After 6 years I’m still suffering.
It all started back in 2015 with loss of a job (stressful situation) pseudo epileptic attacks which led me to developing mixed personality disorder which feeds insomnia and opposite and I got my self in a visious circle full of nervous attacks,agression,anxiety,severe depression,loss of job,sick parents,loss of friends etc..
I did every possible test to outrule physical cause like multiple MRI/CT of brains,tyroid test,test for epilepsy,multiple EEG (which every time showed I have some beta waves-physical intension).
Sleep deprivation back in 2018 led me to asthma and allergies now I have problems with cardiovascular system and last week I did test for insuling resistance hoping that I don’t have type 2 daiebetes.
I didn’t help from all possible doctors here.I live in Bosnia which is poor country,we don’t have specialist for BPD nor ofc for CBT-I and or medical system is crap.
But I learned a little what makes my insomnia worse,that is a lots of stress,and I’m constantly in a worry,anxious,intense.
I went few times to massage and terapist told me that all muscles on my body are stiff and itense probably because my brain is too.
Last week I gave up on clozapine which led me to increased intraocular pressure and now I got rebound insomnia.
Clozapine gave me for a year sleep but at a cost of beeing zombie,but I really don’t want to get glaucoma even that psychiatrist insist to continue with clozapine as I were told I’m starting to get paranoid thoughts and psychotic.
It’s now 3 a.m and I slept naturally for only 2.5 h.
It’s like this every night.
I tried running,biking,going to mountain you name it,nothing helped.
But I must admit I am not happy with place where I live,I’m not happy with job,living with old sick parents,not happy not having girlfriend long time,and I’m not happy at all with my life,I hate it,I hate the people here,hate everything.
But 3 times for 6 years I slept naturally,and all 3 times for 4 hours was in hospital,so this is odd.makes me to thing that psycholigically brain feels somehow a protection and beeing safe in hospital and my conciosuness gets me to sleep.
I must say I am little too much of a hypochondirac and probably not in my concious state I feel safe in hospital because there is doctor and I feel in sleep.
But I can’t spend the rest of my life in a psychiatric ward.
Now probably worsening of insomnia is because all those damn sedatives I took for 6 years and brain is screwed up.
I tried yoga for 4 months 2 years ago,no luck.
I need something to calm my mind,because my brain works 24/7 and that is why I can not sleep.
Also want to mention I’m too hypersensible person..
So any advice from people who can understand me here,Thx.