[Hope]

It’s been about 3 months since I signed up for Martin’s email course. Sleep has improved though still choppy. I’m very calm at night, with not much anxiety just lying in bed when I can’t sleep. During the day, even fatigued, I go about my day, however I noticed my world has narrowed quite a lot. I think about sleep, watch lots of sleep podcasts. I hang out with friends but I find it very anxiety producing. I watch sleep videos not to find any quick fixes but only because they just make me feel so much calmer. I know I’m not alone in having this feeling of being in a mental prison of sleep thoughts during the day. To fellow sufferers, would you share your thoughts and techniques of how to overcome this, how not think about sleep, how to manage anxiety during the day? Thank you so much for any insight you have.

[Bronte]

That’s really good news that your sleep has improved, although still choppy at times.
I am about 2 months after the course. I can very much resonate with the sleep anxiety you talked about but I am starting to feel it is subsiding for me. I will try and articulate why/how.
Since the course I’ve been alternating better/worse with my sleep and I hit a very bad patch recently when I couldn’t sleep at all and felt so awful.
Martin helped me to realise that I was still focusing too much on my sleep. Thinking about how much I was getting and when it was going to get better.
So…. the question is how to stop thinking about it and allowing it to cause anxiety. It sounds like you have come a long way. It’s a really good sign that you are calm at night and your anxiety seems to be more during the day, which is maybe helping you to get some sleep.
I find it really hard to verbalise how to do it but I am no longer anxious about it and rarely think about it during the day. I still have some not so good nights but they are getting less. I think it’s a mindset that’s like flicking a switch. It’s an acceptance of whatever it’s like, it’s ok. I tell myself that I cannot control or manipulate sleep so that gives me freedom to do whatever I like. I think the most effective thing is to accept it’s going to take time and I must be patient. I must move on and forget about it. So I’ve become much busier during the day, I tell myself I don’t need to think about it anymore. It’s sorted. If I lie awake in bed I accept it and know it’s just a matter of time and my sleep will get better.
I am now sleeping better than I have in decades and I feel so much better during the day. The battle is over, I am no longer struggling with it, or analysing it.
I hope this helps a bit and I feel like you are close to mastering it but you just need to stop caring about it because you can’t change it. Relax, just accept, wait and it will sort itself out. Good luck!

[Hope]

Hi Bronte, thank you so much for taking time to respond to me and for your super kind, thoughtful and helpful advice. Not sure why I can stay mostly calm in bed at night despite often being wide awake. Rather it’s during the day the anxiety and hard thoughts come full force. I can’t completely convince myself that I will recover or that things are sorted. I wish I could have your certainty . This feeling that I’ll be stuck feeling like this for the rest of my life always comes on when I feel tired which is often. Whatever I do, walking, talking to a friend, there would be this whisper in my head that I should be thinking about my insomnia and that I shouldn’t be enjoying this. But I will think about your advice and will try to implement it going forward. Thank you again so much.

[Bronte]

Hi Lemon
Thanks for your reply. You are welcome.

I couldn’t do it to start with either but with practice it comes. Insomnia does not deserve all your attention. You can’t do anything to influence your sleep so free myself from thinking about it. Stifle it out of your life and enjoy yourself without guilt 😁

[Hope]

Thanks Bronte, I found it suoer encouraging that your sleep has gotten so much better after decades of struggle. Could you tell me more about your progress? Was it gradual and then sudden? Though it would be so wonderful to be free of the struggle regardless of sleep. Thanks!

[Chee2308]

It is okay to think about sleep during the day. It is when you think it’s wrong or not okay to think about sleep that you become conflicted. Yes, I was like that during my recovery. Give yourself permission to think about it. Just know where your limit is. Don’t let those obsessions translate into unproductive action. Actions like sleeping longer, going to bed earlier, taking newer medications in an effort to change it, or other similar things, we call them sleep efforts.

