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I agree with Packer Fan. And like he says, there will be setbacks. No one sleeps great every night.
Hi Damers, sorry to hear you’re having a tough time. I think most of us take stuff for granted on occasion, whether it is sleeping well or being able to walk, see, etc. And trying to adjust is tough indeed.
Sometimes people just get situational insomnia, depending on specific things which might be stressing you out. You write that you are going through a lot in your life right now. All this stuff could be interfering with sleep. I know when I have something really on my mind, I am not surprised when I wake up at 3 am thinking about it. And when the stress passes on, sleep can get back to normal.
Great, but what to do in the meantime? Maybe the best thing is dealing as best you can with the lot of stuff you are going through. And at day’s end, figuring okay, I’ve done what i can today. And maybe you sleep better that night.
Insomnia gets to be more of a long term problem when it hangs around even after present day stresses are resolved. When you write that “it doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon,” this is the insomnia talking. Again, it is perfectly understandable: it is hard to think straight when you are exhausted day after day. It is easy to lapse into the recurring–and powerful–thought that I am stuck like this indefinitely, maybe forever.
A powerful thought, which must be true because it is so powerful. No, it is not true. Sleep will come back into your life. Hard to believe when you are going through it, I know.
I hope you will stay with the forum.
Take care, Damers, you are not alone in this.
Hi JasmineF, it sounds like you are really committed to the course. This is good. The only caveat I might suggest is that despite your diligence, if you are like most people you will have setbacks now and then, even if you are following every instruction to the letter.
And when it happens, not to freak out and think you are a failure. (At least that’s what I’ve done on occasion, and I think a lot of people do.)
Again, at least in my experience, the biggest problem can be sleep anxiety—why can’t I sleep, omg if I don’t get over this insomnia what am I going to do etc etc—which can take on a life of its own, regardless why the setback started.
I hope I am not discouraging you. I think you are on the right track. But it can get a little tricky. Insomnia is not like a fractured bone, which will heal steadily until it’s pretty much as good as new. How you think about setbacks can determine whether they become a large obstacle or just a blip.
Hi Murraytrm, I think you are taking a good approach reading the posts. I try to do the same—and not just when I have hit a speed bump or setback.
Hi Sami1234, there used to be saying, “Don’t believe everything you read in the newspapers.” The updated version is: “Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet.” There is something quite attractive, even addictive, about clicking on a site, and then with the “help” of algorithms, you get steered to similar sites.
Fortunately, you have found a reliable site with Martin, so no need to click all over the place.
As you are learning, sleep anxiety is the main driver. If you haven’t been sleeping well lately, it’s understandable that you are anxious about whether you will sleep well tonight. And you can acknowledge it: I’m having the thought that I am anxious about how I’m going to sleep—without sliding into “Oh my God, if I don’t sleep well, what am I going to do? I can’t handle this!”
I am actually going through a bit of a setback myself, so this is not just a theory for me. It is happening right now. And I hope I sleep okay, but I also know I have been here before.
We can’t make ourselves sleep great, but we do have a say in our attitude about it.
Take care, you are not alone, not even close.
You’re welcome, RickyGelo.
And when you have your next setback down the line, you might remember that ‘wait, been here before, I can handle this.’ Although you might have moments in which the thought blasts through that ‘no, this is way worse than ever, I can’t handle this, not this time, not any more.’
It might be a really powerful thought, but that’s all it is, a thought. Truth is, yes, you can handle it.
Hi RickyGelo, sorry to hear you are having a setback. Unfortunately, they happen. I have found the best way to handle them is not let them morph into a catastrophe, instead just viewing it as oh, okay a setback for a bit. I know, easier said than done. But true.
I am intrigued by your observation from the course about “doing things aligned with your values every day despite how you slept.” Note that Martin did not add: “unless what you want to do is really hard, in which case forget it.”
I have no doubt that your training regimen is physically and mentally demanding. I have not done such training. But I remember having to work in court, trying cases to juries, dealing with anxious crime victims, including many children having to face their abuser. It has been years now, but I will never forget how hard it was to get up after yet another night of poor sleep, and somehow get dressed, get to work, and deal with it all. So not physically demanding, unless you include sometimes dealing with migraine pain during the day.
