What is love?

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by Kik 9 years, 3 months ago.

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  • #8238

    IvanAleisterMesniaa
    ✘ Not a client

    I just finished this.

    Before I start with the topics I wish to speak about I've been thinking of I want to give you all something to look at, some of you know what I mean others may not. It is how we are taught in a linear fashion.

    I'm no Scientist nor a Philosopher, I'm just a simple man, I'm not a genius, I don't even consider myself all that smart. The norm of today is that we as people go to school and if you are successful in that you move onto university/college.

    That was never something I was good at, school bored me, the concept was something I could not grasp and understand. IQ's, grades, ability to score high in academics mean nothing.

    I firmly believe a person is more than that.

    I could sit in a classroom and listen to a teacher talk about science, or about Shakespeare, math, and it would be useless to me, that is not how I learn.

    We are so focused on the way we teach now it is a horror, not all kids can sit and listen to a teacher talk or explain, if you are like me, you analyze, read, watch videos, you look at it simplistically understand it then go back to the hard way and have an all new understanding to it.

    I will give an example, the best teaching I've ever seen was by my grade eight Math and Science teacher Mr.Merlin.

    We were learning how antibodies fight infections, he explained it from the science book, then he drew a photo, then he took cubes and explained it by showing us that the antibodies will make a copy of the virus but a copy that is like male and female.

    It would fit together and isolate the virus, and ultimately killing it. That is what I find magical, we need more teachers like that, he showed us in three different ways what he was talking about.

    Not everyone can pick a book up and learn, but everyone can learn.

    It is our duty to give the up-coming generation the ability of knowledge in many more ways than one, we need to stop this linear learning we have programmed into our culture to be the only way of learning and I shall now move onto what I've been wanting to talk about.

    What makes us love? Why do we love? What is empathy, and why do we have and need it, how are bonds formed and what are they really? All these and more.

    I shall start off with love.

    What is love?

    Love is a wide range of different emotions related to a strong sense of attraction. To be able to love what must one do, what are the benefits of love, and why do we love.

    To love another person is not an easy question to answer, to me to love another human being is to leave yourself completely open to the other person, to care for them to the point where you would do anything for that person, even endure pain, countless amounts of pain in all ways until you know theirs is gone.

    If we look at today's culture, today's kids, love is something so easy now to say, “Bobby I know I've only been dating you for three days but I am in love with you” “Oh Barbra lets have sex” it is such a disgusting thing to witness, children of today say it like it is nothing, it losses it's value and true meaning because people needlessly say it, the youth of today know nothing of love, I know nothing of love compared to my grandparents, reecently my grandfather passed away, they were together 61 years, that's love.

    Love isn't something so fruitless that you can just say you are in love after a few days, love at first sight is impossible, I believe one needs to grow together with a person emotionaly or physically or both.

    I believe you can love a person and never see them in person, a pure emotional attachment, Ive had these, I am having one right now.

    I believe love to work like this.

    Stage 1: Puppy love, you're a little cute couple, been dating a few months, everything is so cute and fun. Or you know a person you have feelings for due to some spark.

    Stage 2: Love, you been together a few years and have conquered hardships and it has strengthened your relationship. Or you've known a person and have talked to them to a point where the simple act of them

    saying hi to you makes your entire day better, like all the worlds problems, you don't need them to be perfect, to look perfect, you just need them, your life is incomplete without them.

    Stage 3: True love, when you sit beside a bed in a hospital by your significant other all night and day because the terms visiting hours don't apply to you, where nothing can keep you apart.

    What makes us love? Is it a ways to feel like life matters, that we are not such cold beings, that we bring more than pain and misery, are made up of more than selfishness and lust.

    Do we love as a means to not be alone, people fear loneliness, and the unknown, we need a God so we have a reason in our lives and an answer to how we got here, do we always need some answer to fill our voids.

    Why do we love?

    Do we need love to fill the same kind of void, we are fearful of loneliness and solitude.Do we love to escape our own lives, to just for a short amount of time feel like we are at peace, that the world isn't such a bad place, and for this short amount of time it's breathtaking. Do we love to feel happy, to connect with other people, so we can maybe one day be married or have a long lasting relationship and people see you as happy, do we do this to show that we are capable of love, that we are good people, or do we do this because we want peopel to never know how frail we are, is it all a game?

