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Hello,
I have been suffering from chronic insomnia for 3 months. It started when I couldn´t fall sleep a few nights and then I started thinking about it during the day so much. I think it was caused by stress as my son woke up so many times during the night and when he started sleeping better (at 16 months), I stopped sleeping. In the evening, I had a stomach ache, couldn´t eat and was shaking when I was supposed to go to bed, because I thought I wouldn´t be able to sleep. I had no clue what was happening to me. I had some psychotherapy online and also discussed my health problem with a psychiatrist. He put me on some pills that didn´t really work. From time to time I take a sleeping pill, when I am really desperate. Some nights I can´t fall asleep at all, I just keep going from the bedroom to the living room, where I read etc. There were some nights that were really great and I got motivated, but lately there have been nights, when I do not sleep at all. When this happens, the next day I cannot eat properly, feel nautious etc. When I am supposed to go to bed, I don´t feel tired. I have two children. 5 years and 19 months.) It is really difficult. Please help…Hi Andrea,
Welcome and thanks for sharing your story.
Insomnia is considered a 24-hour disorder due to the vicious loop we find ourselves in – can’t sleep at night, anxiety and concern about our sleep issue during the day and heightened arousal again at bedtime. When we experience a sudden life event, such as your son’s sleep disruptions, our sleep is restored once the situation has been resolved but if we begin to change our thoughts and behaviors toward our sleep, then the issue can perpetuate itself. Your son began waking multiple times during the night but then began to sleep better and through the night but I’m guessing he didn’t spend time during those awakenings to ruminate about why he couldn’t sleep or worry about it throughout the next day following a poor nights sleep. When we try to fix our sleep, it increases our arousal about the issue and potentially means another night of sleep disruption. Since we have absolutely no control of our sleep, I wonder if there are more meaningful things in your life you could engage in than to worry about it? Let’s say you didn’t have insomnia, what would you be doing during your day/night that you’re not doing now because of your sleep issue? Are there more enjoyable activities you could engage in that better align with your values instead of being caught in a tug-o-war with your unhelpful thoughts about sleep?
Hope this helps,
Scott J—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Scott,
thank you for your prompt reply. I try to do normal daily chores, take care of children and a little bit of excercise at home. I was feeling better, got rid of the anxiety symptoms, like stomach ache, feeling nautious atc. But lately, I´ve had a few nights, where I didn´t sleep at all and it all came back. I feel like, I start from the beginning and I thought I was on a good way…:( I think about sleep a lot, but we cannot control our thoughts right? Just the reaction to them… Whenever I go to bed, I tell myself, you cannot put effort in falling asleep, but I don´t know how to do it. I can´ t help it 🙁Andrea,
You’re absolutely correct – we can’t control our thoughts – when they arrive, the topic, etc. but we CAN control how we respond to them. Most of our thoughts are unhelpful, they make us feel uncomfortable, frustrated and because of that, we begin to have this endless battle with them. We want them to go away but we can’t…just like we can’t stop the waves in the ocean.
When we try to control our thoughts it usually makes those thoughts rage even more and visit more frequently. Instead of spending all that energy trying to control our thoughts, do you think it might be more beneficial if we changed our relationship with them? Instead of picking a fight with them – welcome them instead! When you experience one of those sleep-related thoughts, simply thank your mind for being on guard by saying, “oh, thank you, mind!” and carry on with the activity you were doing when it arrived. Those thoughts will indeed return, but if you continue to practice this technique, over time they become less impactful to you. I wonder if telling yourself not to put effort into falling asleep when you go to bed is actually effort, or in the very least, a “control” strategy?Scott J
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You’re welcome! I look forward to hearing about your progress.
Scott J
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Dear Scott,
I have one more question. When you had insomnia, did you suffer from anxiety symptoms? Such as feeling nausesous, or you couldn´t eat, shaking etc.? These symptoms seems to be worse that the fatigue. And I am not sure, how to fight them. When I have a really bad night, the next day is awful concerning these symptoms…Hi Andrea,
Good question! I didn’t experience any of those affects from my anxiety but I did have fatigue and crying episodes (after 4 consecutive days of no sleep) wondering what was wrong with me. During the 10 months of insomnia, I put everything in my life on hold – canceling/declining social events, quit exercising, no wine at dinner, etc – in hopes it would solve my sleep issue. No surprise, all of those lifestyle changes didn’t move the needle any closer to resolving it and, in turn, greatly diminished those things in life that I valued. Once I began Martin’s 14-day e-course, I began to experience some traction in restoring my sleep but it was when I changed the relationship with my thoughts that I really turned a corner. Believe it or not, I still have an occasional sleep-related thoughts but the difference now is that I allow it to exist instead of trying to force it away or struggle with it. That mindset didn’t change overnight, it’s been a journey of practicing that technique over and over.
What can you do during the day following a poor night’s sleep that would make that day more pleasant for you? As difficult as it is, we shouldn’t associate having a bad day with poor sleep the prior night. Have you ever had a bad day after a good night’s sleep? What if you slept terrible (or not at all) last night and woke up to news that you won a $100 million lottery – still think you’d have a terrible day?
Scott J
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Well if I have a bad night´s sleep I try to function as best as I can. It is tough for sure, especially when you have 2 small children. (so that sense of responsibility., that I have to take care of them no matter what) I was actually feeling better concerning those anxiety symptoms. I somehow overcame them, I guess by accepting them) But then I´ve had a few nights with no sleep (as I try to leave my bed if I cannot fall asleep) and all these symptoms came back. So I´ve been trying again. If I sleep better, I don´t usually bother about the thoughts, but when I sleep bad, I analyze my sleep all day. Then in the evening, I got scared that for example I am not tired at 9 or 10 pm and think what if I never get tired OR what if I don´t sleep at all for a few consecutive days and it will drive me crazy and I end up taking a sleeping pill after a few bad nights, which is not right. I know.
Andrea,
That’s great to hear that you haven’t changed your daily agenda because of your sleep disruptions! What you’re going through isn’t uncommon. Anxiety alone doesn’t disrupt our sleep, but our struggle with those thoughts do. It’s understandable to try to avoid or fight with them because they don’t feel good and makes us uncomfortable, but if we continue to struggle with them instead of just letting them come and go as they please, we’ll continue to find sleep a challenge. As you said, you overcame them because you accepted them to be there instead of trying to control them! I wonder if you could take that same approach to your thoughts during the daytime and at 9/10pm when they seem to pop in your head most often and find that beneficial too?
If you’re not feeling frustrated or have anxious thoughts, you’re welcome to remain in bed. When your anxiety increases and conditions aren’t good for sleep, it’s recommended you get out of bed and engage in something more enjoyable. If you remain in bed while being anxious/frustrated, it creates a conditioned arousal between your mind and your bed.
Scott J
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
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