[Chee2308]

Fear is common but this kind of fear is often conditioned. You have been “taught” to feel fear in this way from things you read, hear or see. But these info can often be wrong like fake news. When you were a child did you fear not sleeping? No. Because you have ZERO idea what sleep should be like, eg, it should 8 hours, continuous, deep sleep etc etc. When you were young, did you care what kind of sleep you got or how much?? No. Be that child again. Forget what you know now and just let everything go.

Let me ask you some questions:
1. Can your nose forget how to breathe?
2. Can your mouth forget how to eat?
3. Can your legs forget how to walk?
4. Can your fingers forget how to touch?
5. Can the sun forget how to shine?
6. Can the sky forget how to rain?
And so on and on…

If you manage to answer yes to any of the above questions, then yes, you should worry about forgetting how to sleep and live a life of misery from now on.

Let consider another example,
If there’s a thunderstorm outside with heavy rain and strong winds, what do you do? Beat your chest, clench your fists and shout out to the sky, “WHY?”, “WHY ME?”, “WHY NOW?”. Does responding in this way help you at all? Or why wouldn’t it better to just accept it and move on instead, knowing that ALL thunderstorms will eventually pass and the sun will shine again? Sleep is just like that. Don’t complain about it. Take it as it is.

Sleep works exactly like hunger. The more you are deprived of it, the more likely you will get more of it. That’s just logic. Will your body refuse to eat if it has been starved for days, in the same way will your body refuse to sleep in a comfy bed, if it has been starved of it for days?? Of course not. Then just let it be, there’s nothing much you can do about it either. And worrying actually makes it WORSE, not better.

[Anni]

And how do I accept when I feel so badly hyperaused? I wonder HOW do you do that? I lay in bed and sweating heart race shakking

[Chee2308]

It happens over time. It won’t go away immediately, of course. No insomniac is gonna wake up one day and discover the insomnia and fear is all gone, all by themselves. But it can happen slowly. Learn to let go bit by bit. Having the knowledge already puts you miles ahead. The next step is putting a game plan into practice.

My suggested game plan for you is like this:
1. Fix a bed time schedule of at least 6 hours. Get out of bed at the same time no matter how you slept. If you find you can’t sleep during the allocated bed time, always do what you did before your insomnia. Did you get out of bed when you couldn’t sleep before your insomnia? If you didn’t, then just stay in bed and try to get comfortable.
2. Spend the first one or two hours after waking up just letting your emotions flow. Fear, anxiety or whatever. Nothing is prohibited, allocate this time to allow you to feel whatever you want. You may also write your feelings down if you want. But this is the only time during the day you allow your emotions to vent. After this, get on with your day. Do your chores or whatever. Whenever sleep thoughts or fear creep in, acknowledge them gently but remind yourself that the time to feel any fear or sleep related thoughts is already gone so you will now focus on your day’s tasks instead and then get on with it.
3. Do not research sleep or try to fix it. There is nothing to fix. Get off forums like this. Try not to talk to anyone or think about sleep at other times, the only time you can do that is that one or two hours that you have set aside earlier. The rest of the time is for something else.

Try this for a few weeks and see how it goes. Your fear will eventually go down over time and your sleep should improve. Good luck and best wishes to you.

[Bronte]

Well done Chee2308 this is excellent advice!!
Good luck Anni.

[Anni]

Thank you. I will try it. Its so hard Because search help. Now it feels i dont get help when i stay away from this forum… and have to live with this big fear

[Chee2308]

Dear Anni

Yes it sounds hard now but it does get easier as times goes on.

Allow yourself to feel the fear. Do not seek to escape anymore. Only then will you get used to it. Any fear, no matter how large, becomes less the more you get exposed to it.

In the end, you will realize it’s all just your own set of thoughts. All you’ve been afraid of, essentially, is just your own thoughts. Literally fear mongering yourself. That is one part of the recovery but the most important. The other part is the sleep itself, which is effortless. It requires nothing from you and needs no effort. Good luck!

[Anni]

and how do I deal with sleeping so little and often not at all? The pressure of having to sleep so that I feel ok and there are no consequences?

[Chee2308]

Any lack of sleep will be recovered eventually. You will always get it back plus more!

Because any one night is not the only night you’ll sleep. You will sleep again next night, the night after and so on for decades. So plenty of opportunities for sleep down the road ahead.

When you eventually recover, you will never get enough! Eight, nine, ten hours and still feel you could sleep more. Because you feel so relaxed and don’t pressure yourself, that’s when the sleep keeps coming.

Also, I will stop responding to you, because I think I have said enough. Saying more won’t help any further. The rest is up to you. Good luck!

[Anni]

Thank you very mutch

[Author]

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