,” etc. I lose patience with myself quickly, and then the cycle starts over.
I’ve only started to realize this in the last day or 2 and noticed that as soon as I woke up this morning, instead of appreciating that I had a struggle-free night & slept well, I started worrying about tonight. I’m trying to be more mindful about not getting tangled in those thoughts, hard as it is. Anyway, I don’t know if this resonates for you – I wonder if you might be going through the same cycle?
Just came across your post and wanted to tell you that you’re not alone. I’ve had a similar thing of struggling with insomnia in the past that really upset me and had a big impact on how I saw myself and my ability to cope with life. I’d been sleeping well for years (funnily enough, around the same time- 6 years), so it’s scared the hell out of me to find myself back here. I hope you’re continuing to feel comforted by the podcasts etc. I recently signed up for the course and noticing some small changes over the last week that I’m happy with, especially in my view and understanding.
One thing that’s helped is I promised myself that for the moment, I’ll only read/watch/listen to Martin Reed’s information. Until I found his stuff I was compulsively looking at different YouTubers and reading forums etc. There is so much unhelpful information out there that can really scare you even more.
Anyway just wanted to tell you that you’re going to be okay. It’s scary and distressing – but I am starting to have hope I can get through this and if I can, you can 🙂
I just signed on for the course and wanted to tell you that you’re definitely not alone in this. I worry a lot about things like driving, and fear that my performance at work is going to suffer even though so far there’s not much evidence of that. It’s a strong and scary feeling, but if I’m honest with myself and look clearly, I’m still behaving/performing the same way despite the way I feel.
One thing that’s helped me to think about is Martin’s education around how we can sometimes think we’re awake all night when we might be getting some sleep (even if it doesn’t feel like the quality we like). It feels so distressing at the time, but during the day I try remind myself that my body was protecting me and probably giving me a little more rest than I thought. My partner swears that some nights when I say I didn’t sleep at all, she’s woken up and been sure that I was sleeping.
