[JenW]

Hi, I’m fairly new here and about 1 week into Martin’s free emails. I’ve been trying to work through a few months of really bad insomnia that started in the fall after a health scare made my anxiety spiral. My gp Dr has tried several meds that I end up reluctant to take because of the risks and they really don’t improve sleep in the long run. She referred me to a psychologist/therapist. Three visits in and she’s implementing CBT but is very strict with the rules. I reached out to her this morning after a bad night just looking for a pep talk. I explained how I don’t want to use sleep meds and she grew agitated. She told me that’s counter-productive to my goal of sleeping and then suggested a referral to a psychiatrist she knows who would be able to “possibly prescribe something we haven’t tried”! I’m left feeling so dejected. I thought I was taking the right steps but this leaves me wondering if it’s worth continuing my sessions with her. I told her I’d think about it but have no intention of going that route. I’m considering signing up for Martin’s online course. I’m looking for encouragement that I CAN overcome insomnia without sleep meds or anxiety meds. The emails and podcasts I’ve watched so far have resonated deeply with me.

[Chee2308]

Hello there

Thank you for reaching out. Before I go into much detail, may I put forward a question: Do you know exactly how your body makes you sleepy? How, what, when and why?

Unless you know the exact answers, so why do you feel a need to control a biological process which you have next to zero idea how it actually works? Since when and why did you make it your responsibility to manage this entire process? I can tell you the answer: it’s not your fault you can’t sleep, you wanted to control a process that was never under your control in the first place. And therein lies the problem and frustration, when you fail to control it.

Sleep works like hunger, it happens the longer you go on without it. Another factor is routine. Sleep is part of an ecosystem called the circadian rhythm that self regulates, like body temperature, feeling hungry, or the need to pee or poop, and even breathing. Do you want to control all of them?

Just set a time to get in and out of bed. Try not to worry about the rest, it regulates itself, remember? That’s all you need to do. Also, as you sleep better, which inevitably happens as you begin giving up control and becoming okay with any outcome, don’t be alarmed by waking up more during the night, adopt the concept of befriending wakefulness, because it’s okay and perfectly normal to wake up during the night. As you recover, these episodes often lessen and almost all people can fall asleep again.

Good luck and best wishes to you.

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