[xbi]

I am a women who started menopause last yr. In the beginning it was just a constant wake up every 2 or so hrs due to hot flesh. Then all of sudden, for 3 nights I couldnt sleep – and I am talking an entire night not able to sleep. Understandably I panicked. I decided to start hormone therapy to help the sleep -before i was trying to tough it out. Also i should mention this initial happening of not able to sleep happened during my COVID infection – I had a very mild covid, sleep for a day, it was already much better. Then the sleep problem happened – so in the back of my mind I always wonder if covid did something to my nerve system/brain? After the hormone therapy I was sleeping fine for maybe 2 months, even though I still wake up from hot flashes. Then i would have nights of not able to sleep when I had night activities suck as playing pickleball or take dance lessons. So I stopped all that to not stimulate myself late into the night. But still i went down a rabbit hole – i started worrying, i had anxiety attack… So i would have poor nights of sleep… I was exhausted so I started on Ambient (2.5mg) pill. Then i went on a vacation – not knowing how my body would react. During the vacation I decided to wane myself off the pill – initially my sleep was still not good, but toward the end of vacation i was able to sleep! When i got home, i was little anxious again, but I was able to sleep for 2 nights. Then the problem starts again. Ever since then, it has been a roller coaster. In the period of time, i read a couple of books – Sasha Stephens, Guy Meadows’s books. I learnt a lot about sleep and understand it is the hyper-rousal is keeping me from getting sleep. So during this period, some days I would just be relaxed knowing the reason for not able to sleep (indeed, at times I wondered what’s wrong with me before reading the books) and slept well, but some days not. But recently it got really bad again – so i wanted to start CBTi. But on bad nights, i am only getting 1-3 hrs of sleep (amazingly if i can get 4 hrs of sleep my body is already very happy and i can function reasonably well). How do I implement the sleep restriction? by going to bed at 3 or 4am? Also some nights I am awake almost all night – how am I going to implement getting out bed when I cant sleep? I know very well the anxiety is the culprit of my problem, but I cant seem to find a way to control it, even with trying the acceptance technique. Many videos talk about not reacting to thought or accept the thought – but my problem is that my body just start panicking (knots in stomach, hard to breathe) without even there is a thought (or at least i feel that way), it just starts automatically panicking. I feel like i know all the theory, yet I cant implement it or control my emotion. I know my body is capable of sleep, and the problem is all caused by me, myself, yet I cant get out it. I feel I am completely stuck. I also feel I am stupid for letting myself stuck in this rabbit hole.
Pls help.

Thanks.

PS – i also do want to ask, is Insomnia just part of menopause, because of hormone imbalance? Because there are nights, i lay there, i feel i am calm and still cant sleep.

[Martin Reed]

Menopause can create some sleep disruption — and yet, when insomnia sticks around it’s virtually guaranteed to be present because of our response; all the (understandable) things we do to try to get rid of it, to make sleep happen, or to otherwise try to fight or avoid all the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come with insomnia.

From reading your post, your experience is quite common and isn’t unique or unusual. In terms of a sleep window, you might want to start by allotting six hours or so for sleep. You could decide on a consistent out of bed time that works for the kind of life you live, count back six hours and get an earliest bedtime.

I don’t think it’s essential to get out of bed at night just because you’re awake. What we’re really looking to do is to move away from struggling with nighttime wakefulness. So, it can be helpful to allow wakefulness to exist and if it starts to feel really uncomfortable and unpleasant you might give yourself the opportunity to do something more pleasant instead. And, that more pleasant activity might be something you do in bed or out of bed.

When it comes to the anxiety, quite often the more we try to control it the more we struggle with it. Acceptance isn’t about controlling anxiety or getting rid of it — it’s about accepting that it can’t be controlled and moving away from trying to fight it (even though it can be really unpleasant). That way, you aren’t adding struggle on top of all this difficult stuff.

You are NOT stupid — you are a human being experiencing a lot of difficulty. You are not alone, and there is a way through this!

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The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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