    I believe we love because it brings us happiness, the joy, if you have never experienced love it is a beautiful thing that just cannot be explained by words. I cannot explain in words what I feel for her, it wouldn't ever explain what I feel, it just isn't enough. You will feel it, and the person will feel it from you.

    What is empathy? Empathy, which literally translates as in feeling, is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings. But if we look at ourselves as a species how do we view ourselves as a whole? We view each other as an empathetic species, a people who understand each others pain and suffering, we believe each other to be so empathetic, but I don't agree.

    I do not agree that we as a species are all empathetic. Of course there are some who just can not feel empathy. Some of us get by day to day, taking the easiest route we can(not all but most). When we hear on the news someone has died, a child has gone missing do we really care? How do we know what to classify empathy as is it a question liek this “How can we share those emotions and feelings of those parents if your child has never gone missing?”Do we put a facade up? Do we really care or do we not really understand what they're going through, but we do think it to be awful when a kid dies, goes missing, or a tragedy happens so deep down we feel something?

    Why do we have empathy and do we need it? I believe we have empathy so we can connect with other people to share their pain and help them when they are in need, I do believe we need empathy.

    Psychopathy is a personality disorder whose hallmark is a lack of empathy. Researcher Robert Hare, whose Hare Psychopathy Checklist is widely used, describes psychopaths as “intraspecies predators” who use charisma, manipulation, intimidation, sexual intercourse and violence to control others and to satisfy their own needs. Lacking in conscience and empathy, they take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without guilt or remorse. What is missing, in other words, are the very qualities that allow a human being to live in social harmony.

    I've struggled with empathy for a while, I thought I was a psychopath for a fair bit in my life, because I could not care about anyone or comprehend anything they go through, but I never manipulated people or anything else that a psychopath does.

    I just didn't understand people and why they ever did anything, I got told I had Schizoid personality disorder by a psychiatrist, so I guess there you have it.

    People look at Psychopaths like they are criminals, people look at them liek they are the lowest of low, like they would kill you, or like you are mentally insane. It is this type of thinking that is harmful to the human species.

    We as a species need to stop this type of thinking so we are able to move forward as a people.

    Yes psychopaths do some terrible things to people due to no empathy or conscience(I don't believe in consciences) but that does not make them killers, nor does it make them lunatics who need to be locked away in rubber rooms

    Sleep is a naturally recurring state of relatively suspended sensory and motor activity, characterized by total or partial unconsciousness and the inactivity of nearly all voluntary muscles.

    We all sleep, at some point or another people sleep, I remember my freind Douglas telling me he wishes he had insomnia and when I think about it now, I know if he had it he would go mad, it isn't something you want or need.

    Sleep is such a thing that it will always be the best part of the day or days or weeks, sleep is something we all need, something without you can be driven mad.

    It is 4:55 Am and when I sleep I sleep for hours on end, but when I awake I'm dead tired worse than the nigth before, so I limit my sleep because eevrytime I sleep no matter how many hours I awake feelings like miserable and drained of energy.

    I prefer not sleeping at all than this.

    Before I talk about bonds I want to say, I probably will end up ranting about the bond with one person I have, if you don't like it go away. It's something that I hold dear to my heart.

    What is a bond? A bond is an attachment, it's like a string between people, this string forms a web and this web can be have an infinite number of strings, a web filled with strings and atatched to all these are people.

    I was never one to make friends never one to care about anyone, I just wanted to be alone because it was the easy way out, never get close to people, never love, never have compassion. I struggle everyday to try and like people.

    I believe bonds are formed when people conenct at a level higer than friendship and I will give an example. I don't remember the exact date, or the exact amount of months, but I would say about a year ago I met Jessica online, we talked and I learned about her Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome. CRPS is a chronic progressive disease characterized by severe pain, swelling and changes in the skin. The International Association for the Study of Pain has divided CRPS into two types based on the presence of nerve lesion following the injury.

    * Type I, formerly known as reflex sympathetic dystrophy (RSD), Sudeck's atrophy, reflex neurovascular dystrophy (RND) or algoneurodystrophy, does not have demonstrable nerve lesions.

    * Type II, formerly known as causalgia, has evidence of obvious nerve damage.

    The cause of this syndrome is currently unknown. Precipitating factors include injury and surgery, although there are documented cases that have no demonstrable injury to the original site.

