[Etty]

I’m wondering if someone can help or offer some advice. I’ve just completed my third night of sleep restriction (12AM bed, 6AM rise) but I have slept only 2 hours each night and I am physically and mentally exhausted. I’m trying to really apply the “set it and forget it” approach that Martin recommends but I am struggling badly.
My problem is hyperarousal every night. I work on talking kindly to myself when I woke, calming myself time but I am getting little to no sleep. Did anyone else experience such difficulties and on what stage of sleep restriction should I begin to notice an improvement? Thank you.

[Bronte]

Hi Etty
Sorry to hear that you are getting so little sleep. I’ve been there and know exactly how exhausting it is. I’m sure you are really struggling to stay awake during the day, particularly in the evenings. My advice is to go to bed when you feel very sleepy and just can’t stay awake (doesn’t matter what time it is, as long as it’s after 10.30pm) and then get up at 6.00am every day. Don’t look at the time during the night.
The real key to solving insomnia is to stifle its importance in your life. Be busy regardless of how much sleep you’ve had. See friends, get on with your life and stop caring about it. My advice is to become ‘not bothered’ whether you sleep, or not. It doesn’t matter……so you feel bad during the next day, so what!!
I find the best thing is to take out any rituals or habits before bed. Do what you like. People who sleep easily don’t even think about it. Go to bed sleepy and tell your brain you are just resting. You don’t care whether you sleep or not. It sometimes takes a while but I lay with my eyes shut and think ‘be patient, I am resting, it doesn’t matter if I don’t sleep’. Read a book before bed if it helps and then you can think about the story when you lie down. Each day fill your day with work, fun whatever you can do and don’t think about it. Sleep doesn’t matter anymore. It will happen when it’s ready. You will give yourself the opportunity to sleep every night, your brain will get the hang of it.
So basically get ‘NOT BOTHERED’ about sleep and sideline it.
It’s taken me decades to overcome severe insomnia but I realise now it’s just about letting go and not focussing on it, not struggling with it, not constantly looking for ways out of the problem. I know it’s hard to do but keep practising and it will work.
Good luck!! You will get better.

[Martin Reed]

Welcome to the forum, Etty — you are clearly a strong advocate for yourself and a committed problem solver!

Bronte offers some great advice here 👍

What I would add is that whenever you make any change, it can be helpful to commit to that change for at least a week or two (ideally closer to two weeks) before drawing any conclusions. It takes time to adjust and adapt.

A sleep window can get you started on the journey of moving away from chasing after sleep but it doesn’t really deal with all the other stuff associated with the insomnia struggle (like how you respond to being awake when you want to be asleep, how your respond to all the difficult thoughts and feelings that can show up, etc).

In any case what matters here is that you are taking action. You are off to a great start and are way ahead of anyone else who might be struggling and not giving change the opportunity to happen 🙌

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[Etty]

Bronte, thank you SO much for taking the time to wrote such a lengthy response to my post, I really appreciate it as the sleep restriction phase can be quite a lovely place abd just hearing from people like yourself who have gone through similar struggles and come out the other end is truly so helpful and gives me so much hope. I have being so much better since my post. For me I don’t usually get that “sleepy, can’t keep my eyes open” feeling which would be my cue for bed. However by night 4 I certainly did struggle to stay awake until .midnight and I managed 4.5 hours sleep that night! I was so happy and felt so much better the next day. Whilst I know I may not always get that 4.5 hours every night I really feel this is working! I am so grateful for your time and advice 💗

[Etty]

*lonely NOT lovely 😅

Mind you, I can appreciate that there is actually something quite lovely about rising at 6AM to a quiet house and birdsong in the garden. 🥰

[Bronte]

You are welcome Etty and glad it helped.

Last night I’d been out with friends and when I got in bed at 12.00 I was still quite buzzed up. I lay there with my eyes shut for some time. In the past I would have started to think ‘that’s it, I can’t sleep, I’m going to be awake all night’. I would get stressed and start trying to think of things I can do to shut my brain up and get to sleep (meditation, cognitive exercises etc). However, this time I was very calm, I just laid there and thought ‘be patient, just wait…..’ I kept saying ‘be patient’ ……and I went to sleep!
It’s all about mindset. Stay calm and tell yourself it doesn’t matter if you don’t sleep.
So pleased to hear things are improving 👍

[Etty]

Martin, thank you so much for responding. You quite literally have been my lifesaver.
I have struggled with chronic Insomnia for over 25 years. I have done so much research, read so many books, took herbal supplements, followed every type of sleep hygiene guideline…. nothing helped! That is until I found you. I honestly cannot begin to thank you enough. The only reason I haven’t signed up to your course is because my dog is going through cancer treatment and it’s a big outlay at the minute, BUT I am watching all your videos, listening to all your podcasts and following all of your advice. You are beyond generous with the amount of free content you provide and I, for one, am so grateful to you. I had been doing everything wrong when it came to my sleep struggles. I was going to bed at 9:30 PM every night. My issue is waking g multiple times throughout the night and not being able to get back to sleep. I am now on day 7 of sleep restriction and I am doing really well! I am SO determined to make this work and take my control back. When I wake at night I talk kindly to myself, reminding myself that waking in the middle of the night is normal. I tell myself I may or may not return to sleep, but that either way I will cope just fine the next day. This way of thinking has been a complete game changer for me in terms of my mood the following day. Previously if I had gotten little to no sleep I would keep reminding myself of this the next day. I would keep telling myself how exhausted I was, how my day was going to be such a struggle…..all this did was bring me down and my thoughts very much did then create my reality. Now, if I have a bad night I don’t give it my energy. I go about my day as normal. I know it’s very early days for me but I just want to say a massive THANK YOU to you!

[Martin Reed]

Thank you for sharing your gratitude, Etty — it means a lot!

You are drawing on your superpowers of resilience and determination and your problem-solving abilities are keeping you moving forward. You are exploring new approaches and, most importantly, taking them.

You are making change happen because you are making changes. And, you are learning from what you are doing. You are moving forward thanks to your own efforts. I wish you all the best as you continue on your journey toward insomnia freedom!

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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