[Glynis]

Do any of my fellow insomniacs have this problem – a spouse/partner who has never had sleeping problems giving you advice on how to or not to react when you’ve had a bad night’s sleep; after you’ve told him that you’re trying CBT-I and explained what you have to do. I am feeling so irritated this morning. I woke up last night after being asleep for an hour and my husband was snoring and moving around in the bed, so I got up and left the room as we have been told to do. Had to do it again and then was able to go sleep again after being awake for two hours. During that time, either leaving the room or going back into the room, I woke my husband (he was able to go right back to sleep). When he got up this morning he passed a comment about me getting up and I explained why and immediately he starts telling me how I must react when I wake up and he’s snoring/moving. Then he gets upset because I tell him not to try and give me advice when he hasn’t experienced insomnia. I hope this is not too personal, but I don’t have anyone else to vent to.

[chronsombch]

Hello Glynis! I read your post and was truly hopeful to learn that someone else is experiencing what I call “spousal unsupport”. I don’t mean that in a derogatory way-my husband loves me with all his heart & soul but he is CONSTANTLY giving me advise on how to sleep & how I should stop “being so negative”. Plus, this wonderful man snores like a chainsaw in need of a greasing. I would rather feel like he is really listening to me and stop trying to give advice. He is one of those blessed people that can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I go 3-4 nights a week without sleep & at 53, my health is suffering, to say the least. I realize in my country/state it is 5:03am, but I truly hope you are sleeping soundly right now.

[Glynis]

Hi chronsombch,
So nice to know I’m not alone

[gsdmom]

Hi Glynis and chronsombch!

If you were to read through some of my posts in the ACT part of this forum, you’d realize that I too have a very unsupportive spouse. Last spring when insomnia very extreme and I felt like I would die, I would get negative comments about my mental health, make comments about everything I ate or drank, and he had no problems about making lots of noise around the house while I was trying to fall asleep between the hours of 10pm-1am. Often I was just on the verge of sleep, but couldn’t with all the activity going on in my house.

I actually tried speaking with a therapist and she said I don’t need therapy for me, but certainly questioned why my husband’s behavior. So if I continued therapy it just would have been how to cope with him, rather than fix anything about me. I did see a sleep doctor 2 or 3 times. He is also my husband’s doc. Anyway, this doctor was so compassionate and encouraging, I told him all about my home situation. Just those couple times sitting with these professional people and joining this forum, really helped so much. And also due to spousal snoring or CPap noise, I started using earplugs, it does help but sometimes I end up hearing my own sounds like breathing or heartbeat too much.

[Martin Reed]

It’s a shame to read about unsupportive spouses — I think this is a big challenge for people with chronic insomnia and is something that is rarely acknowledged. At the very least, everyone has an outlet here in the forum to vent their frustrations and get support from others who know exactly what you’re going through!

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