    I knew a bit about this from wikipedia ^^ and medical books and my various reading on the internet, and ever since her and I met, I learned about that and she learned about my leg, I have no answer, nothing for why my leg gets sore as much as it does, why it gets so bad my eyesight is blurry and I'm on the verge of passing out.

    Jessica and I formed a bond out of pain our understanding of each other, I was always there for her, and her me. I dated a girl named Courtney, I never really cared for her one bit, I made myself believe I did, day in and day out I talked myself into caring for her, think what you will of me, but I'm miserable and I wanted some small glimmer of happiness, I've told peopel she was the one, I wanted people to look at me and say he's happy finally, and in the end I think I really did end up caring for her a fair amount, it's why it hurt when she did what she did

    All that time I didn't care for her, and she didn't for me I found out later from her, all that time I cared for one person; Jessica. She understood what I was going through, and I understood what she was going through. We would talk, laugh, hell we even made jokes about our pain. This is what a bond is, when you connect on a level higher than friendship, above everything else.

    I didn't fall in love with Jessica after a few weeks or months, not until a few weeks ago did I realize I am in love with her, my mother was the one who picked on me for it. She was behind me waiting on my sister to message me via msn, and as soon as Jessica messaged me my mom said to me after a few seconds “She just makes your heart melt doesn't she? The look on your face, I've never seen that look on your face ever, not with Samantha, or Courtney, it's weird but I think you love her more than any other girl you've been with”.

    It is true, when she signs into msn, messages me on facebook my heart does melt, it weeps because it's never felt so happy, and when I lay in bed at night I hope that her pain goes away even if for just a second, because she deserves it, if you've seen the photo I've seen of her in pain you would understand what we go through, and because of that and how much more she means to me I would take all the pain from her if I could.

    These bonds we have with people are important, sacred, if I never met Jessica I don't think I would be the person I am now. So what are bonds? They are simply a connection between two people so strong and sacred that you would do anything to keep it alive.

    I made a promise on our bond and love and I mean every word of it. “Until you are pain free, I won't be. Everything you endure I will endure, in this darkness I will be your light, you aren't alone, you never will be. I won't allow it. I love you Jessica”

    I'm corny right?

    To end this I've always wanted to give my opinion on this, when you die and your life flashes before your eyes, I hope that doesn't happen, to relive everything I have been through would be like walking through hell all over again. I believ what happens when we die is chemicals react and we remember all the good times in our life, and the people we spent it with, I don't want to die, but death is inascapable and when I die, I hope what flahses before my eyes is all the times I've spent with Douglas, Redmond, the times with Anthony, Tyler and Sean, Mitchell and Steve and Nina, when I die I want to leave a legacy for my loved ones, something that will make them remember me always, to live on in their memories.

    If able to I will be leaving behind a game for all of them to play something I have set up, one last memory to have with me in mind. I don't want to die, but when I do, I hope I've raised a kid of my own, or at least given guidance to one in need.

    I'm miserable. I've just lost a friend because he didn't liek the fact I didn't want to get high, and I just lost another friend to drugs this one died. I didn't know them in and out we knew each other for about two years.

    I hate suicide. People are cowards.

    If you have sitten and read all of this I have one final message for you. (Scroll down)

    You're sexy.

    #10516

    LindsayK
    ✘ Not a client

    It's so interesting to see another person's thought process, Franky. I've often wondered the same things when I have time to ponder them. What is love? Overwhelming emotions that sit just under the surface for me. Why do I think I love my husband? Well, he's my safety, the one thing I can always count on to be there no matter what. In fact, as I was writing this he sent me a message and it made me smile. That's why I love him. 🙂

    P.S. I know. 😉

    #10517

    Martin Reed
    ★ Admin

    Well thanks for calling me sexy!!

    You covered a lot of different topics in that post – I think you could have easily broken them up into entire new conversation threads to make it easier for people to contribute to and discuss.

    That being said, here are my thoughts.

    'IvanAleisterMesniaa' wrote on '02:

    Love isn't something so fruitless that you can just say you are in love after a few days, love at first sight is impossible, I believe one needs to grow together with a person emotionaly or physically or both.

    I agree. Although I think there most definitely is a thing called 'lust at first sight' and it's easy for us to mistake lust for love. Particularly when we're young, but this can affect everyone regardless of their age.

