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Thanks for raising this!
I get the impression that you are defining reassurance as tapping into your wise mind and reflecting on your experience. So, if a thought shows up that says “I can’t sleep” you might acknowledge that thought and then remind yourself of all the times you have actually slept.
That is aligned with the teachings of the course — especially if your intention isn’t to permanently delete that thought or the feelings attached to it.
If reassurance involved something like calling in sick to work or canceling plans with friends so you could spend the morning researching sleep and/or repeating mantras with laser-focused attention to make yourself feel reassured or eliminate certain thoughts and feelings then that probably wouldn’t be aligned with the teachings of the course — because your actions would be pulling you away from the kind of life you want to live and you are trying to control something that seems to be out of your control.
Does this help make things any clearer?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I’ll share a few of my own — I like to use the Workable Action Worksheet as a guide since it gives me more awareness of the thoughts and feelings that can trigger away moves, and it reminds me of my values and the specific actions I can take to live by them.
Thought/Feeling: Frustration
Away move: Snapping/Yelling at loved onesThought/Feeling: Anxiety
Away move: ProcrastinationThought/Feeling: Fatigue
Away move: Canceling a planned climbing gym session with a friend~~~
Value: Health/Fitness
Toward move: 30-minute workout in the morningValue: Humor
Toward move: Watch a comedy movie/TV showValue: Family
Toward move: Playing with my son~~~
I would add here that you can come up with as many thoughts/feelings that trigger away moves as you like — your goal is awareness.
And, you don’t have to come up with away moves for each specific trigger — again, the goal is simply awareness of unworkable responses to the most difficult/powerful thoughts and feelings that show up.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, and for your kind words!
You learned a lot, even when you still felt stuck. You reflected on your experience and identified actions that weren’t serving you, weren’t helping, weren’t moving you closer to where you wanted to be.
You also identified actions that were helpful. Recognizing that sleep doesn’t require (or want!) any effort motivated you to continue moving forward in a workable way.
You are in a better place now and you still notice the presence of normal human emotions such as fear. You continue to focus on (and commit to) actions that reflect the life you want to live.
As you shared, recovery timelines vary from person to person — if only there was a way to control that! All we can do is work toward recovery. Commit to the ongoing practice of actions that move us in the direction we want to be heading.
You’ve been through ups and downs. You’ve taken (and continue to take) action. You experienced doubts. You experience fear.
And you remained committed to workable action — and that’s why you are where you find yourself now!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Mike! All worries are natural, normal, and valid.
The intent of the NOW exercise is to help you refocus on where you are and what you are doing.
Refocus when your mind leaves the present and starts to travel to the past or into the future.
Refocus when you find yourself getting distracted by the thoughts and feelings your problem-solving brain generates as it does its job of looking out for you.
Every time you practice the NOW exercise, you are refocusing your attention. That doesn’t mean you’ll refocus once and then you are laser focused from that point on. You’ll probably need to refocus over and over.
You can do that and build skill in refocusing. Or you can spend that time on ChatGPT, focusing more on the thoughts, feelings, and worries that you are noticing and trying to validate or reason with them.
As the expert on yourself, you get to decide which is the most workable course of action — and whether or not (and how) you might commit to the option that feels right to you.
Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Things are still difficult and you are noticing more positive and brighter moments. Reminding yourself of that helps expand the focus of your attention, is a form of self-kindness, and can sometimes reveal things that might otherwise get missed.
You are focusing your attention on what you can control — your actions. You are focusing on actions that reflect your values and move you toward the life you want to live, even when things are difficult.
When sleep doesn’t happen as you want it to and when difficult thoughts and feelings show up, confidence can feel shaken. And actions that matter can happen independently of confidence (confidence typically comes from action) — and sleep can happen whether or not confidence is present.
As you shared, the physical symptoms of anxiety are very unpleasant — and they can make it harder to fall asleep (although sleep is still possible). And trying to fight or avoid anxiety and/or those symptoms pulls you into a struggle that only makes sleep even more difficult (although still possible).
As you pointed out, you cannot directly control those thoughts and feelings. For as long as you try to calm yourself, fight, avoid, or otherwise resist whatever thoughts and feelings show up, the more likely you are to feel stuck.
As you know, workable action is the way forward. You have the knowledge (that’s the easy part). Putting it all into practice is what counts (and is way harder)!
You already know from experience that resisting thoughts, feelings, and wakefulness doesn’t work. You want to practice the ACT approach that this course is aligned with. And, I wish you all the best as you continue to practice, learn, and move forward!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Janet and good on you for taking action and implementing a sleep window!
It sounds like you are doing really well with committing to a consistent out of bed time! I don’t think it’s counterintuitive to stay in bed for 30 minutes to do morning prayers and stretches — because you aren’t trying to make sleep happen, 30 minutes isn’t a whole lot of time, and it sounds as though those activities reflect your values and are things that matter to you.
On a side note, I would add that I typically suggest creating a sleep window based on how you’re sleeping on an average night over the past week or two — rather than the kind of sleep you get on the good/better nights. With that being said, if you feel comfortable with your current sleep window that’s just fine. You are the expert on yourself!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Jules and thanks for the great question! Eliminating medication suddenly after 9 years sounds hard. It might take some time to adapt to that change.
