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Hello Matthew! It’s good to hear that you are practicing what you are learning from the course — you are taking action and action is what creates change!
It’s totally understandable that you went back for the Tylenol, Advil, and your sleep aid — and, even though it sounds as though that’s something you don’t want to do, you have learned something from that experience.
Your brain doesn’t care if you are awake or asleep in bed. Your brain only cares about one thing — protecting you.
If you struggle in bed, it can see the bed as a threat and is more likely to fire up to protect you. If you don’t struggle in bed, it’s far less likely to see the bed as a threat.
With this in mind, it doesn’t matter whether you get out of bed or not. What matters is what your intention is when you are in bed or out of bed. What you are doing and why you are doing it. What you are trying to achieve.
Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Yes, there will always be ups and downs. There can be no doubt about that! And now, when those “downs” happen, you can remind yourself of the time when you got eight hours of uninterrupted sleep, or six hours of sleep. You can remind yourself of the value of practicing the AWAKE exercise.
You know you are capable of good nights of sleep and you know that good sleep tends to happen when you are less attached to making it happen.
Thanks for sharing your growing awareness and the insights you are picking up on your journey!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you are within the hour or so before your sleep window begins and feel ready to go to bed, you might want to just go to bed. Some people find it helpful to stop checking the time once their buffer zone begins and then go to bed whenever they feel ready to go to bed. Do you feel that might be an approach that could be worth exploring?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good job getting some practice in with the AWAKE exercise! Since “shallow sleep” is still sleep, I am not sure how it would be helpful to get out of bed when shallow sleep is happening. How do you feel that would help you?
To answer your second question, sleep doesn’t care whether you take magnesium or not. Your belief about whether it might (or might not) probably has the most influence!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great question! There’s no need to get out of bed during your sleep window unless you want to. What matters is practicing experiencing being awake (and all the thoughts and feelings that can come with being awake) with less struggle. Being more of a curious observer of what’s happening rather than an aggressive opponent.
You don’t necessarily need to find enjoyment in activities you practice while awake at night — although that can be a bonus! What truly matters is that the activity is more appealing than the alternative (which is often battling with being awake, struggling, fighting, pressure, effort, and unhelpful self-talk).
Remember you aren’t trying to make sleep happen (your experience tells you that trying to make sleep happen doesn’t work, right?) — so the activity itself doesn’t really matter. Your goal here is simply to practice experiencing nighttime wakefulness with less struggle.
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Timh! Have you been diagnosed with OCD and the urge to move your body has been medically attributed to OCD? If so, I would suggest seeking medical advice on that.
If this is more of an observation rather than a medical issue, how do you currently respond to the urge to move your body and how is that working for you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you used to take a book to bed and read until you feel sleepy, what’s stopping you from doing that again? If you feel comfortable with being awake in bed from the time you go to bed to the time you fall asleep, how can it be a problem?
Remember that the sleep window is simply one tool that is intended to help you move away from chasing after sleep. If you feel completely comfortable with the amount of time you spend in bed, there’s no need to change anything. If the amount of time you spend in bed seems to be creating a struggle and making things difficult, that’s when a sleep window might be worth practicing.
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Matthew and thanks for sharing that you’ve been completely off the sleep aids, along with the Tylenol/Advil! Why was it important for you to do that?
As you have experienced, difficult nights are going to show up from time to time — just as difficult days are going to show up from time to time. What matters is how we respond because our response determines how much we are going to struggle and the level of power and influence these difficult nights will have over us.
We probably don’t need to work on not associating the bed with wakefulness — after all, many people who don’t pay any attention to sleep read in bed, watch TV in bed, and do many other activities in bed while awake and they sleep just fine. What can be helpful is working on not associating the bed with struggle.
Tossing and turning through the night doesn’t sound pleasant (but perhaps I am wrong — you are the expert on you, after all)! Can you think of an alternative way of responding to nighttime wakefulness that might be a bit more pleasant or a bit more workable compared to tossing and turning? A way that might help you build skill in experiencing wakefulness and all the thoughts and feelings that can come with that with a bit less struggle?
You could always shorten your sleep window if you think that would be helpful — just remember that the goal of the sleep window isn’t to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen (if used in that way, it could create some additional struggle). The real intent with the sleep window is to help you move away from chasing after sleep, trying to make it happen.
Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though it might come down to this — what action best reflects who you are, who you want to be, and moves you closer to the life you want to live? Playing in concerts or not playing in concerts?
You can control the action of playing in concerts. According to your experience, can you control any of the other stuff that happens inside you (such as thoughts, feelings, sleep itself)?
It might be helpful to use your experience as a guide when questions like this come up — after all, you are the expert on you!
To use the question you posed here about whether or not you should play in the concert, you might reflect on whether you have played a concert after a night of no sleep in the past. If so, what happened? Did that move you closer to the life you want to live and the person you want to be? What did you learn from that experience?
And, you might reflect on whether you withdrew from a concert after a night of no sleep in the past. If so, what happened? Did that move you closer to the life you want to live and the person you want to be? What did you learn from that experience?
