Stop Struggling to Stop the Struggling

Michael61 · 2025-01-25T19:16:22-07:00

Like many of you, I’ve struggled with insomnia and tried various techniques to retrain my brain for better sleep. One common recommendation in CBTi (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia) is to get out of bed if you can’t sleep and engage in something relaxing until you feel sleepy again. The idea is to break from the struggle for sleep and the negative association between the bed and this struggle. But for me, this strategy felt like I was just taking the struggle with me. Sitting in the kitchen or trying to color felt like an exhausting effort when all I wanted was to sleep. Even when I tried relaxing activities, my mind would repeat the same mantra: "I just want to go back to bed and sleep." The struggle wasn't tied to my location or what I was doing; it was happening in my mind. One night, I asked myself: “Does what I’m doing feel like struggling?” The answer was yes. Then I asked: “What do I really want to do that won’t feel like struggling?” The answer was surprisingly simple: “I don’t want to do anything at all. I just want to stop trying.” That realization led me to a new approach. Instead of forcing myself to find the "perfect relaxing activity," I went back to bed and made doing nothing my goal. I didn’t try the AWAKE exercise, I didn't to meditate, relax, or even sleep. I just lay there with my eyes closed and let go of any effort to do anything at all. I wasn’t trying to achieve anything—not rest, not relaxation, not sleep. I simply allowed myself to exist in that moment without trying to do anything. I fell to sleep. I only slept for about 3 hours. The next day I felt tired. After walking my dog, I went to bed (not what you are supposed to do) but my goal was to stop trying to do anything, a very easy goal to achieve. I felt refreshed afterward. Even if I didn’t fall asleep, I didn’t feel the same sense of struggle or exhaustion. My brain and body seemed to do their own thing while I did nothing, and that was enough. Why This Works (at Least for Me) It removes the pressure to sleep. When you stop striving for sleep, you break the cycle of frustration that can keep you awake. It’s genuinely restful. Doing nothing lets your body and mind rest without the effort of "trying" to relax. It’s sustainable. This approach doesn’t require tools, techniques, or activities—it’s simply about embracing stillness. How You Can Try This Check in with yourself. Ask, “Does what I’m doing feel like struggling?” If the answer is yes, consider stopping. Let go of expectations. Go back to bed, close your eyes, and give yourself permission to do absolutely nothing. Don’t aim for sleep, relaxation, or anything else. Reframe your goal. Instead of trying to sleep, focus on not struggling. Success is simply in allowing yourself to rest without effort. I hope this strategy resonates with some of you. It might not work for everyone, but it’s helped me break free from the mental tug-of-war that insomnia can create. Sometimes, the best way to win the struggle is to stop struggling altogether. If you try this, I’d love to hear how it works for you—or if you’ve found your own unique strategies to deal with insomnia, feel free to share!

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This topic has 16 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 2 months, 4 weeks ago by SpeedOfLight.

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April 27, 2025 at 10:01 am #87563
SandyL
✘ Not a client
I really agree with everything everyone has said. Stop the struggle. The way I fall asleep is to let my mind completely wander. The more I try things to sleep the less likely I can fall asleep. Trying techniques and medicine and fighting the negative feelings keep me awake. I know I will have negative thoughts and feeling but just not try and reject them or fight them but just observe them and think they are OK too. If my mind gets hooked on the thoughts then my natural drifting stops and it become hard to fall asleep. Stop the struggle. Sleep is as natural and easy as breathing.
September 6, 2025 at 4:34 pm #94209
SpeedOfLight
✘ Not a client
I’m glad this approach has worked for many of you. But it does not work for everyone, because it is based off two assumptions that are false in many cases (including mine).

1. That fear of not getting enough sleep is the one and only cause of insomnia.
2. That people can choose by their own free will to simply let go of any effort to do anything.

I think that, if curing insomnia were as simple as “just don’t worry about it, bro”, forums like this would have a lot fewer people, and CBT-i would not be considered the golden standard for insomnia. CBT-i is good because you are training your brain to recognize that bedtime is time for sleep and nothing else. It also makes your sleep system stronger and less sensitive to stress.

If you can choose by your own free will with no outside intervention to just stop worrying and putting in any effort, great. But do understand this does not work for everyone (I myself tried to simply not worry about it before doing CBT-i).
- This reply was modified 2 months, 4 weeks ago by SpeedOfLight.
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