    'IvanAleisterMesniaa' wrote on '02:

    Why do we have empathy and do we need it? I believe we have empathy so we can connect with other people to share their pain and help them when they are in need, I do believe we need empathy.

    I don't have anything to add to this. I agree with you 100%.

    'IvanAleisterMesniaa' wrote on '02:

    People look at Psychopaths like they are criminals, people look at them liek they are the lowest of low, like they would kill you, or like you are mentally insane. It is this type of thinking that is harmful to the human species.

    Why do you think this is? Is it due to the negative portrayal of psychopaths in modern society (books, TV, movies) – or is it something else?

    'IvanAleisterMesniaa' wrote on '02:

    I dated a girl named Courtney, I never really cared for her one bit, I made myself believe I did, day in and day out I talked myself into caring for her, think what you will of me, but I'm miserable and I wanted some small glimmer of happiness, I've told peopel she was the one, I wanted people to look at me and say he's happy finally, and in the end I think I really did end up caring for her a fair amount, it's why it hurt when she did what she did

    I think a lot of relationships are built on people being in love with the idea of being in love, rather than true love itself. I think people talking themselves into loving someone happens remarkably often. Perhaps the majority of the time, even.

    'IvanAleisterMesniaa' wrote on '02:

    To end this I've always wanted to give my opinion on this, when you die and your life flashes before your eyes, I hope that doesn't happen, to relive everything I have been through would be like walking through hell all over again.

    That's a new perspective – and I had never thought about that. What if people don't want to see their life flash before their eyes? I think this only happens if you want it to; we must have some amount of control over the last few moments of conscious thought we have.

    'IvanAleisterMesniaa' wrote on '02:

    I hate suicide. People are cowards.

    I wouldn't label people who kill themselves as cowards. Some people truly feel as though they have no hope. Perhaps we like to call them cowards as the thought of suicide terrifies us and calling these people derogatory names acts as a coping mechanism.

    #10518

    yamerias
    ✘ Not a client

    It's odd how people consider that people who commit suicide were cowards because they didn't face the situation that was getting to them.

    I attempted to commit suicide several years ago. My father was abusing me and I didn't know what else to do, I was scared if I told mom she would get hurt too, and thought that if I told anyone in authority they would think I was making it up..after all how often to you hear about a boy being abused by their father?

    I honestly thought that if I took all my anticonvulsants, it would kill me, and I'd be taken out of the equation, and perhaps that would make my father happy…maybe if I was dead then he would be a nice person, perhaps I didn't deserve to live.

    As you can tell, it was not to be, the overdose made me look like I was very drunk (could not walk straight for several days!) but that was it. A couple of years later I got it arranged that I moved away from home and trained as a chef…but I digress.

    I could see all the upset that would have occurred if I had been successful, and believe it or not that thought was more painful than any abuse could have been, but it felt like it was what I had to do to make things right.

    #10519

    IvanAleisterMesniaa
    ✘ Not a client

    I call a few people cowards, only two people, they both killed themselves I should of explained more, both of them told me if I ever kill myself call me a coward and remember all the good times.

    #10520

    IvanAleisterMesniaa
    ✘ Not a client

    And yes Martin I could of broken each one up and made it isn't own thing but I was trying to do this quick because Douglas my best friend wanted to read it. I remember I wrote something like this except 120kb the one I just posted was 15.7 kb.

    I do believe that the way psysopaths are portrayed in books, movies and everything else that it gives them a bad name.

    #10521

    littlespy
    ✘ Not a client

    I think that despite our best efforts there's still a lot of misunderstanding about mental health in general and in the reality of particular conditions and how they can affect someone.

    Incidentally suicide is a fascinating issue. An interesting book, Let Me Go, collects together suicide notes and then goes on to explain what happened to the people who wrote them. It's an amazing insight and also I think that to dismiss it as cowardly is perhaps somewhat reductive.

    #10522

    IvanAleisterMesniaa
    ✘ Not a client

    I agree ruth.

    Before anyone else says anything, it was an ongoing thing between me and my friend, we called each other cowards all the time for a joke, like when I would trip and fall he'd say “You coward! Don't bow to gravity, sheeh!”

    I know not everyone can deal with problems, but suicide is never the answer, I won't lie I have thought of it myself but If I ever did it I would be a coward, taking the easy way out.

