[Mac0908]

Thanks Deb and Gsd. I think I just had the usual anxiety spike Sunday night realizing that it was back to work Monday, even though I was working from home. Not sure how to describe it. I guess I let it get the best of me. Something as simple as waking up to go log onto a computer at my dining room table. I just didn’t think it was that bad of anxiety that would have provoked such a horrible night. But, this is just me. I am a bit of an anxious person in general sometimes and this is what it’s going to be for right now.

At the end of the day as nicer and easier working from home is and as much as it will help my sleep, the reality is I am still in recovery from Insomnia. Working from home wasn’t going to fix things overnight, though I do think over time I would absolutely improve as I already did a bit last week. Last night was a little better..

[Mac0908]

Slept a little better the last two nights. Ironically I made it a thing to not get into looking at my phone while in bed before I crashed these last two nights. While Deb I agree that I actually don’t think playing with the phone right before sleep is the reason for bad nights (though I don’t think it helps matters) I DO think however that this act can trigger some weird/negative thoughts in the back of my mind, such as ‘well, maybe i shouldn’t have been doing that, now maybe it might affect my sleep bc this is all i’ve read about for years… no blue light before bed’

In any event, even though ACT is all about “letting go”, ACT still teaches us to practice good general sleep hygiene, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with putting the phone away before we get into bed. I also still think I have some significant underlying anxiety leftover from all that is going on in the world. Again, I live in New York, and over here literally everything is closed. It really hit me again this week how this is not changing anytime soon and how my life is now drastically altered bc of it. I can’t go get a haircut, I can’t go out with a friend to a restaurant, I can’t go shop for a shirt in a store, I’m waiting on a “social distancing line” at CVS just to go in and buy a pack of gum yesterday. Definitely it has affected me.

I hope everyone else is doing ok.

[Deb]

That must be hard to be in New York. Things are closed here too, except essential businesses like the grocery stores. I live 5 minutes from a nice nature preserve, so my husband and I go there to take walks. We’re actually doing this more than usual and enjoying this spring, which has been one of the benefits of staying home. We’re also working on some projects around the house. So for us, it hasn’t been too bad.

I know what you mean about how if you just think something could possibly mess with your sleep, then that little worry can keep you awake, and so it’s best to avoid that for now. That’s what happened to me in my last relapse. I took an evening nap after a little too much to drink at dinner. I worried about not sleeping because of the nap although in the past this would not have been a problem, and then that set things off.

[Deb]

Gdsmom – your intern experience sounds like mine. I was working at an inpatient mental hospital and my supervisor never supervised me. So I just did things on my own, like one day doing kitten therapy in the geriatric ward after I found a little kitten all alone crying outside. The older people loved holding and snuggling with the purring and furry little guy. A nurse told me that was the happiest she had seen some of her patients in a long time.

[Steve]

I know what you mean Mac. I have been going to the grocery store more times than usual and getting take-out just to get out of the house and interact with someone. Even if it’s just the cashier and I have to stand 6 feet away from them. I just keep dousing myself with Purell after I leave the store.

Sleep has been rough for me the last couple of nights as I am only getting about 3 hours each night. Luckily I don’t have to drive in to work. And when I wake up, I can feel the anxiety and stress. I am using the tools but they don’t seem to be working now. Just have to try and settle down and keep practicing the tools and meditation.

Deb – What happened to the kitten?

[Deb]

A nurse adopted it.

[Deb]

Mac – how are you doing? Sleeping any better? I’m back to normal, thank goodness.

[Mac0908]

Hi Deb. Much better, thank you. Finally seemed to have gotten over the initial anxiety over this new working from home lifestyle. Been getting around 7 hours every night now. Kind of what I always envisioned for myself once my 6am alarm was thrown out of the way.

So you’re back to normal you say. I haven’t really been keeping up the last couple weeks too well. What exactly went wrong? Was it another minor relapse of sorts?

[Deb]

Mac – I’m sleeping well since the last relapse. It’s been about two weeks now of normal sleep. Glad you’re sleeping better and getting 7 hours a night. That’s great!

[Deb]

Hi Mac – you still sleeping better?

[Mac0908]

Hi Deb. Yes, I am! Not perfect (few small issues here and there), but overall this is the best I’ve been sleeping in a long, long time. That first week working from home adjusting to the totally new lifestyle along with the Covid life changes really did a number on me but I got out of that and adapted rather quickly. If there was ever a 100% verdict on if my sleep was anxiety related this is certainly it (not that I didn’t know that before though)

It is just a shame though knowing that in a month or so from now there will be a huge challenge going back to my 6am alarm that I know will ultimately bring me problems. Its like I’ve said many times before Deb, no matter what, 6am is just too early for me in general. I have had anxious thoughts a couple of times over the last few weeks just THINKING about going back to work (in office), knowing what that will likely bring with it. Just have to keep hoping that I can one day get a job that allows me to go to sleep at night without worrying about such an early wake up time. I’ve been waking around 7-7:15 most days lately.

How are you?

[Deb]

Yay!! So glad you’re continuing to sleep well, Mac. Yes it takes awhile to completely get over this anxiety. Maybe we never really get entirely over it. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t sleep well. I’ve had a few nights recently where it’s taken me an hour or more to fall asleep. But at least it’s not many hours like it was before. Luckily, I’m always ok the next day. I know it’s anxiety related – just a little fear there in the back of my mind.

Hopefully when you do have to go back into the office you’ll have gained enough confidence so that you only have just a temporary setback. And maybe you can think about changing your schedule to an hour to bed earlier since you’ll have to get up an hour earlier. People who have to work nights or crazy hours do this all the time.

Keep up the good sleep!

[Deb]

Steve – how are you doing these days? (nights)

[Steve]

Not too bad Deb. In fact, I think I have improved some. I have gotten several nights of 7 hours lately and I feel much better than I have been. But then I do regress some like last night where I get about 5.5 to 6.0 ours. And then I have headaches the next day. It’s kind of funny in that about three or four weeks ago, if I got 6 hours of sleep I would be happy. But after getting several nights of around 7.0, then 6.0 is kind of disappointing. But I then accept it and move on. I really think I have been sleeping better because I haven’t had to get up and go into work as I am working from home. It’ll be interesting to see what happens when I have to get up and go back to the office again. Thanks for asking.

[Deb]

Glad that you’re sleeping better Steve. After a few nights of not falling asleep for an hour or more I’ve been sleeping normally again, falling asleep within 20 minutes. So it really is just about accepting and moving on. Then our mind calms down and we sleep better.

[Author]

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