[Tessishere]

I wanted to write a life update about my husband.

Just a refresher, I had made this account and stalked the site for my husband who began suffering from insomnia late June/early July of last year. It was honestly the most difficult thing he had been through in his life.

At the time this all began, (it started with a hospital visit when his vision blurred and we were given a direct answer but later come to find out it was stress/heat exhaustion related due to his work) and we didn’t realize how much sleep affected our bodies and when he began to have trouble sleeping, his physical symptoms began to take a toll on his physical and mental health, which then began to create a cycle that he got stuck in.

He had every anxiety symptom and then some. Body pain, migraines, vision problems, pins and needles, body numbing, he could barely talk to me or form thoughts for months.

He was sleeping on average 8 hours a week, three straight days awake and then maybe 3 hours broken up one night and then awake another two to three days and repeat.

He began to think he had something deeper wrong with him because every single doctor he saw didn’t have an answer besides pills and telling him he was fine.

When he clearly wasn’t fine. He did cbti with a local lady and while his sleep slightly improved, it left so many things unanswered and put too much emphasis on sleep tracking etc.

I felt like I was losing my husband and he began to spiral into a depression I wasn’t sure he’d make it out of. All he could think about was sleep. He worried about sleep. It took such a toll on our lives for six months straight.

I found Martin’s site in the late fall and began to discuss with my husband that we went about this the wrong way. He was worried about sleep and focusing on how much sleep he was or wasn’t getting and put too much focus on it. It literally became the center of our lives. And that is where the problem was.

I began to read stories from this forum to my husband bc with his migraines and inability to focus he couldn’t read much. We began to shift our focus to the things that mattered. Our family. Our marriage. Our friendships. Our hobbies. We made an effort to not talk or worry about sleep much. Because if his mind didn’t think their was a problem then his mind wouldn’t fear wakefulness and sleep would come more easily.

It was HARD at first. We did things like covering the clocks so that our nights would be ‘timeless’ and he would stay awake until he felt actually sleepy. We wouldn’t know what time treat would be bc he wouldn’t have any clock telling him. It took the pressure of how late it was off of him. This is what truly worked for us in the beginning. My husband slowly began to physically and mentally heal.

After a few weeks of incorporating these things into our lives his sleep began to come in a more regular form. I emailed Martin a few times about intrusive thoughts that would keep my husband from sleeping some nights and Martin gave us some great insight. The thoughts don’t keep us from sleep, but it’s battling with them that does.

My husband began a meditation type practice where when an intrusive thought came he wouldn’t engage with it, he would clear his mind and let it leave.

I updated back in February about how shortly after Christmas is when my husband began to finally sleep and experienced maybe a night or two of sleepless nights in January. This was huge bc he would have more sleepless nights in a week than nights when he did sleep. We also were still covering clocks etc.

Chee had mentioned how my husband probably didn’t even need to have the clocks covered etc. I had mentioned that to my husband, not to push him, but to see if he was ready for that next step into his recovery. By the beginning of April he told me he was ready to stop covering clocks and take off the tape covering the time on his phone.

The amazing thing is that the first night we did it, he was nervous bc he thought if he saw how late it was he would feel pressured and it would start his insomnia again. Well, that wasn’t the case. He knew the time and went to sleep just fine. He told me that he told himself it doesn’t matter what the time is bc it’s just a number and he will sleep regardless when he’s sleepy.

Here we are in mid-May and my husband has pretty much gotten past the trauma that last year’s insomnia left. He didn’t think he would ever get to this point.

There were so many days and nights of tears where he didn’t think he could do it anymore. And that even if he beat Insomnia that he would be traumatized forever by it or mentally/physically impaired from it.

He would tell me all the time that he didn’t think he could ever let go of months and months of thinking about and obsessing over sleep. That it would always be on his mind or in the back of his mind.

I am here to tell you that it does get better and the hold you think it has over you WILL cease. We don’t even talk about insomnia or sleep anymore. Which is crazy bc it consumed our lives for 6 months!

The healing was slow but it came gradually and some days were better than others. He would mention to me that he was afraid that he would think of Insomnia and it would all come rushing back to him and undo his progress.

I told him that Insomnia is basically just a bully. Pay it no mind and live your life and it will stop trying to creep into your life. We can finally talk about his insomnia and the journey it has been and it doesn’t affect him at all.

All this to say, I have my husband back! It’s been five months without any sleepless nights and we even went tent camping (something he didn’t think he’d be able to do again bc of his insomnia) a few weeks ago which threw off our nighttime routine and he slept better than I did!!

Things do get better! And if you have sleep anxiety like my husband did, it does get better!

Martin has so much to offer if you’re struggling. I wish we would have found Martin and this forum sooner bc we felt so alone going through this in the beginning.

[Chee2308]

WOW, Tess, WOW! Your story will reverberate in this forum for as long as it is up. I have no doubt in the future, someone in a similar situation as your husband (which is a lot, I can assure you) will get so much inspiration from reading your story, and it eventually helps them move past their struggle. You have no idea how many potential insomniacs you’d have helped to heal. THANK YOU!

