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Hello Lin!
Ups and downs are a normal part of the journey — and what I will say is that it’s impossible to go backwards unless you experience permanent amnesia, forget your entire experience up to this point, and go back to battling and struggling and resisting all the stuff that’s out of your control every night and every day!
Since you know that sleep is out of your direct control, it might not be helpful to evaluate progress based on how much sleep you might or might to get from night to night. What might be some more useful markers of progress, do you think?
It’s easy to identify anxiety (or any other thought or feeling) as being a barrier to sleep — and that’s not the case, since the human brain is generating thoughts and feelings 24/7. What can raise a barrier to sleep is trying to fight or avoid those thoughts and feelings (or chasing after other “more positive” thoughts and feelings).
You are practicing the AWAKE exercise and breathing exercises when sleep isn’t happening. What is your intention when you practice those exercises?
Progress is different from person to person and is usually measured in months rather than weeks. You’re developing new skills and new skills take time, ups and downs, and ongoing practice!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Pretending that something isn’t important, when it actually feels important, might not be a workable strategy. It’s probably akin to suppressing thoughts — something that only makes them even more difficult. And, everyone has a hard time accepting difficult thoughts and feelings — it’s a skill that requires ongoing practice.
You don’t like getting out of bed when awake and you don’t like staying in bed when awake. Since you can only choose one of the two options, which feels even just slightly more appealing and workable and which option gives you a slightly better opportunity to practice experiencing wakefulness with even a tiny bit less struggle?
If you’re doing the AWAKE exercise in an effort to make sleep happen, it’s not going to do anything for you. The AWAKE exercise is intended to help you build skill in experiencing being awake (and experiencing all the thoughts and feelings that might be showing up) with less struggle. Being more of an observer rather than an opponent.
If you have that intention, it doesn’t matter if your mind tells you it’s a sleep effort. That’s a thought and thoughts aren’t always true. Only you know your true intention, and that’s what counts.
As you shared, it’s harder to commit to toward moves and to do things that matter when things are difficult and when they feel less enjoyable. What matters is that you are doing them — because not doing them only keeps you stuck. So, good on you for giving yourself credit for your commitment!
You’re also practicing the NOW exercise to help you refocus when difficult or distracting thoughts and feelings take you away from the present moment — and that is proving to be a useful skill to develop.
If we could control progress, there would be no such thing as struggle and no challenge in life. You can only control your actions — and your actions are what keep you making progress. For as long as you are dealing with all this difficult stuff in a workable way, you’re always going to be moving forward!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @e6512151 — since you mentioned that you are dealing with this postpartum, you might get something from the podcast episode with Lu:
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Things are really difficult for you right now.
It makes sense that you can’t stop thinking about sleep. I am yet to meet anyone who can permanently delete certain thoughts and feelings from their brains. Quite often, the more we try to do that (which is totally understandable) the more difficult those things become (and the more we struggle).
You understand that trying to control or chase after sleep isn’t a workable strategy. What are you doing — or what do you need to do — to put that understanding into practice?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are not alone. You are dealing with the insomnia struggle and that is hard. The Insomnia Coach podcast contains the stories of many others who were once in the same situation you find yourself in.
It sounds as though what you are doing right now isn’t working for you. What do you want to do differently?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I wish you all the best with it!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
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—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great question!
Let’s say your sleep window begins at 10:00 PM. From 10:00 PM you aren’t check the time until your sleep window ends. You might still have an awareness of the time, but you aren’t deliberately engaging in clock-watching during your sleep window.
Does that answer your question?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks to your willingness to experiment and play around with what’s shared in the course, you’ve been practicing the AWAKE exercise and found it helpful.
You’ve also found it beneficial to focus on trying to rest (an action that’s in your control) versus trying to sleep (something you cannot make happen through effort).
Paradoxical intention is another tool that can help you move away from putting effort into sleep and is something you are thinking about playing around with and seeing what you learn from it.
As you pointed out, the logic of what is shared in the course makes sense — and the brain can be stubborn to change! The only way to train your brain is to get in the reps. Get in the practice. Over and over again 🙂
With that in mind, it’s encouraging to know you are practicing patience and being kind to yourself as you make change happen!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @Johnb 🙂
I’d suggest basing a sleep window on how an average night has been over the past couple of weeks or so. Then, you can adjust it each week or two — if appropriate — based on how that week or two went.
Does this help bring some clarity to implementing a sleep window when sleep feels a bit erratic?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You have a powerful self-awareness and a real strength in honesty and self-reflection. By reflecting on your experience, you noticed that going to bed earlier than usual only seemed to set you up for more struggle — and it sounds like you have decided to make a change in response to that awareness.
Practicing a sleep window can be harder when you travel — in that situation it can be helpful to be mindful of why you are going to bed when you go to bed (are you chasing after sleep or are you going to bed because you are sleepy) and to be mindful of when you start your day (are you staying in bed later to chase after sleep or are you getting out of bed because it’s time to live your life and do what matters).
There are advantages to being flexible. Ultimately you know that chasing after sleep only makes it more difficult. The sleep window is simply a tool that’s intended to help you move away from chasing after sleep — it’s not the required, the best, or the only tool, though. Your own awareness of the intent behind your actions can be just as powerful!
I’ll also add that perhaps all the stuff you do when awake and traveling has far more influence over whether or not you live a rich and meaningful life compared to how you sleep when you travel!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are an action-taker and decided to experiment with making a change after acknowledging that your sleep window was too long.
It sounds like you feel your new sleep window is more appropriate compared to before — and that insight wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t make change happen, Bobbi!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you for sharing your honest experience and insights!
There’s so much value in what you shared. It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves when things are difficult — and that doesn’t usually help us a whole lot!
By being kind to yourself, continuing to do things that matter, and identifying every step of your journey as learning opportunities (rather than successes or failures) you have moved away from an ongoing struggle.
You practiced expanding the focus of your attention to help you be more present and to notice more of the good stuff around you, even when things were difficult. You moved forward with patience.
You’ve clearly learned a lot, and you’ve grown and taken a lot from your experience. I wish you all the best as you continue to move forward!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Marina!
It’s so easy to get pulled back into a struggle. Your awareness of when that might be happening is a strength since it gives you the opportunity to respond differently.
When your brain goes into overdrive it can feel as though you need to solve and fix. And you get to decide whether or not you try to solve and fix (and how you try to solve and fix).
You know from experience what a workable response looks like and what an unworkable response looks like. You have the experience, wisdom, and expertise within you!
Acceptance isn’t something that’s required for sleep to happen. It’s something to work toward. And, ultimately, acceptance is about recognizing what’s in your control and what’s not in your control — because when you try to control what’s out of your control (sleep, thoughts, feelings) you only end up stuck in the quicksand!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great question!
My six-week course actually focuses on how to move away from trying to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen and how to build skill in experiencing whatever sleep shows up (and whatever thoughts and feelings show up — day or night) in a way that doesn’t create more difficulty and struggle.
So, there is still energy and effort required — but it’s not being directed toward sleep. It’s being directed toward workable action.
The idea is this — the less we try to control sleep, the best opportunity it has to take care of itself. The less we try to control our minds, the best opportunity we have to live the life we want to live, no matter what thoughts and feelings show up.
In effect, all this stuff becomes more like water off a duck’s back. It no longer consumes our focus and attention. We get to live the life we want to live and sleep gets to take care of itself.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
