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Hi amrah23, I can relate to your description of insomnia as hell. It can certainly seem like at least an introduction to hell.
But I did learn over time that repeating to myself that “this is hell” tended to perpetuate the experience. I found that even if I did not sleep well, it did not have to mean I was going through hell. Sure, I would have preferred to have slept well, but being tired did not necessarily have to mean being miserable.
And I found that sleep meds could help get over a really bad spot, and they would work for a while until I built up a resistance to it. So on to another med, for a while. But sometimes no meds would work because I would build up the anxiety and frustration to the point where nothing could get me to sleep.
Easier said than done, I know, but it comes down to attitude. Little kids don’t think about sleep, they just conk out. It’s a natural process, which we can overthink and tie ourselves in knots about.
I hope you stick with the forum. You will find there are lots of people going through this. And it doesn’t mean you are condemned to a lifetime of exhaustion.
Hi Liz, I am glad you found this site. I think you will see you are not alone in this.
The main thing for me about insomnia is how I can learn what to do and not do, and then have a setback and sort of forget it all, because my mind gets so scrambled from lack of sleep. And then learning again to be gentle with myself because well, I’m doing the best I can.
You will learn or re-learn about sleep hygiene, the limits of sleep meds, and the big kahuna for most of us—sleep anxiety.
I don’t want to sound patronizing. Maybe you have heard all this before. But at least for me, I need to get reminded a lot.
Welcome.
Hi Jwvin, sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. All I can do is offer what has/hasn’t worked for me. Maybe it will help; I hope so.
I found that sleep meds either worked not at all, or for a short time before I built up a resistance. M.Ds tend to just write you another prescription without exploring any emotional aspects of insomnia. I did get some relief with a CPAP for apnea, but nothing else.
Re the emotional aspects, what worked the most–and still does, when I have setbacks is prayer and mindfulness. The first for getting the strength to get through the worst moments, the second for training my mind to stop buying into my thoughts.
I realize many people don’t believe in prayer, but there you go. As for mindfulness, there are documented studies which show actual physical changes to the brain. This matters because I found that like most people, my thoughts would get really scrambled when I was exhausted, to the point where I would start buying into my thoughts instead of just observing them drift or race through my head. It didn’t even matter if something concrete was happening in my life to disrupt sleep. Just worrying about whether I would sleep, aka sleep anxiety, took on a life of its own—a common story which afflicts millions of us.
A couple of mindfulness websites: palousemindfulness.com and mindfulness northwest.com
Also Headspace Guide to Meditation on Netflix.As with prayer, a lot of people will blow off mindfulness as useless because they hear or read something from one or two people which doesn’t resonate.
I hope you stay with this website. Martin’s email and podcasts are really good, and reading other people’s posts help as well. For starters, you will see you are far from alone in all this.
I don’t believe there is a “cure” for insomnia, as in you will sleep great every night from here on out. It’s not like breaking a bone, which heals up and works fine after two or three months. So try not to freak out with setbacks.
All easier said than done: I still have to watch the tendency to panic, get irritable, despairing, etc. Insomnia can do a number on you.
Don’t give up, like I say you are not alone.
Hi nickpack, I am sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time.
It sounds like you know the sleep hygiene drill. In case you don’t know, another point is to avoid screen time before bedtime.
Doctors, especially M.D.s, are inclined to write you a prescription for this or that. I don’t know that you really get “addicted” to sleep meds as much as they offer only temporary relief at best. Not a bad thing when you are really up against it, but if there were a surefire drug to cure insomnia, you would have heard about it.
As far as research goes, the technical side has turned up only sleep apnea as a problem which medical engineering can solve via sleep studies and CPAP machines. Beyond that, insomnia is more esoteric, for lack of a better word. It defies solution in the way you solve things like crossword puzzles or how to fix an electrical circuit. I wish this were not so: I totally get just wanting to fix the damn thing once and for all.
I am glad you joined this site. For starters, you will see you are not even close to alone in this. Beyond that, I think you will see from the comments and Martin’s emails/podcasts that obsessing about sleep is counter-productive. Sleep anxiety takes on a life of its own. You can probably understand this easily on an intellectual level, but it can really be a bear when you’re tired. So it can help to hear the message again.
I am having a bit of a setback right now. I am doing my best to accept where I am at this moment. That might sound kind of passive, but I know that trying harder to sleep and sliding into panic when I don’t will not work.
I would have preferred to have slept better last night, but I am going to find some good spots to enjoy today anyway and not be too hard on myself. I hope you can, too.
Hi Fifi, it sounds like you are really going through the mill right now. I can totally relate to trying to think your way out of insomnia and then telling your brain to stop thinking. The truth is that thinking does not cure insomnia, it can get in the way, plus you can’t stop thinking.