    I don't think I could ever call someone a coward for killing themselves, except my two friends but it's just an inside joke between actually all of my friend and I.

    #10523

    emmaree
    ✘ Not a client

    Love is allowing people the freedom to be themselves , embracing the differences and celebrating the similarities….

    #10524

    Hedwig
    ✘ Not a client

    To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.” – Woody Allen

    No…..I am not in love, well not in that sense, I love my family and friends lots, but no I have not yet met that special one (again)…however, this has led me to examine the question…yes the one posed…and so I have decided to impart a little of my wisdom…..

    What is True Love?

    Is it 'the real thing', temporary insanity, or a cruel myth? Lets take a look at true love…… aaaaahhhh……

    Does it really exist?

    LOVE is not a feeling…. Love is an action…… Love is a choice.

    True Love is the action to choose unconditionally in the process of offering to another human being the qualities of:

    Affection, Care, Concern, Respect, Thoughtfulness, Forgiveness, Compassion, Trust, Joy and many other positive emotional expressions of value and worth toward ANY living being as being loveable and valuable.

    Removing life support for a dying loved one……

    In every example, Love is an action through choice…..

    When you see each other and have a smile on your face, when your loved one makes a mistake and you can’t get angry on him/her even when you try hard. When you think of spending every possible time with your loved one.

    Yes this is true love……….

    “True love” can and will differ from person to person based on emotional maturity. To know true love you not only must love in such a way that you would give your own life at the drop of a hat to save him/her, but you must be loved in return.

    “We always believe that our first Love is our last, and our last Love is our first.”

    If you get married to someone, and fifteen years later, you can still look them in the eye and feel the same you did on your first date, then it’s true love. Like I said in the quote above; a good way to know true love is to base it on how you feel for the last person you loved romantically in your life.

    I can recall when I had this love and how I used to get choked up telling her how much I cared about her……

    * the pain I felt every time she hurt.

    * every couple I saw reminded me of her.

    * everything I wanted to do I wanted to do with her.

    * if I had a craving for something I craved it with with her.

    * it still excited me when she called.

    * telling each other we loved each other meant more each time.

    * I knew that I loved her more on that day than I did the day before.

    * her beauty in my eyes never faded.

    * we could disagree and compromise with each other.

    True love is very hard to find and extremely painful to lose, can be the best thing that happens to you or the worst, can drive you crazy or keep you sane, can destroy lives or save them, can stop wars or start them, can clarify or confuse, pushes and pulls people away, obvious and subliminal, is impossible to define

    * When one is aware of shortcomings of the partner and yet accepts.

    * When the ego does not come in between in differences and one would rather clear the air, or apologise and patch up, than break-up.

    * When one ‘desires’ the partner inspite of not ‘needing’ or ‘wanting’ the other.

    * When you ‘chose’ to be with him/ her inspite of other options – not because there are no options !

    * When you give each other space and respect individuality.

    * When you enjoy togetherness – talking or even silence – and tender touching.

    * When you cant even think of hurting or insult the partners feeling.

    That's true love……. Maybe too idealistic ? !!

    And it may or may not mean that it is reciprocated. It could be unrequited for all you know. But yet the memories bring a spring to the step and a smile on your face. You never wish him/ her ill and would never harm in any way.

    These are just a few points which come to my mind but there is so much more n more n more.

    Like true love the topic is also ‘endless’…..

    I sincerely hope that before my life ends that I can once again experience this most magical of feelings and that all my friends and family be blessed with the experience of feeling it too….xx

    🙂 🙂 🙂

    #10525

    Kik
    ✘ Not a client
    'Hedwig' wrote on '28:

    LOVE is not a feeling…. Love is an action…… Love is a choice.

    Nuh uh. Love is never a choice. Love blindsides you and smacks you across the face so hard you see stars. Then you're in it's trap – no control and no release.

    Acting on that love is the choice.

    I have known families wrecked by people acting on their love. Grandparents who will never meet their grandchildren because they can't get over who their child has chosen for a spouse. If love was a choice, this couple would never have chosen to fall for each other. Heck, if love was a choice, I would never have chosen to fall in love at all before now.

    'Hedwig' wrote on '28:

    “We always believe that our first Love is our last, and our last Love is our first.”

    Never have I read a truer sentence 🙂

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