[Aisato]

I have been suffering with insomnia all of my life. It’s gotten worse over the years…I have never been able to fall asleep or stay asleep without taking something. I’ve seen many Dr’s and have tried several medications but nothing has really worked…

[hiker]

Hi Asiago, I got chronic insomnia at age 27 and still struggle at age 72. I always add this doesn’t mean you will —I had to address long term child trauma. But it sounds like you’ve had it quite a while.

I can say I have learned a lot and am doing a lot better than I used to. I also ran the gamut of docs and drugs. I concluded that most sleep docs don’t know that much about treatment for insomnia, other than sleep apnea.

What I found more helpful was dealing with my thoughts, which I discovered were leading me to ruminate endlessly about my condition. To the point where I was ascribing personal characteristics to insomnia, like it were some sort of monster.

I’m guessing if you’ve been at this a while, your thoughts have probably gone crazy too.

I hope you stick with this site and check out what Martin has to offer. And read others’ comments and the responses they get. Okay maybe we stumble through it at times, but I think you’ll see a pattern —-that rumination and panic and effort can get in the way.

Take care, you are definitely not alone.

[Aisato]

Thank you for your kind words…I’m trying not to lose hope.

[Edgar]

I’ve had insomnia my whole life, too. Only remember sleeping well as a child.

Hiker’s words are comforting. You can live a full life in spite of the condition.

There is no cure, only ways to cope. It helps not catastrophising about it, and refrain from identifying yourself with your insomnia as if it’s all you are, though we all do it from time to time.

Seeing the world sleep while we can’t is depressing, but it’s important to keep living as close to normal as you can, whenever you can.

[Aisato]

Thank you for your kind words…it really means a lot.

[hiker]

I guess my only postscript here is that insomnia need not be a lifelong condition, and this is coming from someone who has dealt with it for quite a while. It is not an incurable illness (I think at present e.g., colitis or Crohn’s disease fit this category). Rather it is a condition which can pop up when something clearly stressful pops up in your life, e.g. getting laid off, car wreck. And which can hang around after the stressful event has passed—if we start obsessing about it. Yes, it is hard not to obsess about it when we want to sleep so desperately.

Sometimes when I get desperate, I get a flash of insight that I’m indeed obsessing, to the extent where I can say to myself, “I’m having the thought I am desperate for sleep. I’m having the thought that I wish I were dead rather than continue living like this.” And if I am really having the insights roll in, I realize yet again how different this mindset is from “I am desperate for sleep. I wish I were dead rather than continue living like this.” Perhaps re-reading this paragraph will help, maybe slowing down a bit. You can measure the difference in light-years, and I know it’s hard to see the difference when you are hammered from insomnia. It’s there notwithstanding.

Finally, I know it can seem like other people are having an easy time, waking up refreshed virtually every day while you are so exhausted you wonder how much longer you can take it. Fact is, millions of people did not sleep well last night, a lot of them for quite a few nights. And even those who might not have insomnia right now, odds are they are dealing with something, or just did, or will be before long. Nobody skates, though again I know it seems like it sometimes. Insomnia can really mess with your head! When I sort of come to, I realize that okay, it’s the insomnia talking again.

[Author]

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