So what to do? For me, I have done best when I realize that okay, my thoughts are flying all over the place, especially when I’m hammered after several nights of poor sleep. And sometimes I have gotten so tired that I have just let the thoughts fly through my head, as in okay, you thoughts are going to keep zipping around, I can’t seem to “think” you out of here….but at the same time, I realize later that I guess I stopped putting a lot of stock into what the thoughts were about. And damn if I didn’t sleep better. How crazy is that?
It’s sort of like it didn’t matter what the thoughts were, it was only when I bought into them that I had problems.
Hard to see this when you are really blitzed, and the thoughts seem to be bringing on a big catastrophe, when actually they are just bubbles. Eventually they just pop and you realize they didn’t amount to anything.
Take care, you are not alone in this. I hope you stay with the site. Besides realizing you are not alone, just hearing how people have dealt with insomnia can help. It might sound repetitive, but it seems we need to keep hearing it. It is so easy to lapse back into trying to think our way out.
Hi BBS, Just as others have responded to your post, I think it is helpful to check out other posts, especially those where Martin et al have responded. You might find the comments repetitive, but actually that is part of the drill. Some things you just have to hear or do over and over, and then get reminded.
This is especially so when it comes to setbacks, relapses, whatever you want to call it. It can be easy to slide into thinking, ‘oh no, I had this down, I was doing fine, what’s wrong with me, etc.’
Or another mindset is ‘ I am reading success stories, but I can’t seem to get anywhere, what’s wrong with me, I am stuck forever in this, etc.’
In both cases, it’s the insomnia talking. I just had to get reminded again this week.
Hi ksglow56, I can relate. You seem to be the only person who is not able to sleep. And you go to the store or work, and it seems like everybody is rested and refreshed. That no one knows what you are going through, what is wrong with me, etc.
Basically, that is the insomnia talking. Not only are you tired, but you get all sorts of whacked-out thoughts running through your head. The truth is there are millions of us out here every day who are hammered tired and just trying to make it through the day somehow.
I hope you stick with this site. You will find plenty of stories like yours. And not just laments, but tips on how to see insomnia as a temporary symptom, like a cold. Hard to see it as temporary when it keeps hanging around, but so much depends on how we feel about it. Is it just a situation at the moment, or are we giving it power by obsessing about it, and trying to think our way out of it.
You are not alone in this, not even close.
Hi bearescape, it sounds like you have figured out a big piece already—that “trying to control my sleep” doesn’t work. If you are ready to embrace CBTi, and yet have not started, perhaps you could touch base with Martin to explore if/why you are hesitating.
Hi lukekwinarko, you might want to check out Martin’s sleep restriction tips and his emails and podcasts. I think part of the program involves going to bed at a certain time and getting up at a certain time, regardless how well you slept. But I would refer you to his materials.
Beyond the specific program he outlines, as a general longterm rule, I have found that keeping track of the time hasn’t worked that well. Of course if you have time-sensitive obligations, e.g. having to get to work at a certain time, you cannot ignore the clock. But to the extent possible, I have found that I did better when i stopped calculating.
Actually the thing which disturbed my sleep the most was thinking about how my sleep was disturbed. And then thinking about it some more, and then trying to stop thinking about it. And realizing that made me think about it all the more. I still can get into this mindset, until I realize for the 10,000th time that it’s best just to acknowledge I am thinking about it and let it be. Which does not guarantee better sleep the next night, but it has been the best alternative over time.
Hi NikC14, it sounds like you are going through it right now. I should start off by saying I am not a medical professional. I think the longest I stayed awake was 60-70 hours at some point. There also have been times when I thought I was awake, eventually getting up, feeling like I had not slept at all, only to be told I was snoring periodically. As far as I can tell, the body does shut down to some extent, even if it is not restful sleep.
Perhaps more to the point, there were plenty of times when I wished I would die rather than continue with insomnia. This stemmed from my thoughts going haywire from exhaustion—and worse, buying into the thoughts, again from exhaustion.
Sleep meds can help short term, though doctors often will write a prescription and not want to address underlying emotional causes. And no medication will guarantee good sleep long term, and they can be dangerous if abused.
I hope you can stay with this site to check out Martin’s materials, and also to see that you are not alone. Any given morning, millions of people are hammered from poor sleep the night before. I dealt with insomnia for decades (doesn’t mean you will, had to work through early trauma, etc.), but even now, sometimes I don’t sleep all that great. It happens, and it can continue on into a nasty stretch when my brain gets scrambled and I forget all I have learned about letting thoughts just be, instead of buying into them.
It is easy to buy into the idea that I haven’t slept well night after night, therefore I am condemned to a lifetime like this. ……even though it isn’t true.
Hi Kmm, first, it’s a good idea to check through this site. Please do not think that because no one has responded to your specific post, that no one cares. Rather, you can see there are a lot of posts to reply to. Any given night, millions of people are not sleeping well. So you’re not alone by a long shot.
It sounds like you have identified some reasons for not sleeping well. Working on a master’s thesis is enough to stress anybody out. Add to that relationship issues. Then meds.
