[BelindaJK101]

Hi all
I am going well with sleep following some of the mind reprogramming and acceptance techniques when I’m sleeping by myself.

However, my sleep with my partner in the bed is patchy. He snores only occasionally, but ‘puffs’ and twitches, or sometimes is restless, which I start to get really frustrated with and end up moving to the spare bed. When I don’t have insomnia, this doesn’t usually bother me as much (although sometimes it does).

From this program I’ve realised that I probably am in stage 1 sleep often, then get woken by his movements/noises.

Has anyone else struggled with this? What’s the approach you’ve taken?

[donaldcoomer28]

Sleeping with a partner who snores or moves frequently can be quite disruptive. One thing I’ve found useful is openly discussing how my partner’s motions effect my sleep. Sometimes people are unaware that they are doing it, but gently bringing it up can make a significant impact.

I have also tried wearing earplugs or white noise devices to block out the noise. It’s not ideal, but it helps to take the edge off.

And, if all else fails, having a backup bed or mattress in another room can be a game changer on those particularly difficult nights.

Just know that you are not alone and that there are solutions available. Continue to be patient!..

[Martin Reed]

Hello BelindaJK101 and welcome to the forum! The problem you shared is quite common!

When a bed partner puffs and twitches and tosses and turns it can be disruptive to our sleep, that’s for sure! I suspect there are a couple of approaches to take here:

1. Sleep separately in order to avoid this sleep disruption — but ask yourself first whether that’s an action that is aligned with the life you want to live (some people don’t care whether or not they share a bed with their partner and others feel it’s very important).

2. See if you might practice being more of a curious observer of whatever your partner is doing during the night. Sometimes, the “trigger” of the movements isn’t the real problem — it’s how we respond after the trigger. Most of us will respond by being angry/mad/frustrated, perhaps hear mental stories like “here we go again” or “tonight’s going to be impossible now” and then we start going to war with our thoughts and feelings AND the presence of our partner’s movements!

An alternative might be to imagine you are a curious scientist. See what you notice about those movements. Be more of a kind, independent, and interested observer rather than an opponent. Easier said than done, of course — but with practice that approach might help reduce the level of struggle your partner’s movements cause.

I hope there might be something useful here.

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