[Ladysarah1985]

Hello! I’ll preface this by saying I have made some progress with my insomnia through Martin’s podcasts & also Daniel Erichsen’s podcast. Knowing my insomnia is not unique has been the most helpful tool I’ve found so far in diffusing my fear.

My insomnia started about 2 years ago when I had multiple life-altering losses. At the same time, Tylonal PM stopped working to help me sleep. I found I could fall asleep, but would wake up after 4-5 hours unable to go back to sleep. I have frequently missed those days in recent months as at least falling asleep was easy.

I started using every OTC med and a couple of prescriptions. Not all at one time – one at a time until they stopped working one by one. I’d get sleep for a few months, then whatever I was taking stopped working and I started to see that nothing is reliable for sleep.

My full-blown insomnia started 6 months ago. That’s when I started having nightly trouble sleeping and no sleep medication can help me. I have tried heavy-duty sedatives, but my fear of not sleeping is so strong that my body is sedated but my mind stays awake (torture, btw). I’d be lucky to get 3 hours of sleep, if any. My health has deteriorated. I’ve lost my hair, my skin and eyes are paper dry, and I cry over every little thing. I used to be the sanest person I knew before all of this.

About a month ago I found the aforementioned podcasts and started realizing that my fear of insomnia is now the cause of my chronic insomnia. I associate wakefulness with the deterioration of my physical and mental health, and so desperately want sleep that my body is hyperaroused.

So here’s where we are now. I’ll go 6-8 nights sleeping normally by not trying at all. And then I’ll have a night where I can’t sleep and don’t know why, and my fear starts all over again. I KNOW not to be afraid, and I honestly think I do a good job putting fear in its place.

There’s this thing where when I lay down to go to sleep, I let my mind drift. And somehow by not having anything to focus on, my mind never shuts off. It’s not thinking – but not sleeping, either. All night long I lay there my body sort of napping, but my mind awake. I find if around 3 am I finally start crying and mentally give myself a reassuring talk, verbally talking to myself occupies my brain and I fall asleep for the last couple of hours before it’s time to work.

What do people think about when they lie in bed?? I know we’re not supposed to try to do anything, but I think for someone with insomnia who is prone to anxiety and over thinking, my brain needs something to do. Mental games and podcasts don’t work – my brain knows they are sleep efforts. Do other people give themselves pep talks, or think about their day?

Does anyone even have any idea of what I’m talking about? It seems so bizarre that my brain ISN’T thinking – that is not what is keeping me awake. It just somehow doesn’t seem comforted enough to let go into sleep.

I know the answer is to not worry about it. I’m trying. I’m just feeling all those lost and confused feelings that come from having made some progress and not understanding why I’m still struggling.

Thank you.

[mistered]

I was doing well for the last few days. Last night, while getting ready for bed, I started thinking about sleep. What do you know — I had difficulty falling asleep and then was up every hour. I think the key is not thinking about sleep at all. I was successful when I kept my mind in a disengaged position before sleep. Forcing my brain to focus on something else is not helpful as sleep pushes back in front of mind.

[Chee2308]

Hello and welcome to this forum!

Pls read this thread, there’s a lot of tips and wonderful advice from Cindy:

100% cured from postpartum insomnia 🙂

Sleep isn’t the cure! The key is being okay with everything, including not being okay because you are getting really uncomfortable now. It is accepting whatever difficult situation you find yourself in and truly mean it, not pretending because somebody said so.

Like cindy says, the key to getting out of insomnia isn’t more sleep, it’s actually having more insomnia paradoxically! Because each difficult episode gives you the perfect opportunity to practice desensitization. With the correct mindset, those episodes lay the groundwork and gives you the fortitude to deal with future episodes with greater indifference. This won’t go away overnight, in a week, a month or whatever. There’s technically no time frame when your sensitivity to insomnia ends. It frequently just happens without your realizing it because your concept of sleep or how bad you are at it truly doesn’t matter anymore.

Good luck! Have the mental strength and courage to keep learning. Having insomnia is a great learning experience, you will learn much more about your life from it than just sleep alone.