Re the meds, pharmacist are the best source for info on side effects. Many drugs contribute to insomnia, so sometimes you have to balance the benefit of the drug given such an unpleasant side effect. Also know that there is no drug which will guarantee good, long term sleep. If there were, you would see people lined up for blocks.
I think the biggest plus of this site is Martin’s emphasis on how thoughts enter the picture. The thesis, or relationship trouble, even the insomnia itself, doesn’t automatically lead to the loss of hope you describe. The culprit is the recurring thought about what insomnia means–rather, what you think it means. I know when I would be hammered from lack of sleep, my mind would drift to despair, along the lines of “this is hopeless,” “I wish I was dead,” “maybe I should kill myself,” etc. Powerful thoughts that seem true because they’re so powerful.
But they are not true. Instead, they are just thoughts drifting through your head, and they are easy to latch onto and believe when you’re too tired to think straight. With considerable practice, I was able to recognize the enormous difference between:
1. It’s hopeless, I should just die; and
2. I’m having the thought that it’s hopeless, I should just die.Prefacing with “I’m having the thought that…” can provide some distance, so you can observe your thoughts rather than automatically buy into them.
Like I said, you are not alone. Stay with us.
Hi Shlokless, I think you can benefit from CBT-I. And it looks like you are already making progress, even if it may not seem that way.
You have recognized a source of situational insomnia, namely medical school exams. And that regardless of source, sleep anxiety can move in and carry insomnia forward on its own.
For me, the key has been to step back and note my thoughts about insomnia, e.g. having thoughts about why can’t I sleep, I can’t deal with this, etc. Basically thoughts recurring—and recognizing they are just thoughts drifting through my head, like clouds through the sky.
It’s harder when you are tired, and it seems like you become your thoughts. But this is an illusion, albeit sometimes a powerful one.
Final point: trying hard to sleep doesn’t work. No doubt you have worked hard to get as far as you are, but this is one area where letting go is key. Yes, easier said than done, but for what it’s worth, I think you are going to make it through this.
Take care, you are not alone.
Hi Claudia22, I am sorry you are going through this. You write that you “always think that no one and nothing will ever help me.” That is not true, but millions of us can relate: when you are hammered from lack of sleep, powerful (but false) thoughts can rage through your head.
It sounds like you are dealing with some difficult physical health problems. That is certainly the start of situational insomnia–an actual event or condition that is tough to deal with. But it’s the emotions that take and run with it.
“Sometimes I cannot control my emotions at night”…… a few things are certain, and one is that you can forget about controlling your emotions. Take the anger you describe. Sure, you don’t want to act out on anger via eg. a road rage incident, but as for preventing yourself from being angry, forget it. I think you have a better shot at trying to step back and watch the anger and other emotions. I know, easier said than done, when you are swirling in them and you’re exhausted. But it’s the way to let your emotions be, whatever they are, so your body doesn’t have to carry them.
Martin’s course, and podcasts/emails address this more fully. I hope you will stay with this site and come to realize that you are not alone in this. Even when it feels that way.
Hi MCODad, have you considered sleep apnea? A sleep medicine doctor can diagnose it with a sleep study. Essentially it measures how many times per hour your breathing is impaired. Usually this means the patient is not sleeping well. Even if you are feeling rested in the morning, the breathing interruptions can lead to gasping and snoring.
A CPAP takes some getting used to. But if it helps keep your breathing steady, you could sleep with your wife again, so that’s a plus.
Excess weight can contribute to snoring, but even slim people can develop sleep apnea, so it might be worth checking out. I think most insurance plans cover sleep studies…..if you have been to an airport lately, you might have noticed lots of people carrying small square gray briefcases. They are CPAPs.
Hi Purllearyes, wow, a lot going on. You have certainly given this a lot of thought.
I wonder if a sleep study would at least provide some neurological evidence of what is going on when you are asleep—or as you describe it, at least unconscious. I know you don’t think it’s apnea. But a sleep study would establish that definitively one way or the other.
You mention that you have tried sleep schedules. But as you say, your body goes into “emergency mode” to get real sleep after feeling unrested for several days. It might be worth exploring Martin’s plan for sleep restriction. I think he addresses what you are going through.
I know from experience that depression leads to insomnia, usually early morning awakening. Even if you are unconscious, obviously you are not getting restful sleep. That plus the chronic anxiety since childhood. If it is like what I experienced, it kind of perpetuates itself: an unpleasant memory can pop in your head and you can feel like you are at its mercy.
All those thoughts trying to figure out what is wrong are certainly understandable. But in my own struggle, I found that while it helped to catalog what might be causing insomnia, I could never think my way out of it. So the thoughts for me were kind of a mixed blessing. What I found most helpful was being able to step back from my thoughts and observe them from a bit of a distance. This includes unpleasant memories popping into my head.
And yes, I know that stepping back and observing is hard when you are really blitzed. It can seem like everything you are thinking has to be true because well, it feels that way. Even though it is just the insomnia talking.
Take care, you are not alone in this.
