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It sounds like you are moving in the direction you want to be heading!
The pounding heart is something you’d rather not experience so it makes sense that you might try to resist, fight, or avoid that. And, if your experience tells you that you cannot directly control what your heart does, maybe that could be setting you up for some additional struggle.
Building skill in accepting whatever your heart might be doing (I’m assuming you’ve had your heart checked out by a doctor!) might help reduce the struggle it creates. And, you seem to be building skill in acceptance through your ongoing practice of the AWAKE exercise 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Candy! You are not alone 🙂
Your experience seems to be telling you that you cannot directly or permanently control what your mind does — the thoughts it generates or the feelings it generates.
And, when your mind doesn’t respond to your understandable attempts to control it, you respond by trying harder. Trying harder to make your mind relaxed. Trying harder to calm yourself so anxiety goes away.
All that trying requires a lot of energy and attention. And you notice that all the trying doesn’t solve the problem. The thoughts and feelings aren’t permanently deleted. They come back (or they never go away). Perhaps they get even more powerful. You get pulled into a struggle.
And so you feel defeated. Your trying doesn’t seem to work. You feel stuck.
What’s the opportunity here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are clearly someone who takes action!
You take an OTC sleep aid from time to time and your goal is to get off it. You are able to reflect on the progress you’ve made toward this goal — your use has drastically decreased over the last year.
You also have the experience that even though you’ve drastically decreased your use of the sleep aid, you have also experienced full nights of sleep. So you know that this sleep aid isn’t actually generating sleep.
The action of taking the sleep aid is something that doesn’t reflect who you are or who you want to be. As a result you feel annoyed at yourself when you do take it.
You have the understandable and valid worry that without a sleep aid you won’t sleep. And you have the experience of knowing that you can sleep without a sleep aid and that you get to decide how to respond to that worry.
Your response moves you closer to where you want to be or it pulls you away from where you want to be. And it sounds like you want to commit to not taking a sleep aid in response.
What changes could you make so you are less likely to take a sleep aid in response to being awake and all the thoughts and feelings that can show up at that time? What actions will support your desire and commitment to change?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are reminding yourself that sleep is out of your control and that trying to control what is out of your control only creates a struggle and more difficulty.
You also have a powerful awareness that although there are things you cannot control, you can always control your actions. That matters because it’s your actions that determine your level of struggle.
It sounds as though going to bed earlier doesn’t feel like the right way forward for you right now because that could set you up for more time spent struggling at night.
You’ve identified hyperarousal as a problem. You feel trapped in a state of hyperarousal. What — if anything — do you need to do differently to get out of that trap?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Being awake and resting sounds a lot more appealing than being awake and battling and struggling!
You typically wake before the end of your sleep window and spend that time resting in bed. You wonder if, by stopping the sleep window, you might benefit from giving yourself the opportunity to get more rest in bed.
You don’t have to keep a sleep window going for any longer than you want to keep it going — there’s nothing compulsory in this course because you are the expert on yourself!
A sleep window cannot make a certain amount or type of sleep happen. It’s more of a tool that’s intended to help you move away from chasing after sleep. It also comes with the bonus of ensuring enough time for sleep drive to build and ensuring enough time for you to do things that matter with your waking life (rather than spending it all in bed!).
If you aren’t sure what to do about the sleep window, conducting an experiment might be an option to consider!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Waking during sleep is a normal part of sleep, @GaryJaster — so trying to fight or avoid those awakenings might create additional struggle.
As you touched upon, the more you chase after a certain amount or type of sleep the more elusive (and difficult) it can become.
What are you doing in response to those nighttime awakenings and what are you learning from what you are doing in response?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @Lin 🙂
You have been reminded that sleep is out of your control and that it’s not always going to happen as you want it to happen. And, that can be disappointing and frustrating to experience.
It can be hard to figure out exactly why sleep doesn’t always happen as we want it to (although we know that chasing after a certain amount or type of sleep often makes it more elusive).
