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I will try to keep this concise and as helpful as possible!
I developed really bad insomnia 6yrs ago and “cured” it (lol) with trazadone for about 4yrs. Then I got married and planned a huge wedding and all hell broke loose. Trazodone stopped working and I was sleeping 3hrs a night or so for months on end. I ended up in the psych ward and they gave me more pills (big mistake). For the past few months I’ve hurdled many milestones that have led to essentially normal sleep.
1. NEVER take sleeping pills. I stopped taking sleeping pills (forever). I was on Remeron and the BEST way to get off sleeping pills is to move it slowly away from bedtime. I started to take it 5-10mins earlier each night and would stop if I felt it was too fast. Over time I was taking it 2-3hrs before bedtime and I would sleep fine and eventually I realized it was ME sleeping not the pill (then I tapered the meds to less of a dosage until I was completely off *talk to your doctor if unsure of proper taper*). Also I started to feel WAY better since the pill wasn’t messing with my sleep architecture.
2. Mentally reconcile anything you THINK is causing your insomnia. For me it was mentally reconciling with my wife. Since all of this started when my wife moved in/got married, I couldn’t help but think it was her presence that was causing my insomnia. We separated for a week and I realized it wasn’t her, but me that was causing the issue since I still slept bad. Once I knew it wasn’t her my mind was much more at ease in our home (leading to better sleep).
3. Doing things I used to do. I cut out loads of stuff to sleep better, making plans with friends, drinking coffee, limited sex with my wife, not playing high action video games, working, etc. As my conditioned improved I slowly starting doing these things again and they relieved a lot of my mental stress (leading to better sleep).
3. Sleep Structure. I restrict my time in bed to 7-7.5hrs a night (also I usually go to bed and wake up around the same time). That makes me more tired at bedtime and reduces the time awake in bed, which slowly eased my mind when in bed. When I can’t sleep I get up and go to our couch and just lay there with the lights off and look out the window/let my mind wander. Eventually I get tired again and I go back to bed, sometimes it takes a few times, but I always eventually fall asleep.
4. Self-talk in bed. If I can’t fall asleep I tell myself “You don’t know when you fall asleep and that’s the point” and that helps me stop monitoring my sleep (if you monitor your sleep it makes sleep much harder). Also after awhile of doing the above steps I started having stable days even if I got less than ideal sleep. Once that happened I started telling myself “It doesn’t matter how I sleep / I don’t care” and eventually that took a lot of pressure off my mind once again and therefore I slept even better.
In summation, I’m writing this because bad sleep literally ruined my entire life and I didn’t think I was going to make it, but look at me now. I used to read some of the success/horror stories and my story is about as bad as it gets.
If any of you are reading this and suffering – do the above steps and mold it around your situation and I promise it will get better. Remember it’s usually two steps forward then one step back so be patient with yourself. And lastly sleep is best when you stop thinking about it, do the above and over time you’ll think about it a lot less.
Your story really echoes a lot with mine but I did it in a lot less time, I got over my insomnia in just 3 months while you took years??? Most people don’t realise the journey to recovery is a lot less bumpy and much shorter as long as you develop the right mindset. Insomnia is really a mind issue so you really need to work on your thoughts and mindset if you want to find any relief. CBT-i works too but it is too academic and rigid to me and doesn’t address the mental aspect of insomnia, which is exactly what is causing and perpetuating sleep disruption for most people. Less attachment to the outcome and only going to bed when sleepy after staying awake long enough is all that it takes to sleeping normally again. Anything else including sleep medications are essentially useless and can even make it worse.
Outstanding news! Thanks for sharing your story and your tips for others to explore.
Scott J
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The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I only use sleeping pills as a last resort but then I rarely need them. I get bad patches of sleepless nights due to my ocd/anxiety and they seem to resolve on their own. I get so exhausted that my eyes get heavy and I pass out. If I can forget that I have a problem or stop obessing, the anxiety goes away. It’s hard to describe. Forget you have insomnia and do things you enjoy. I like to go for walks and play games and just live life.
I am still struggling with insomnia, just started seeing this website as an option. Your stories are really encouraging. There is a part of me that says it won’t work for me, I am the off one out, but hey why not give it a try at least??
Thank you for this. I’m fairly new to CBT-I and moving in a good direction. It’s great to hear and identify with other’s struggles and success stories!
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