Yes, think about sleep anytime but just stay put at what you are already doing. Continue doing basic sleep hygiene like regular bedtimes, winding down before bed and ensuring a comfortable sleep environment. Stay away from those things like “what if I do this new thing or that… What happens to my sleep, will it be better?” Don’t. Don’t give your brain a chance to “try” things. It’s these kinds of mind games that keep you stuck. Avoid the guessing because that is mentally stimulating enough to keep you from sleeping!

Eventually, once you allow yourself to think about sleep, your mind will just give up on its own. It will go, “Hey there’s nothing going on here, I’m moving on”. On the contrary, the more you restrict your brain, the more it wants to go there! And because you are not allowing it, it becomes a daily mental struggle.

Good luck and I wish you the best.

[Bronte]

Hi Lemon
I started my insomnia after my first baby (1981!). It was caused by having a noisy neighbour and I was trying to go to sleep early before he got back from the pub. As I know now you can’t control sleep so that was a big mistake.
I tried sleeping pills but found they made me feel worse, very hungover and not getting the right kind of sleep, so I gave up on them. I then developed chronic pain in my back, neck and shoulders so I was put on amitriptyline for some years which was great for sleep. However it was not good for my gut health and I had to stop it.
I was a nurse for 35 years (now retired) and worked in very stressful environments and I can honestly say pretty much the whole of my career I worked on next to no sleep but on the days I was off work I would sleep well and lie in and all the things you shouldn’t do 🙄
I had a few years off from insomnia after I split from my husband and I felt calmer and happier and then life events happened and it came back with a vengeance. In recent years I found antihistamine quite helpful. I was always worse when away from home (on holiday or at my boyfriend’s house). I’d be awake all night. One holiday in Italy I went a straight 10 days with no sleep at all! I believe that’s close to the record! I was completely wired up and couldn’t come down, it was awful.
It’s become part of my life, along with chronic pain and gut issues. Every holiday, important social occasion tainted by feeling exhausted 😫
Then a couple of years ago I found out about mind/body syndrome and realised that was my problem. Originating from my childhood and trauma in my life. I’ve had a lot of bereavements and along with a stressful job it’s taken its toll and meant that I was living in a state of hyper alert. Anxiety and depression crept in too so insomnia was impossible to resolve.
I’ve learnt that your brain is the control centre for everything, pain, sleep. Neural pathways from childhood can just replay throughout your life. The neuroscience is fascinating and I would recommend reading about it.
So I realised that my chronic pain was never going to improve without resolving the insomnia. I was tired of taking medication and I became determined to get off it. I did a couple of sleep programmes (one was with a CBTi therapist) none of them helped.
I would also recommend researching mind/body techniques as these help massively. I then found Martin, he was recommended by someone on the mind/body forum on Facebook. His principles are closely linked to mind/body work and I did his free course and then the 6 week course.
I have to say it didn’t immediately help me. I feel it had to percolate in my head for a while 😁. I think insomnia makes you very angry and stubborn. You get tired of people saying ‘ oh yeah I don’t sleep very well either, I only got about 5 hours last night’ 🤦🏼‍♀️ I would love 5 hours!! At this time I was awake all night for 2-3 nights a week and sleeping maybe 2/3 hours on other nights. I was just battling life and not enjoying it. I felt so dreadful.
Anyway, finally, to answer your question I would say that coming through it was no way linear. It was hit and miss. With the education from Martin that you can’t control sleep and there’s very little you can do to influence it (apart from sleep drive and circadian rhythms). He gave me permission to stop trying and to do nothing!! No more meditations, cognitive exercises, avoiding tv, phones etc – I could do what I wanted in the knowledge that all those things made no difference. I felt a lot of relief but I still wasn’t sleeping reliably. I’d have 1 or 2 good nights and then the anxiety would mount up again and I would be awake all night. So I was almost giving up and going back to some kind of medication when Martin pointed out that I was still focusing on how much sleep I was getting and how I could stabilise it. It is a complete switching off about sleep that is required. Don’t measure it, don’t look at clocks, accept it. It is like breathing, it comes naturally so stop worrying about it. If you don’t sleep it doesn’t matter. It will be back when it’s ready. This last bit has been gradual. A bad night then a couple of good ones but I removed the fear and anxiety from the bad ones. I’ve told myself I must be patient, it will get better and it is. I don’t think about it anymore. If I get a thought about it during the day I say ‘hallo thought, it’s ok I don’t need you now. I’ve got this, you are no longer important!’
So yes….gradual with a lot of brain work 🧠. With sleep, my chronic pain is improving and so is my anxiety. I have also used the mind/body knowledge which has helped me massively (authors are John Sarno, Howard Schubiner, Alan Gordon, David Clarke, David Hanscom, Nicole Sachs).
Martin is the best and only person offering excellent advice about insomnia. His podcasts are brilliant when he talks to people with recovery stories. Check those out if you haven’t already.
If you have read my ramble to the end congratulations! I hope it maybe helps someone. Remember it’s all about the brain and your mindset. Stop the battle, take charge and get on with your life!!