I guess it was all aligned with my values because these kids needed me, and I couldn’t just call in sick and see if someone else could fill in for me—which they couldn’t, because the victims / witnesses wouldn’t know them, the whole life stories and family dynamics took weeks to process.
So how did I do it? I am not Superman, or Mother Teresa. Prayer helped, but I understand if that carries baggage for you. So many hypocrites give religion a bad name. And actually, it came down to just doing the next thing. As in now both of my feet are out of bed, onto the floor. Now I am tying my left shoe. I can do this next thing, my right shoe. At work, now I am picking up this file, now I am walking to the courtroom.
I had to do this periodically. Parents have to do it every day. Same with all sorts of people who have to keep going no matter what they have to do, no matter how well they have slept. People in refugee camps.
Well, I guess I’m going a bit here. To sum up, setbacks are definitely a bummer, but you can make it through. Okay, it is tougher to get out there and do your training when you’re tired. But the alternative is well, to not train today. And to base your training schedule on how well you’ve slept. And if you get into a bad insomnia streak, to wind down the training and maybe quit it altogether. With all your training and competitions, you don’t sound like a quitter.
I hope you can take it moment to moment, and that you check out other people’s stories, both the successes and the struggles. Take care, you are not alone in this.
Hi Peppe, it sounds like you are going through a rough time. All I can offer is my own experience. Maybe there is something you can use here. I can say that I have gone through a similar journey.
I wouldn’t say sleep hygiene is a joke, but I agree it only touches the surface, and can seem superficial when the insomnia goes deeper.
“Insomnia makes it impossible for me to live a normal life”—I can relate to this as well, but I would substitute “really hard” for “impossible”– When I was living through what seemed like a slice of hell–exhaustion, the temptation to despair, not go anywhere/do anything— I would try to remember just to focus on the nanosecond, this speck of time, I was in. Not how am I going to deal with driving to the store five minutes from now. Just making it through this nanosecond. Often described as mindfulness and often disparaged as stupid, irrelevant, etc. But the alternative is to try to deal with everything which may happen in the future right now, which is not only overwhelming but unnecessary.
I hope you will stick with the forum and even consider Martin’s course, where he addresses in detail how to not cede power to insomnia, e.g. not planning anything. The forum alone has lots of good info at no charge. There are success stories, and also posts similar to yours—which show there are lots of people out there going through this. We can learn from each other.
I hope you can give yourself credit for making it this far. Don’t give up.
Hi London Jo, suggest you review Martin’s videos about sleep windows, and in general the whole concept of regulating sleep. I believe he covers it early on in the course.
fwiw, I try to go to bed at a fairly definite time, usually between 10:30–11:30 pm. I know some people are not in favor of napping, but I will do it sometimes, but for no more than 20 minutes or so, and only sometime between noon and 2 pm. And if I don’t fall asleep I just get up.
Again, just what has and hasn’t worked for me, I don’t like the idea of napping much later in the day, or for longer periods.
Finally, if I wake up early in the morning and can’t get back to sleep, I just get up. The alternative for me is to lie there and ruminate. I figure I have made it through “tired days” before.
Finally, look at how much stress and effort we can put into sleep, this ongoing battle against insomnia. I have come to believe it doesn’t work, that in fact it’s counter-productive. Hard work pays off when it comes to lots of things–learning how to play an instrument, how to build all sorts of stuff, learning which tool and how to use it, learning to drive…… But I think sleep is something which happens on its own, though unfortunately not always on the schedule we’d like.
Hi Chrissie, it sounds like you are getting hit out of nowhere with insomnia. And even if you determine there was a specific triggering event, the insomnia can take on a life of its own.
I also can relate to how you don’t entertain or go out at night, figuring you are too tired and instead have to gear up for the next day, when you figure you will be tired anyway. This is at least what I think I am hearing. It’s what I used to think. I also envisioned insomnia as this all-powerful force which I was helpless against. It was like a giant.
Over time, I realized the giant did not exist. Instead, it was an unpleasant fantasy conjured up from my thoughts running amuck. This is not meant to be dismissive. Not being able to sleep enough to feel fresh the next day is a bummer. But a lot depends on how we think about it.
