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After 6 years I’m still suffering.
It all started back in 2015 with loss of a job (stressful situation) pseudo epileptic attacks which led me to developing mixed personality disorder which feeds insomnia and opposite and I got my self in a visious circle full of nervous attacks,agression,anxiety,severe depression,loss of job,sick parents,loss of friends etc..
I did every possible test to outrule physical cause like multiple MRI/CT of brains,tyroid test,test for epilepsy,multiple EEG (which every time showed I have some beta waves-physical intension).
Sleep deprivation back in 2018 led me to asthma and allergies now I have problems with cardiovascular system and last week I did test for insuling resistance hoping that I don’t have type 2 daiebetes.
I didn’t help from all possible doctors here.I live in Bosnia which is poor country,we don’t have specialist for BPD nor ofc for CBT-I and or medical system is crap.
But I learned a little what makes my insomnia worse,that is a lots of stress,and I’m constantly in a worry,anxious,intense.
I went few times to massage and terapist told me that all muscles on my body are stiff and itense probably because my brain is too.
Last week I gave up on clozapine which led me to increased intraocular pressure and now I got rebound insomnia.
Clozapine gave me for a year sleep but at a cost of beeing zombie,but I really don’t want to get glaucoma even that psychiatrist insist to continue with clozapine as I were told I’m starting to get paranoid thoughts and psychotic.
It’s now 3 a.m and I slept naturally for only 2.5 h.
It’s like this every night.
I tried running,biking,going to mountain you name it,nothing helped.
But I must admit I am not happy with place where I live,I’m not happy with job,living with old sick parents,not happy not having girlfriend long time,and I’m not happy at all with my life,I hate it,I hate the people here,hate everything.
But 3 times for 6 years I slept naturally,and all 3 times for 4 hours was in hospital,so this is odd.makes me to thing that psycholigically brain feels somehow a protection and beeing safe in hospital and my conciosuness gets me to sleep.
I must say I am little too much of a hypochondirac and probably not in my concious state I feel safe in hospital because there is doctor and I feel in sleep.
But I can’t spend the rest of my life in a psychiatric ward.
Now probably worsening of insomnia is because all those damn sedatives I took for 6 years and brain is screwed up.
I tried yoga for 4 months 2 years ago,no luck.
I need something to calm my mind,because my brain works 24/7 and that is why I can not sleep.
Also want to mention I’m too hypersensible person..
So any advice from people who can understand me here,Thx.It might be worth exploring whether all the sleep efforts you described might be contributing to sleep difficulties since sleep tends to work best when we don’t try to control the process.
I am sorry you are living somewhere you feel the doctors can’t really help. Unfortunately, nobody here is qualified to offer medical advice — and if you recognize that you are stuck in a vicious cycle of severe depression and anxiety, I believe that licensed healthcare providers are the best option for help.
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I had to stop clozapine by my own will,because I got severe ocular pressure and metabolic syndrome associated with it..
Now horrible rebound insomnia,clozapine was the only drug that could give me like 8-10 h sleep but I was so fu..ed up tomorrow.
Now I slept in weird sleep rhytm.
I fall asleep around 21:30-22:00 until 00:30-01:00 and that is it.
I suddenly wake up without any reason.
Usually I need to go to toilet.
All my blood analysis are okay.
I feel so exhausted and dunno what is worse to be exhausted like this and have pain the in the stomach,joints,nausea,headaches compared to drowsiness from clozapine.
I was afraid I will develop glaucoma so I had to stop clozapine.
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