[Hope]

Hi Chee2308 and Bronte, thank you so very much for your thoughtful and very helpful advice. It’s really very kind of you both.

[Hope]

I also noticed I feel not like myself, sadder and more anxious/fearful in general and withdrawing from family and friends, with little interest in things that used to make me happy. Are these feelings typical during recovery?

[Chee2308]

Hello lemon!

I can feel happy or sad without insomnia either way 😂. So it may have nothing to do with sleep at all. Human beings are full of emotions, and emotions are like a roller coaster. Maybe you are just bored? Tired of doing the same thing repetitively?

Understand that changes are relentless. You may be happy or sad today, but all that is always subject to change. Same like insomnia. You may sleep bad on some nights but because change is possible, you will do better on other nights. There’s always ups and downs, as in life.

Having a bad night is not a setback, it is actually a test. Of how well you respond to bad sleep. Your response determines the trajectory of your recovery. And that’s all there is to it, really. It applies both to sleep and to life, in general. Best wishes.

[Hope]

Thank you Chee2308 for helping the community so much. It is really generous of you. I’ll keep in mind your advice!

[Bronte]

I do agree with Chee2308 but I also think you sound a bit depressed. It’s temporary I’m sure, so don’t worry. I think insomnia saps your enthusiasm and makes you feel as though family and friends don’t understand. You can feel isolated.
I would suggest that you continue to see people as much as you can, don’t pull out of social things as you need them to distract you and help you through this current difficult time.
I felt very much like you but it will get better. Stay strong and try to accept the insomnia and get on with life regardless (I know it’s hard). Work on getting the insomnia into perspective. It is temporary and you can get through it. Also take some time for yourself and maybe do a meditation to calm yourself (not at bedtime). Can you gain some support from one person? Or you can write down how you are feeling to acknowledge your emotions and separate yourself from them. You can then destroy what you write. This is a very good way of working through how you feel and validating it.
Take care and stay strong. You can get through this.

[Hope]

Thank you so much Bronte! I’ll try hard to do what you suggest.

[Buddy370]

Hello Lovely
You sound exactly like me constantly ruminating about my sleep. I think I’ve over done watching sleep videos and podcasts. I did find them very reassuring and calming but my mind wasn’t getting a break from thinking about sleep.. I’ve read 5 sleep books and audio books .. whenever I was walking or driving I was listening to podcasts..googled everything about sleep and yes I feel like I’m in a prison at the moment. So now I’m going on a sleep detox.. no more videos or podcasts .. listening to audio books about sleep.. just need to try to focus on something else in my life and just accept my crappy sleep and know that I’m getting better. Insomnia does not deserve all this attention and I know if I can slowly turn my attention away from it it will shrink away.. knowing this but actually implementing this is my challenge. Good to know I’m not alone and others have recovered .. it will happen for us too xx

[Hope]

Thanks Buddy370! Yes, recovery will happen for us too!

[Author]

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