I see that you are in Week 1 of the course. In subsequent weeks, Martin addresses how thoughts can drive insomnia, and also how surrendering our lives to insomnia (e.g. avoiding things which we used to enjoy) doesn’t work very well.
I also hope you will read another comments on the forum, both success stories and also how other people are struggling. I think you will find some common themes, one of which you already have figured out, that sleep anxiety perpetuates itself, if we don’t address it.
Take care, you are not alone in this.
Hi Meganb, sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I haven’t raised a baby, so I can’t speak to that issue. I wonder if touching base with other moms could help.
But it sounds like you were struggling with insomnia even earlier, and that having a baby, plus the incident two months ago, are additional triggers which keep the insomnia going. It also sounds like you realize that insomnia can take on a life of its own, independent of triggering events.
I sympathize with your wanting to find a sleep med which will make the insomnia go away. I tried many. Unfortunately there is no cure-all med. If there were, people would be lined up for miles. The doctors will write this or that Rx which might work for a little while, but that’s about it. And M.D.s in particular are generally not very skilled or interested in exploring the emotional aspects of what is disrupting your sleep.
I hope you explore this website. If you read the forum posts, both success stories and accounts of people still struggling, you will see some common themes. One is that most of us get overwhelmed at times by our thoughts. They are so powerful, they must be true, right? (not necessarily at all). Another is that insomnia is something the problem-solving aspect of our brains can process and churn out a solution, much like building a piece of furniture. Wrong, but a lot of us have still spent a lot of time trying to do just that. You will see you are nowhere near alone in all this.
All the forums are free. There is also Martin’s course, which goes into more detail about e.g. how to slow down and observe, rather than race to solve.
Easier said than done when you’re hammered from insomnia. Try not to take on too much, just check out what other people are saying here. Wishing you the best: even if you might feel strongly sometimes that you are condemned to a lifetime of exhaustion, you’re not.
Hi Rania, sorry to hear you are struggling right now. I personally need to establish a fairly set routine. It would not include sleeping on the couch with the TV. But some people on the forum seem to do okay in all sorts of situations.
Maybe the only thing I’ve learned for sure is sleep just happens, as with babies and dogs. Not much consolation when you are feeling desperate—and I have been there—but it leaves me convinced that sleep anxiety can just get worse the more we obsess about it.
You note that some nights you do sleep considerably longer, and I am assuming at least somewhat better. Do you think perhaps you were not worrying as much about sleep at those times?
Hi Jtrang—-I can definitely relate to how insomnia can put your brain in a dark place, via powerful thoughts, even if they’re not necessarily true.
I would encourage you to stay with the course to learn about setbacks. I think you’ll find they are annoying, temporary blips, nothing more.
Hi Packer Fan, I hear you wanting to know why you’re having a setback, or a glitch. Call it what you will. When I don’t have any particular situation waking me up, I figure it just happens. In fact, I expect to wake up during the night, and usually do.
And I get that it can lead to worry about getting back to sleep. And then sleep anxiety moves in.
I tried to fight off sleep anxiety for the longest time. I finally learned it’s a lot better to just sort of stand back and watch it. It wants to tussle with you, but I never found that worked very well.
In short, even if you get to where you are sleeping well most of the time, a tough night or even a few can easily happen. The more you can just roll with it, the better. And yes, easier said than done sometimes.
Hi Charlie__7093:
“I think it’s the anxiety over having loss of sleep that sometimes creates the insomnia–a self fulfilling prophecy.” <<<< I think you nailed it right there, regardless of meds or anything else.
If we were perfectly logical all the time, I suppose your insight would mean no more insomnia. Instead, sleep anxiety can still hang around. Or as I think you’ve found, leave for a while and then pop back into your life.
it is indeed a vicious circle, maybe a menacing merry-go-round. I wonder if the next time you can’t get to sleep, or (like me) you wake up early and can’t get back to sleep, instead of seeing yourself as pinned on this go-round, you can visualize standing back and just watching it spin.
Sure, you’d rather it wasn’t there at all and you were still asleep, but at least knowing you don’t have to get on it. It could well be you don’t get a lot of sleep that night and are tired the next day, which I know is not fun. But you’ve been at this a while, and you have made it through 100% of the tired days so far.
Take care, you are not alone in this. And I do think your insight into sleep anxiety will help overall.