If your anxiety is so intense as to cause frequent vomiting, unsteadiness, and trembling, I would suggest seeking help from a licensed healthcare provider — it would be beyond the scope of this course to aim to help you with that.
I would also encourage you to practice being kind to yourself. What you are going through is really difficult and none of it is your fault.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
There’s no need to get out of bed just because you are awake, Hyhan! You might find it helpful to revisit this lesson: What about stimulus control for insomnia?
You mentioned that if I had that magic wand, you would no longer need to struggle at night. At the current time, why do you need to struggle — and how is that working for you?
You also mentioned that if you didn’t feel exhausted and had more energy you would be able to do a lot more things and accomplish more tasks. If you try to do those things and tasks when you feel exhausted — when you try to follow through — what happens? If I saw you trying and being unable to follow through, what would I see happen?
As hiker mentioned, there’s always the opportunity to expand your focus of attention when things are difficult. To make the effort to consciously notice and acknowledge and appreciate and savor the good things that are still present, even when things are difficult.
And, there’s always the opportunity to do small things that matter — things that nudge you a bit closer to the person you want to be and the life you want to live — even if those actions might seem to be miniscule.
And, it’s also helpful (and important) to be kind to yourself when things are difficult too. Things feel difficult when they are difficult.
And, you are not alone.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You don’t “need” to do anything, Packer Fan 🙂
Everyone spends time awake in bed — the difference between people who struggle with sleep and the people who do not is that those who do not struggle aren’t trying to make sleep happen when they are awake in bed. They aren’t looking for answers or solutions when they are awake in bed. They aren’t trying to figure out what they’re doing wrong. They don’t try to get rid of wakefulness and they don’t try to control their thoughts and feelings.
Perhaps reframing your goal when you get into bed and seeing it as a time for rest, rather than a time when sleep must happen, might be useful?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I think there might be an insight here.
Before you go to bed, when you have no intention to sleep, you feel sleepy.
When you go to bed, you lost that sense of sleepiness. Perhaps that’s because — once you go to bed — a change happens. There’s an intention to make sleep happen.
With the intention, you might start to “try” to make sleep happen. You might start putting pressure on yourself to sleep. You might start trying to control your mind; your thoughts, your feelings. With all this effort and trying, sleep is less likely to happen. With all this effort and trying, you need to be more awake to engage in it.
So, perhaps nothing unusual is really going on here. Some questions for you:
1. When you listen to spiritual music, what is your goal? What are you trying to achieve by doing that?
2. When you practice the AWAKE exercise, what is your goal? What are you trying to achieve by doing that?
3. Why are you trying not to get upset? Are you able to permanently delete that feeling through effort — or is that effort perhaps creating a struggle that makes things more difficult?
4. When you find yourself struggling, what are you doing, specifically?—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s great to see that you are putting into practice what you are exploring in the course!
When it comes to sleep, challenging periods happen — just as when it comes to life, challenging periods happen. Life without challenge, without difficulty, without pain, without struggle is impossible!
What matters is how we respond — do we use these periods to build grit, resilience, skill? Do we see them as opportunities for personal growth and development? Do we accept they come with a rich and meaningful life and continue to do what matters?
Or do we withdraw from life, do less, and continue to experience difficulty anyway?
(And which of those two options is the most workable?)
As for the “E” in the AWAKE exercise, if you feel quite comfortable wrapping your head in blankets, perhaps that’s an appropriate way you can practice experiencing wakefulness with less struggle?
If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, and it is creating an unpleasant struggle, why do it? Where is that action getting you? How is it working for you?
The activity itself doesn’t need to be “meaningful” but it should probably be something that is better than struggle — something that can help you experience wakefulness and all the thoughts and feelings that might be showing up with it, with a bit less struggle.
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
As mentioned by Barbara, if sleeping separately is something that won’t pull you away from who you are and the life you want to live, that’s always an option to consider!
It sounds as though sleeping together is important to you, @bekahmoore1 — and so it might be worth considering what’s in your control here.
You can control the action of sharing a bed — and it sounds as though that would be an action that is aligned with the life you want to live.
You can also control the action of sleeping separately — and it sounds as though that would be an action that is not aligned with the life you want to live. And, since you cannot control sleep through effort and since sleep can happen regardless of where we sleep, perhaps this option might prove to be less workable?
Quite often, it’s not sharing a bed with a partner or having a partner that goes to bed earlier or later, or even having a partner who breathes a certain way or who snores that’s the real issue. It’s our belief that it is (or could be) an issue.
When that belief exists, we are more likely to experience difficult thoughts and feelings when those things happen. Then, we are likely to respond by trying to fight those thoughts and feelings, by trying to make sleep happen, by trying to get rid of wakefulness, and/or by putting pressure on ourselves to sleep. And that is what usually makes things more difficult — our response rather than the “trigger” itself.
Does this make sense? Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
This is great to hear — thanks for sharing! If we take a moment to reflect, I think that many of us can recognize that the more pressure we put on ourselves to make sleep happen, the more difficult things can become. That’s an insight that can really help change things for the better!
Oh, and yes — a sleep window can be difficult to implement, especially in the early days! Good on you for being willing to experiment with curiosity and an open mind!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