What might be more important is how we respond when that happens — because our response is always within our control (unlike sleep) and our response determines whether we get pulled back into a struggle or continue to move in the direction we want to be heading.
It sounds like you don’t want sleep to be the focus of your attention. What do you need to do to keep moving toward that goal?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That desire is normal, valid, and understandable — you want to sleep just like your husband does!
As for how to cope with that desire and those feelings… how do you currently respond to them when they show up, and what have you been learning from that?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing all these insights, @jmluceno!
You found it reassuring to learn the difference between sleep deprivation and insomnia, and about your body’s natural ability to generate, compensate for, and adjust sleep (and sleep architecture) based on what it needs.
Understanding that sleep happens no matter what you might be thinking (and no matter how those thoughts feel) has helped lift the pressure you might have been putting on yourself to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings.
You have a clear awareness that sleep is out of your control and that the more you try to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen, the more you struggle.
Not only are you picking up insights like these to draw from as you continue to move forward, you are also putting into practice what is being shared on the course. You are taking action. You are building and developing skills that will move you in the direction you want to be heading!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing your experience, @dkreasoner!
The more you tried to make seep happen and the more you tried to get rid of anxiety, the more you struggled. The podcast taught you that you weren’t alone.
You decided to take control over your life back. Your actions once again reflected your values and served you and the life you wanted to live rather than sleep and insomnia. That stripped insomnia of its power and influence.
You practiced and developed skill in accepting whatever was happening at night (instead of going to war). The result was less struggle (with whatever was going on) and it came with the bonus of getting some TV time and reading in!
With less struggle you have more energy (and attention) to live the life you want to live. You have left sleep to take care of itself and that has given it the best opportunity to do just that!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello again @Elore_07 and thanks for taking the time to reflect and share!
Not putting pressure on yourself to sleep is one idea you shared. What would you be doing differently if you weren’t putting pressure on yourself to make sleep happen?
As for being attached to a certain bedtime, that makes complete sense — it can feel safe! And, as @dkreasoner shared, it can also be a potential source of ongoing struggle if going to bed at a certain time is an action that’s not moving you closer to where you want to be.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds like you have a problem-solving brain that’s doing its job of looking out for you. It’s reminding you of past experiences that were hard so you might identify opportunities to deal with them in a different way in the future.
As you reflect on that experience of feeling lonely as you tried to make sleep happen — what did you learn and what can you do with that knowledge to help you move forward?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Evie and welcome to the forum!
It’s OK to not like certain thoughts and feelings and it’s OK to want them gone. That desire is totally valid, understandable, and human!
So, there’s no need to try to convince yourself of anything you don’t believe. As you shared, thoughts and feelings can be accurate and helpful. And sometimes they can be inaccurate and unhelpful.
What many people describe on the podcast is that the weight — the power, influence, and difficulty — of all those thoughts and feelings can become a bit lighter when they move away from trying to fight or avoid them. When they gain skill in making space for them to come and go (even if they’d rather not experience them at all).
As your experience tells you, you cannot control what thoughts and feelings show up (or how long they stick around for). You can control how you respond to them. And your response might determine the amount of power and influence they have over your life.
With that being said, these are just my thoughts — you are the expert on you. I hope there’s something useful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sure can feel strange and it’s not unusual!
Studies have also found that people with insomnia tend to underestimate the amount of sleep they get while people without insomnia tend to overestimate the amount of sleep they get.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing your progress 🙂
You are clearly developing skill in experiencing wakefulness with less struggle, thanks to your ongoing commitment to workable action (getting the practice in)!
You have identified the appearance of a specific feeling — fear — as something that can create a struggle. The NOW exercise is helping you refocus your attention during the day and you seem to be unsure of how to respond to the presence of that feeling at night.
As you know, there’s no way to permanently delete fear (and that’s probably a good thing for survival!) — but you always have control over how you respond to it.
As the expert on yourself, what actions could you practice that might help you train your brain that something it generates fear about isn’t actually a threat?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