[Martin Reed]

Welcome to the forum! There’s nothing unique or unusual in your experience (you might find this video helpful, too):

What to think about when you get into bed to help you relax and make sleep happen

Our thoughts and feelings cannot be controlled — the more we try, the more we struggle. I wonder if it might be helpful to take a step back and refocus here. If you were getting the exact amount and type of sleep you desired, what would you be doing differently in your life?

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If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[Ladysarah1985]

Thank you all for your feedback. I’ve been utilizing the advice on this page as well as others for a few weeks now. I’ll get sleep for sometimes 6-8 nights in a row (that is the current record), other times 3-4 nights. But then there will be a few nights where it feels like I’m back to square one. I know I’m supposed to not worry about it. I haven’t mastered doing that at the beginning yet – I’ve only been able to get there when I’m at my wits end.

To answer your question Martin – I do a pretty good job not changing anything for sleep. I had learned that letting sleep control my life was making insomnia worse. I still got up to go for a run this morning. I still attend social events. I’ve found no matter how tired I am, I can still function. My poor boyfriend is the only one who really suffers – he gets me crying in the middle of the night (crying at home in general, actually).

The nights that throw me badly are the ones it just doesn’t make sense. If I’m over thinking and that keeps me up then great – I get it, no problem. Work on mindfulness.

It’s when my mind isn’t thinking, but I never get to sleep – or past stage 1 sleep. It baffles me because it starts off feeling like every other night. That’s why I asked what to think about. Though I don’t know why I asked that – I know what comforts other people won’t be what comforts me. I just feel confused and tired of not having the security of trusting my body to sleep.

[Chee2308]

Hello!
I’m by no means an expert on this. The only other possibility when you can’t sleep when you aren’t overly anxious is because you just aren’t sleepy. Your body doesn’t need to sleep at that time. Aka you’re adequately rested. It’s that simple. Don’t spend too much time overthinking sleep. As a recovered person, I’m telling you upfront it’s just not worth it and a complete waste of time and effort. Your body knows how to sleep, those 6-8 nights of sleep (or 3-4 at your worst) are a testament to this. What more does your body need to do to prove to you that your sleep isn’t broken? Have a cry over it one last time and then resolve to no longer shed a tear or waste one more minute on it. Regular bed-timing and not setting any expectation of sleep is all you’ll ever need. The rest is up to your body.

Plenty of people have got over this. Most have recovered when they did and worried less, but doing nothing and learning to desensitize yourself is the best remedy. I am no longer losing sleep over sleep, I’m sure most recovered people are just like me. It just doesn’t bother us anymore no matter how bad our sleep gets.

Think of it like this: When there’s a heavy thunderstorm outside, do you go out, shout at the top of your lungs, shake your fists and try to punch every rain drop? Or do you just stay inside and wait it out? All storms will pass. It’s pointless to fight and change something beyond your control. Good luck!

[Cb5]

Hi. I have the same where my mind goes off on its own without me paying attention, but I’m still up. Then I notice it, and am like ‘ did I stop thinking ‘ ? Then I get frustrated, and realize I stopped thinking but didn’t fall asleep and then I start thinking again

[Cb5]

Thank you. We need to just let go . Whatever happens, happens. Have to keep reminding ourselves. F*** it.

[Cb5]

Chee– thanks for that post.

[Capt Dave Man]

Agree with everyone above. I hope to reach the f*** it button soon and start improving.

I also use this analogy:
When I’m deer hunting- I can’t make the deer appear any faster, especially before lunch or dark, if ever at all. I just have to accept that this may not happen, hit the f*** it button, start walking back to the truck, and then a suicidal deer usually walks out. Sometimes it may take 2 or 3 days.

But I can still dream that I’m chasing a herd of 200 pt bucks whether or not I’m sleeping.

[Martin Reed]

Thanks for sharing that analogy, Capt Dave Man!

@Ladysarah1985 – The nights that throw me badly are the ones it just doesn’t make sense.

Perhaps it doesn’t need to make sense and it’s the pursuit of trying to make sense out of something that doesn’t always make sense that could be the distraction here?

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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