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Hi, I’m fairly new here and about 1 week into Martin’s free emails. I’ve been trying to work through a few months of really bad insomnia that started in the fall after a health scare made my anxiety spiral. My gp Dr has tried several meds that I end up reluctant to take because of the risks and they really don’t improve sleep in the long run. She referred me to a psychologist/therapist. Three visits in and she’s implementing CBT but is very strict with the rules. I reached out to her this morning after a bad night just looking for a pep talk. I explained how I don’t want to use sleep meds and she grew agitated. She told me that’s counter-productive to my goal of sleeping and then suggested a referral to a psychiatrist she knows who would be able to “possibly prescribe something we haven’t tried”! I’m left feeling so dejected. I thought I was taking the right steps but this leaves me wondering if it’s worth continuing my sessions with her. I told her I’d think about it but have no intention of going that route. I’m considering signing up for Martin’s online course. I’m looking for encouragement that I CAN overcome insomnia without sleep meds or anxiety meds. The emails and podcasts I’ve watched so far have resonated deeply with me.
Hello there
Thank you for reaching out. Before I go into much detail, may I put forward a question: Do you know exactly how your body makes you sleepy? How, what, when and why?
Unless you know the exact answers, so why do you feel a need to control a biological process which you have next to zero idea how it actually works? Since when and why did you make it your responsibility to manage this entire process? I can tell you the answer: it’s not your fault you can’t sleep, you wanted to control a process that was never under your control in the first place. And therein lies the problem and frustration, when you fail to control it.
Sleep works like hunger, it happens the longer you go on without it. Another factor is routine. Sleep is part of an ecosystem called the circadian rhythm that self regulates, like body temperature, feeling hungry, or the need to pee or poop, and even breathing. Do you want to control all of them?
Just set a time to get in and out of bed. Try not to worry about the rest, it regulates itself, remember? That’s all you need to do. Also, as you sleep better, which inevitably happens as you begin giving up control and becoming okay with any outcome, don’t be alarmed by waking up more during the night, adopt the concept of befriending wakefulness, because it’s okay and perfectly normal to wake up during the night. As you recover, these episodes often lessen and almost all people can fall asleep again.
Good luck and best wishes to you.
I’m one week into CBT-I, each morning I log the events of the night before, and I always question whether I am actually making any progress. So I am also looking for some encouragement.
The positives, I’m averaging 5 hours of sleep a night and I am surprisingly functional the next day. Sleep restriction has pretty much eliminated the middle of the night wake ups.
The negatives, Sleep restriction sucks, I find myself struggling to stay awake at 9pm then getting up at least one time before falling asleep for the night in the 12:30am to 1am range.
I have been on sleep meds, and for now I am staying on them at a low dose. If I can get to a point where I fall asleep on the first attempt I will try to eliminate the sleep meds. My problem with the sleep meds was the dose kept needing to be increased over time to remain effective and I wanted out of that loop.
One problem I was having with CBT-I was clock watching, “is it time for bed, thinking,” which wasn’t helping reduce the sleep anxiety. So I’m trying to stop looking at the clock at least an hour before bedtime. Then I’ll read for about hour and just go to bed.
I think we are all looking for a quick fix but the reality is the process takes time. So 7 days in and I’m still hopeful for a good outcome but i think it is going to take more time than I originally thought. I keep hoping for a breakthrough but now I’m thinking that’s now how this works.
Good luck, post up progress reports.
Welcome to the forum @JenW!
Not taking medication is important to you. I am sorry that your doctor didn’t take that seriously and truly listen to what matters to you.
CBT-I cannot make a certain amount or type of sleep happen. It can address some of the common behaviors that perpetuate an ongoing struggle with sleep, though.
You can absolutely move forward and free yourself from an ongoing struggle with insomnia without strict rules and without medication — and there are many examples of this to be found in the Insomnia Coach podcast.
YOU are the expert on you. Only you know what the “best” way to move forward looks like for you. You clearly know what matters to you and that will stand you in good stead as you continue to move forward.
@PaulDykstra1970 — You are clearly taking action, even though that action is hard! Not checking the time during the night can be so helpful!It might also be worth reflecting on whether making medication use contingent on whether or not sleep happens on the first “attempt” might, in turn, create more pressure to make sleep happen — and where that kind of pressure gets you.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
13 days in, time to post an update. I am finally making progress. The alarm clock is under the bed, no checking the time during the night. I am staying up until around midnight and falling asleep on the first or second attempt and sleeping through the night. For now I’m sticking with low dose sleep meds, once things are really stable I will start cutting back.
I made a couple of changes. I start reading around 11pm and I never look at a clock after that. I read for about an hour or until I can’t pay attention to what I’m reading, then go to bed. If I can’t sleep after be 20-30 minutes, I get up, read for maybe 15 minutes and sleep has been pretty consistent. Just in the past 3-4 days this is starting be more consistent. The trick for me was/is not making sleep a test. One other change was moving the wake time back 30 minutes to 6am. This really helped with the exhaustion feeling during the day.
This thread was about encouragement and I will say I feel like this is working. I didn’t feel that way when I made my first post.
I hope this helps anyone who may read it.
You are moving away from chasing after sleep, @PaulDykstra1970 — and, as a result, it is less likely to pull you into a struggle and it has a better opportunity to take care of itself!
You are making changes and you are learning from the changes you are making! Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best as you continue to move forward!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I have been on here for almost a year now and sleeping since the 2 week emails from Martin Reed. Like Chee says and so helpful, just set a time to go to bed and get up. I dont even know why I am sleeping so well, guess just quit worrying about it.
I know I will sleep eventually. If I am not sleepy I lay there relaxed and then go to sleep. I do still have a bit of fear, may always have it since I had 2 years of hardly any sleep. I dont take any meds now and geez it feels good to sleep. Just like Martin says you can sleep.. I go to bed at 12 and sleep until 6,7 or 8 oclock. I was waking up earlier than I wanted but couldnt control it and finally started sleeping later when I just ignored it. I told my husb when the time changes geez that would be sleeping until 9 oclock. Seems like a miracle, it is wonderful to be able to sleep.
Hello Sleep and everyone
It’s important to realize that worrying about anything, including sleep, doesn’t actually cause insomnia. Because people usually develop insomnia from zero worry about sleep to recovering from it, even when worrying about it. The body processes every thought or worry in exactly the same way, so you could worry about work, family or anything else including sleep and still sleep well. It doesn’t matter what the aggravating factor is, your body will do what it needs to do and that includes breathing, drinking, eating, peeing, pooping and yes, sleeping too.
Recovering from insomnia is kinda like riding a rollercoaster. It’s extremely exciting perhaps fearful the first time which is normal, but when you keep doing it, which is what exactly anyone would do in regards to sleeping, you become accustomed to it, you just begin normalizing every thought or feeling, no matter how unpleasant they are and feelings or thoughts are always inherently safe, you begin accepting them as normal and you think less and less about them until you completely forgot how unpleasant and uneasy they used to make you feel.
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