[flight11]

Has anyone experienced what I have after a night of poor quality and quantity of sleep. The next day I am not only very tired but my MOOD is so filled with
negative thoughts and emotions that I don’t even recognize myself.I stumble through the day trying to engage with life as much as possible (I am 70 years of age) as Martin often suggests should be done, but come night, I am so filled with despair that this often leads to another poor night. My anxiety from the day leads to poor sleep. Poor sleep leads to a poor day and so on..I tried to consolidate my poor sleep maintenance by carefully following Martin’s 8 week CBT I course . Unfortunately, my wake ups at 3 am continued and I found that the tight rules and small window increased my anxiety.
I try to just let sleep happen since I know I can’t control it (as Chee often mentions), but these mood shifts during the day are so pronounced that it’s impossible to ignore what’s happening.Before insomnia (it’s been a year now) I was a fairly normal, balanced person.
Does anyone have any suggestions?

[Martin Reed]

I don’t believe you took my eight-week online insomnia coaching course — perhaps you are thinking of the free two-week insomnia sleep training course I offer?

I think it’s normal to experience a low mood and uncomfortable thoughts and feelings after a difficult night — because the brain is hard-wired to do just that. Sometimes it’s our attempts to fight or avoid those thoughts and feelings that get us trapped in a struggle with them.

You mentioned that poor sleep leads to a poor day. Does that mean you have absolutely no control over the quality of your day, and that 100% of how you feel during the day is completely connected to how you sleep at night, 100% of the time?

I wonder if there might still be some things you can do, even when feeling low and filled with unpleasant thoughts and emotions, that might help you live your life in a way you want to live your life, and bring some positive or at least some OK moments to your days?

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The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[Chee2308]

Hello flight11
Unfortunately the only way to not be bothered or intimidated by sleep thoughts anymore is ironically, having more of these thoughts! Ask yourself in another way: How does one get over the fear of anything? Well the most effective and recommmended treatment adopted by most psychologists is getting their patients accustomed to them through repeated exposures. And the normal human response in these cases is eventually becoming bored and fed up by it over time that they don’t seem scary anymore. And that’s how you recover! By not doing anything to escape or avoid it, you just get desensitized over time. The mindset will start shifting “oh no I need do x,y,z to escape this” to “you know what, I just can’t be bothered anymore” or “fine whatever, I just don’t care anymore, there’s nothing i can do!”.

[whitelori]

Chee2308, it is very hard to desensitize when you feel so bad physically day in and out. I understand what flight11 is saying. I personally have done all the things to let it go, not care, just let it be what it will be, I can’t be bothered, acceptance that you look tired and people notice, etc., but when sleep quality still does not improve despite that mindset and doing healthy things as far as getting up the same time every day, how do you accept it then? I live life normally and am still here 30 years later, but the days are hard. Like having chronic pain. And a low mood and depression are difficult to ward off.

[Chee2308]

I’m not belittling the pain or suffering but it CAN be done. Thousands if not millions of people have gotten over insomnia adopting a carefree attitude and the spirit of letting things be. If insomnia was so impossibly hard to overcome, everybody would still be insomniacs today and if insomnia had adverse health consequences, then people would die by the millions everyday since it’s “incurable”. And you said you’ve got it for over 30 years? Haven’t you already gotten used to it? Besides sleep is something that nobody ever has any control over so it is pointless and futile to be worrying over such things, it would be like worrying over your own breathing, whether you are getting enough oxygen, worrying about hunger, and whether you are getting enough nutrients to the exact proportions. Is there any point to be so obessesive about such things to the point of paranoia? What about just shrugging your shoulders and saying “I just can’t control sleep, nobody ever has” and completely giving up control whenever the worry or anxiety about sleep arises. Of course, I am talking about sleep related anxiety and the uncomfortable sensations that you may feel is somehow connected to bad nights. This means accepting the discomforts too because it is the only way to get out of it! Be accepting and optimistic instead of controlling, pessimistic, always doom and gloom. Of course, if your insomnia has other causes such as chronic pain, it makes sense to seek medical attention to address the underlying cause. Otherwise, insomnia is mainly just a mental issue developed as a result of a learned response to difficult nights that connects them to bad outcomes, which are often wrong and misconcepted, that keeps the insomnia ongoing.

[whitelori]

Thank you. You’re right and I will try to do this way of thinking consistently. I am not used to it after 30 years, I just expect it will be this way as I’ve struggled so long. A racing mind is also an obstacle, not just the learned response. I find it very hard to calm it down even with all the techniques out there. The only thing that works very well is a benzodiazepine which of course are not a long term solution.

[Chee2308]

Hi whitelori
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Accept that bad nights happens even to normal sleepers so it’s not a big deal. It’s often the frustration with the process and impatience with how long it’s taking that makes it hard to see much progress. Deploy self kindness to yourself, accept that you are trying to control something that’s virtually impossible so it’s okay to be frustrated when you don’t see results immediately. Be patient, disciplined and love yourself for the things that you have often overlooked, like your resilence at how long you have struggled with insomnia but somehow still managed to get through the days, year after year! That wasn’t an easy feat! Other than that, try to keep your bedtimes consistent so your body knows its routine. Try to enjoy your wakeful hours the best you can. Instead of worrying and obessesing over sleep, make a list of things you really want to do but haven’t got the opportunity nor time to do so yet. Make your mornings enjoyable and something you look forward to. Accept that you are only human and it’s only natural to do what is humanly possible whilst enjoying yourself in your own meaningful way. I hope you find your joy and happiness in life. Best wishes!

[whitelori]

Thank you Chee2308. This is very encouraging and kind. I will try! I wish the same to you as well.

[cat_ncsu]

Chee2308, I just want to say I love your encouraging spirit! May we all find the joy and happiness that you exude!

[Chee2308]

Thank you @cat_ncsu. I appreciate your kind comment.

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