[Martin Reed]

There are so many huge insights here, it’s impossible to pull out just one or two — thank you so much for sharing, Tess!

I think that what you’ve shared here proves that no matter how difficult things are, no matter how hopeless things might feel, no matter how broken we might feel, there is always hope and there is always the opportunity to explore (and practice) a different approach that might help free us from what can feel like a struggle that will never end.

This isn’t an easy process. It takes time. It’s hard. And it can be done. As your husband has proved thanks to his own actions and your support!

Shoutout to Chee, too, for his suggestion to allow the time to be visible again when that felt like a step your husband was ready to take!

PS: I broke your post up into paragraphed sections to make it a bit easier for others to read and added links to the posts you mentioned. Your post is important so I wanted to make sure it doesn’t get missed and that everyone has the best possible opportunity to absorb all the great insights you’ve shared!

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[healthychoices]

Great story Tessishere. Thanks for taking the time to share.
It just goes to show there is hope for us all.

Glad you have your husband back.

🙂

[Spindledog]

Fabulous story. I’ve read it more than once and appreciate all the detail.

[lynnbet]

Hi Tess, thank you for the update! Truly encouraging! I am going through the recovery( very slowly, and experiencing set backs every now and then). Small question from me: from what I understand from your husband’s journey, it seems that the memory of this experience will never be erased from him. But in the future, the thought of insomnia will no longer generate the same negative impact on him anymore. Is this correct? At one stage I was hoping that in time, we will forget about it. After reading you update about you and your husband even freely talk about insomnia now, it seems that we will never forget it, however we will become stronger and in time, learn how to deal with this bully rather then forget about it. Is this the correct understanding? Thank you Tess!

[Michael61]

Great story! I’ve had insomnia most of my adult life, and I’ve been through some rough patches but I don’t think as bad as your husband. My wife has never understood and has no idea how to help. I think I can be intimidating for her, so she doesn’t even try. But recently, on my own, I feel I have slowly been able to get a handle on my sleep. The key for me was convincing myself that lack of sleep on any particular night is no big deal. I now go to bed and, if the thought pops into my head about maybe not sleeping well I just say to myself “So what? It’s just not that bad if I don’t.” I don’t even worry about what time I am getting to bed. If I stay up a bit later with my wife to watch a movie, I just don’t let it concern me. So far it’s working well. I may still take the course just to learn even more things.

[Pete800]

Thank you for sharing. This has been helpful for someone like me who is currently in the thick of it all. Your husband seems to have shared many similar thoughts and feelings of mine. Waiting for bedtime to come around is constantly on my mind all day. I’ve tailored my days to set me up for the best opportunity to sleep. After not sleeping for 3-4 days straight, I stayed up until I actually fell asleep petting my dog. Then I dragged myself to bed and slept really well.

You and your husband I think were onto something when you did you best to stop talking and worrying about sleep. I really appreciate your journey and it has inspired me to continue to battle the “bully”, really by ignoring it the best I can. THANK YOU!

[hiker]

It can’t be easy for spouses or partners to live with someone suffering from insomnia. I’m sorry your husband had to go through such a rough patch, but man, is he lucky to have you sticking by him.

It sounds like you both have learned a lot. Thanks for sharing your story.

[Evieviera]

Tess, thank you for sharing you and your husband’s journey. It was hard in the beginning before I signed up for Martin’s program for my husband to understand what actually happens with insomnia, you can’t just tell yourself to go to sleep.

I know I will also soon be sleeping peacefully again after reading your story, very hopeful!

[Czor]

What a ray of hope and sunshine during some cloudy days, thank you for posting

[Howard Hopkins]

Last night I did not read in bed and when I did not go to sleep
in an appropriate period I went to another location and read. I
then returned to bed and slept about six hours.

[MarionTL]

Thank you for sharing your husband’s story. It is very encouraging. I signed up for the 2 weeks free course today, hoping to help my brother who has very severe insomnia. I have insomnia too, but live with it okay. My brother wakes up every day saying he didn’t sleep at all. He has trouble concentrating and remembering when reading, so I am doing the reading and research for him.

[healthychoices]

Wow! Thanks for sharing Tessishere. Much appreciated.
I’ve had bouts of insomnia throughout my life. Your story really hits home.

And Yes – insomnia is basically just a bully.

🙂

[kat2667]

Thank you so much for sharing this amazing story. I am working two jobs and in a very difficult graduate school program, and I am not sleeping lately, which has been incredibly traumatic. This is SO comforting for you to share this story.
He is lucky to be married to someone who cares so deeply about him and was willing to help search for the answers.
What a beautiful testimony to share about this very specific issue that many do not know about.
I am implementing the CBT-I techniques from Martin and trusting that I will see results. Seeing stories like this give me hope that it will all be okay.

[Author]

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