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Just an unnecessary side note, we should chat on Twitter more. I haven't been as active online the past few days, but I see you've already met me new Insomnia BFF Lindsay. 😛 i do warn you though, i can be dreadfully silly sometimes. also, sometimes offensive.
i'm stalking you on twitter cyn. feel free to stalk me back. also, it's not stalking, it's “twitter,” therefore, i think i'm not breaking any laws. lol.
as, i more succinctly said in my status update, i was taking an online/chat/etc. hiatus because i entered a particularly unstable phase.
to be more specific, one of my mental health “quirks” is this weird combination of blowing up over something infintecimally significant, and then proceeding to go through three steps 1) engage other person, bait if necessary 2) anger (the other person & I), and 3) viciously emotionally attack them. it's not technically depersonalization or dissociation, which i also go through, but i manage it's a tangentially related state. i've dubbed it many things, “methodical, irrational hostility” is the best phrase i've come up with.
the weird thing is, usually these events in which i “lose it” and viciously go after people for no rational reason (this is a very irrational state, where in said state, i actually take pleasure in being able to successfully anger or hurt someone emotionally–never physical…this is followed by immediate immense remorse, and often damaged friendships.)
usually, these “states” happen in isolated incidents or in very small clusters, but i have honestly lost track of how many times the past 2-3 weeks i've irrepably damaged both online & offline friendships. so, in the interest of preventing them, i kinda went AWOL on the internet, forums, chat, phone, etc. i literally locked myself up in the room, basically.
that said, i seem to be responding well to the med adjustments, and things have actually been…shall we say…calmer…even pleasant the past few days, so i'm very carefully entering the world of social interaction again.
thanks cynthia. like the wordplay with your screenname. feel free to talk me up anytime too. nice to meet you. 🙂
That's a great quote, M, thanks for sharing it.
I'm big on quotes too, though mine tend to be from cinema, moreso than literature, just because I watch more movies than I read books. (I'm a lot more cine-literate, than book-literate.)
I'll have to see what good quotes I can contribute as well.
!. Caffeine (usually espresso or Diet Pepsi Max)
2. My Gadgets (I know this is cheating, but since I'm perpetually attached to BOTH my Blackberry and my iPod, I figured that would be easier.)
3. My stuffed animals (yes, I never grew out of that phase)
thanks emmaree. i just noticed your status update. sorry to hear that you have been waking up at 2am, i don't blame you for being grouchy. hope it improves for you and you can get a good full night's sleep soon.
i really wanna feel constructive and contribute to this topic, but i don't really see a positive to my insomnia, only negative, though i see positives to other aspects of issues and mental health that i deal with. and i fully realize, by stating said sentences, i've now just made myself…oh, never mind, it's 1am.
What a fascinating, culturally rich introduction, it's nice to meet you, and welcome.
You do bring up an interesting point that I don't feel has really gotten much attention in regards to insomnia–a genetic predisposition, nature vs. nurture, culture inherently impacting it as well, but that is probably off-topic. It's just odd, with all the talk of other issues (mental health, for example) and those same theories applied to them, I don't think I've ever really heard them applied to insomnia–though I don't know why.
I'm sorry to hear you haven't had much luck with the meds you've been hit with, but I'm glad you've found a great way of dealing with it and I am completely mind-blown, that you have over 10K books. That's not a book collection, that's a library, wow!!! That must be awesome.
I look forward to hearing more from you.
It's worth watching. Interestingly enough, I have 2 fun new facts to share about “The English Patient” that I learned today.
1. Apparently, it has been released on Blu-Ray, but whoever has the rights is a company I have not heard of, and there were no details of any special features, restoration, remaster, etc. so I am a bit dubious and am probably going to stick to the wonderfully overflowing 2-Disc Miramax DVD.
2. I had the wonderful pleasure of finding it in, oh I should have taken a photo, but basically it was a “Chick Flicks” section of the store, not award section, not book-to-movie section. I think they called it something classier though like “Girls' Night Out” or something, gotta love those creative categories, at Barnes & Noble, no less. LOL.
All kidding aside, it is a tear jerker, and actually it's usually what I tell my female friends to watch instead of “The Notebook.” I only pick on “The Notebook,” because it's what most females (friends, celbs, etc.) mention as their (one of their) favorite / most romantic movie(s.) To be fair, Nicholas Sparks, who wrote the novel, is insanely good at making mass appeal books, so it makes sense that the movie would be as broadly appealing. And also to be fair, this was pre-Twilight.
