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I have to say that acceptance and befriending isn’t always easy for me either, despite these periodic “victories” such as the one I described in the original post. One thing that I added to this recently is the query – what is so bad about accepting? What is the worst that can happen? Is it likely to be worse than what I’ve already gone through?
And I found that no, it can’t be worse!
With all of these tools for healing ourselves, different tools will support us through different phases of our journey. Celebrate the wins, no matter how tiny!I have found dropping anchor to be extremely effective. I don’t know if Martin uses the same approach as ACT, but that’s what I’ve used to great effect. To see how it works, look for The Happiness Trap – there are free resources that go with the book, and one of them is a group of recordings on dropping anchor.
These stories, especially the “steps” from turtlestamp are super helpful!! I too have shifted more to ACT than CBTi. The latter ultimately triggers my anxiety. I’d love to hear more, turtlestamp! I am familiar (A LOT!) with the youtube channels. But Befriending wakefulness seems impossible for me right now. I am REALLY struggling with acceptance. Maybe that will come…and I guess it has once in a while. I can listen, read, watch, etc., but always in the back of my mind or coming frequently is the worry, the self monitoring, the desperation to be asleep again.
Good question Chee! I have found it helpful in other realms of life to have someone to lend mutual encouragement, things that have worked for me, share victories, and even vent sometimes. I know you’ve posted frequently here about your success, but accepting being awake at night isn’t coming easily to me!
I love this series! Thank you all who post success stories like these, especially the updates and the challenges and the little victories along the way! I am in the “rocky” stage of some good nights and some bad nights, but I am mostly relaxed about it and accepting the anxiety when it does come. Seeing this story helped me today!
That’s fine, Chee2308, but nothing related to sleep is like before the insomnia started! The sleep window, the getting up from bed, the avoidance of naps…All are new. I don’t know how else to cope with being awake than to do these things like read or listen to audiobooks, which I only did during the day time before. Just lying in bed is a recipe for anxiety!!
I meant to send you a thank you message, Martin.
I am sometimes successful in just resting, but sometimes it’s hard to do with the anxiety mind circles!
I am thinking of it all as baby steps and of course it’s not a linear progression from difficulty to ease.I have a similar thing. It’s a total roller coaster for me during the night. I will calm down via breathing or a body scan, or sometimes getting up to read. Then I will suddenly think “oh shit” or “I can’t do this” or “I feel horrible, I can’t do this anymore” and the anxiety is back and my body and mind are on alert again. I really feel on the edge of madness sometimes. Sometimes I am able to calm down again, but sometimes not. And often, I calm down but then the anxiety rears its head again. It is just more challenging than I can explain to accept anxiety when I am exhausted, not thinking clearly, and have headaches. And yes, I do get out of bed when this happens.
That seems like solid advice for breaking me out of the anxiety <> insomnia cycle I am in. I need to care less! Last night was my worst night in a while and I feel pretty horrible. But I had a pretty normal day.
I am going to stop with the tracking apps as of tonight!!One other thing I am doing is not letting myself look at videos, blogs, etc. related to sleep or insomnia after 8am, except another 15 minutes in the afternoon to reset the positive vibes. But I have to stop “studying” the “problem.” Sleep is not a problem, it just comes when the sleep drive is high and the bed associations are positive and relaxing. I heard Martin talking about this with a guest on his podcast and it seemed like a great idea to limit the exposure to information (that I already probably mostly know, since I’ve been at this for 4+ months now!!).
Thank you so much!
Sorry for your challenges! Have you taken Martin’s free email course? If not, that helped me as a good first step.
I also have mixed results with exercise sometimes, but if I don’t have strenuous exercise within 3 hours of bedtime, that’s better.
Keep trying to live your normal life during the day and don’t make decisions based on how well you sleep the night before.good luck!
Likewise, it is good to know I’m not alone! I love this forum for that.
And I have the same experience of being very sleepy before bed, nodding off, etc. Last night and some other times I actually stood up while reading because i was so sleepy!
I love that reminder about not seeing ourselves as “suffering!” I don’t think that is odd at all. I have stopped talking about it with my friends, and have asked a few folks, including my husband, to stop asking me how I sleep. I know they do it because they care, but I just say it helps me more to ignore it unless I really need to vent.Hi Steve,
Yes, sticking to the schedule should make the biggest difference. And it might seem worse before it seems better at first. When I tried it, the very first night was great, then I had a string of bad to horrible nights, but I just had to trust the process. I even ended up napping a couple times because of sub-4 hour nights and just not “feeling” like I could function.
Then I made the decision to, as Martin suggests, live my life as if I don’t have insomnia. After a few more weeks of trying to live normally during the day, not napping, sticking to my sleep window, getting out of bed when I got “annoyed” with it, and “thanking” the sleep thoughts but then putting them aside (even if they seemed constant!!), I FINALLY saw some results, but it was a real roller coaster even then. It still is, a month later, but for the past week or so it has been more ups than downs.
Good luck!I can relate! 5:30 is about the minimum time you want to give yourself to sleep, so try not to restrict that even shorter.
A couple of questions: have you been restricting your sleep for very long? Painful as it is, it was several weeks for me before I saw much change in my sleep patterns.
Second, is your bed uncomfortable when you first go to bed, or only in the night? Maybe you’re so sleep at first that you don’t notice the discomfort. Time to investigate getting a new mattress or pillows?
Finally, you might be sleeping more than you realize when you go back to bed.Good luck!
Yes, I’ve found it useful to examine everything I might have added to my routines or habits since the insomnia ramped up. I’ve slowly eliminated them, except for getting out of bed in the AM around the same time every day (or sooner if I’m awake and ruminating), and earlier than I used to.