As for whether or not it’s “bad” to lie in bed on Saturday and Sunday even if you’re not sleeping, that’s a question only you can answer — because you are the expert on yourself and the life you want to live!
If you are lying in bed in an effort to make sleep happen and need to cancel plans and get to do less with your life because of that extra time in bed, perhaps it might be considered “bad” (or less workable).
If you are lying in bed because that feels good, reflects your values, and doesn’t get in the way of you moving toward the life you want to live, perhaps it’s not “bad” or unworkable.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are changing your relationship with sleep and moving away from an endless and exhausting struggle with it because of the actions you are taking.
You are not just accumulating knowledge and information. You are doing what matters most — you are putting it into practice.
Thank you for sharing what you are doing and what you’ve been learning from your actions! I wish you all the best as you continue to move forward 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Kim and welcome to the forum — it’s good to have you here 🙂
Like many others, you’ve tried a CBT-I approach and found it to be harsh and inflexible. It even seemed to create more difficulty. You aren’t alone! A CBT-I approach isn’t for everyone.
ACT-I is a newer approach to insomnia and it’s the focus of my paid six-week course. As you pointed out, it is often described as a gentler, kinder, more flexible — and more workable — way of dealing with insomnia and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come with it.
Your experience with medication is not unique or unusual. Many people find medication for sleep to be ineffective. Perhaps your experience is a reminder that sleep seems to be out of your direct control — and so the more you try to (understandably) make a certain amount or type of sleep happen, the more stuck you might feel.
I’m looking forward to having you on the course and seeing you in the client forums after the holiday!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Measuring progress by what you do each day and all the good things you notice and experience sounds like a more workable way forward compared to measuring progress based on how much sleep you might get from night to night!
It sounds like you also want to make a conscious effort to get up in the morning and get on with your day rather than choosing to sit there adding up how much sleep you got.
It’s natural and normal to want sleep to happen, even though the AWAKE exercise isn’t intended to make sleep happen. And, it’s OK to have thoughts about hoping sleep will happen!
As you suggested, a workable way of dealing with those thoughts might be acknowledging them and making space for them to come and go — rather than trying to resist them!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Molly!
There’s a possibility that diving back into the course temporarily increased your attention toward sleep and that, in turn, can lead to more monitoring for sleep and might make sleep more difficult in the short-term. There’s also a possibility that a warm evening might have made sleep more difficult.
Ultimately, there’s no way to know for sure what was behind a night (or nights) when sleep doesn’t happen as you might want it to. And, trying to figure that out when it’s not clear and obvious is a potential source of struggle — since sleep is out of your direct control anyway.
All human beings will experience nights when sleep doesn’t happen as they want it to happen — just as all human beings will experience days that don’t happen as they want them to.
You shared that you tried to practice the AWAKE exercise when you found yourself struggling. There is no need to get your mind still to get the practice in. It can be harder to focus, for sure, and when you notice your focus drifting you have the opportunity to kindly notice that and bring your focus back to the exercise, over and over.
The AWAKE exercise cannot make sleep happen. Your brain might tell you that it is supposed to — and that’s a thought you can acknowledge and allow to be present since it’s a thought. Nothing more, nothing less.
It sounds as though you might believe acceptance = no fear or difficult thoughts and feelings. That’s not the case.
Acceptance is about accepting you cannot control those things and that for as long as you try to resist, fight, or avoid them, they only gain more power and influence, get more difficult, and keep you struggling and feeling stuck.
Acceptance is also far easier said than done. It requires ongoing practice!
It’s good to know you are still able to acknowledge and give yourself credit for the progress you are making. You are noticing more resilience, your ability to continue doing things that matter, and your awareness of the good stuff that is still around you even when things are difficult.
It’s impossible to “undo” progress because progress is based on action and is supported by your experience. The only way you can move backwards is to permanently forget everything you’ve learned up to now and to deliberately commit to actions that you know only make things more difficult and keep you stuck.
You’re going through a difficult patch, Molly — and those patches can be really difficult. You’ve got through them before and you can get through them again.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You’ve noticed that even when good nights happen, anxiety still shows up — and that perhaps serves as a reminder than anxiety is a natural and normal human emotion that shows up independently of sleep.
As you continue to practice what you’re learning in the course and thanks to your supplementary reading, you are noticing that anxiety can show up without it consuming your energy and attention and without it having a huge amount of power and influence over you.
And that is the benefit that can come with acknowledgment, acceptance, opening up, and making space for anxiety — rather than resisting, battling, fighting, avoiding, and struggling with it!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the course 🙂
Your experience has taught you a lot and you are ready to move forward in a different way. I get the sense that you are committed to action and that you’ll get a lot out of the course.
I wish you all the best with it!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great question about whether or not you should go to bed before your sleep window begins if you fall asleep before 9:00 PM.
What guidance does your experience offer on this? When you go to bed before your sleep window, how does the night tend to go?
Is going to bed/falling asleep before 9:00 PM something that reflects the life you want to live and moves you closer to where you want to be?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sorry to hear that Doris — and thank you for raising this in the forum.
What, specifically, are you finding hard to understand about the sleep window? If you could share some specific questions, I’ll see what I can do to help!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
