[groggy]

Hi Martin,

thank you!

I fully agree re the daytime naps – and I am working on them. I really hope this journal and the lovely atmosphere and support from fellow insomniacs here will help motivate me to really focus on my insomnia and to overcome as much of it as possible.

If I understood the info here correctly, you too have/ do suffer from insomnia. Do you find that people with a long history of insomnia like myself (28 years now) are able to change their sleeping patterns and overcome their insomnia, at least in part?

Or is it something that will always accompany you to some degree and you learn to manage it better and sort of keep it controlled – I guess similar to how a diabetic would maintain their blood sugar levels?

Thanks for the feedback!

🙂

Groggy

[groggy]

Sorry, that should have read “that you have suffered (ie in the past) or do suffer (still) from insomnia…”

So tired I can't write proper sentences…. 😮

[Martin Reed]

I went through a short term period of insomnia but was able to overcome it. That being said, I still suffer from the odd bout of sleeplessness, but not enough for me to refer to myself as an insomniac.

I absolutely believe it's possible to improve the quality of your sleep regardless of how long you've been suffering from sleep deprivation. Keep at it and don't give up.

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Clarity program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[groggy]

Cool thanks 🙂

I'm not really expecting a “cure” for it, I guess.

Even an improvement of 50% would be a good result… and I do think that that is a feasible target to reach…

[groggy]

I'm getting bleary now…

But I managed to get through the whole day without a nap…!

Thanks to being part of this forum, I can now view that as the accomplishment that it is…!

I don't have to compare myself to non-insomniac friends who think that “staying awake an entire day” is so normal that it's not worthy of comment…

It's 8:30 pm here now and a friend is planning to drop by in about half an hour. Not sure how I can summon the energy to have a good time with her… Thankfully she's only popping round for a quick visit, but to be honest, I wouldn't mind if she ended up cancelling… Which is such a shame, because I've not seen her in a few weeks and was really looking forward to seeing her again. Damned insomnia!!

Ooh, my boyfriend's just come home… more chatting to do!

[groggy]

Okay, I have now officially passed into the “babbling idiot” phase of this bout of insomnia… Inane outpourings are my specialty right now….

Although I've been brutally tired all day, I'm now (almost) wide awake again, at 11:40 pm, at bed time…

First of all, I want to tell you that I named my Insomnia a few years ago. She is called Scrumble. And I decided she looks like a Muppet.

This is her:

[groggy]

And then, yesterday, as I couldn't sleep and was trying to analyse why not, I noticed that it may have something to do with my being somewhat of a control-freak sometimes…

What I don't like is going to bed at night, feeling relatively composed, clear-headed, focused etc… and then waking up, say 8 hours later, a confused, groggy, dazed, mumbling, disoriented mess, who can't focus, work out what to do, or how to feel.

I HATE that change happening…

And I guess that in the evenings, I feel so “together” because I've been practising self-control all day, concentrating, focussing…

And at night, all that self-control just “lets go”, it disappears and I turn into this vague notion, someone with all the bizarre and elusive notions contained in our dreams, a conglomerate of instincts, feelings, random thoughts…

And in the mornings I feel like my “personality” has exploded over night and I have to pick up all the little bits and pieces and stick myself back together again, like a little puzzle to be solved each morning. It takes me at least til noon every day, to have truly regained a sense of identity, focus and purpose…

So yesterday, realising that it freaked me out that a spell of sleep has such a “changing” affect on me, I was trying to come up with a more comforting metaphor for sleep for myself…

And I came up with a “sleep train”… Basically a train with those sleeper waggons (alongside normal waggons and a restaurant car) that you can sleep in on long night journeys, if you've booked one (which I have done, in the past, they are quite cool).

And I've decided that this train (for whatever reason) does a round-trip each night.

At 8pm it's check in time and you need to do things like check in your luggage etc.

Then, the train leaves at 10pm and you can do whatever you want – sleep in the bunk in your cabin or stay up in the sitting waggons or in the restaurant car all night, or half the night…

And this train does it's round trip and pulls back into the same station it started from in the morning.

And this time window, where the train is doing it's journey – that is my “potential sleep time”… if I decide to squander it by staying up and reading a book in the restaurant car – well, that is my decision – but it doesn't mean the train's journey gets extended, so as to allow me to catch up on some extra sleep.

If I spend the whole journey awake, then that's my tough luck.

I like the concept of this sleep train, because for me, like for many insomniacs, the bed and bedroom have become anxiety-frought and connected with the pressure of “having to sleep”… I find it so much easier to sleep in “alternative” places like a sofa/ couch…

So sleeping in a sleeper train is like one of those “exceptions”. And I also like the idea of it having a sort of “room service” – of having crisp hotel-style sheets made up on the bed by a porter or maid and just being able to slip into this neutral, comfy bed and know that I have no responsibilities to see to on this train, I am just a paying customer and I can zone out, cos there's nothing I can “do” until the train reaches my home town again in the morning…

[Tired Ted]

Wowie Groggy . . . What a turn around from early this morning – WELL DONE !

I am so proud of you for getting through the day, enjoying it and being able to recognise how well you did and what a lovely warm feeling that gives. I celebrated your success with a man size G&T but fell asleep half way through it so I am recycling it as we speak !

Love the new name . . . Teddy is much more appropriate as I am a girlie girl . . . well at least I was 20 years ago . . . bit of a insomnia induced saggy eyed old girl these days . . . but girlie all the same !

How did your friends visit go . . . did you manage to sparkle, or at least stay awake ? I recently fell asleep on a friend on the telephone ( ended up snoring ! ) and she was a bit upset . . . well the conversation was about her and everyone knows I am more of a ME, ME, ME girl ! Hey . . . I have found another positive of insomnia !

Sorry I didnt reply earlier but my lovely partner came home and he likes all of my attention . . . Especially In the brief minutes I am awake in his awake time ! I was pleasantly snoozie so I fell asleep on the sofa for c 3 hours and don't feel a bit guilty about it thanks to Martins wise words. I have woken up now and would go to bed but I am letting my gorgeous man have a go in the ' big bye bo's ' ( our pet name for the BIG COMFTY BED we both fight over ! ) He really is thoughtful and goes in the spare roon ( now affectionately known as his room ) so that I can spread out and meditate as required . . . the real reason is because I snore !

Can you imagine a snoring insomniac . . . I even snore when I think I am awake . . . I say think I am awake because I am aware of my surroundings and can hear my man snoring ( even though he doesn't snore – his words ! ) yet I dont hear myself snore so perhaps I have lost sight of what is sleep and what is not . . . Alternatively perhaps I am hearing myself snore on another plain – way too deep at this time of the morning, even for an insomniac ! My new way of thinking is perhaps I have spent too many hours analysing not sleeping to be able to get to sleep !

Oh well, I will close now as Teddy has a few emails to reply to before beddy bye bo's and kicking him indoors out of the comfty bed and into his micro room.

Nighty night and here's hoping for a few hours sleep, in the right place and in the right part of the day. No number of hours sleep mentioned and and no problem if not as I have got my cake decoration pattern all cut out and the icing ready to roll so don't worry if you won't let me sleep insomnia . . . I have a better offer anyway !!

Speak to you in the wee small ( not so dark ) hours, or when I get up . . . should sleep set in unexpectedly !

Your Pal Tired Teddy x

[Tired Ted]

Love your last posts . . . What a great idea naming your insomnia is . . . I am most impressed that you gave it such a soft, cuddly name and image.

Think I will name my insomnia and pick an image for it . . . I am anticipating a much spikier name, possibly in CAPITAL LETTERS and perhaps a dart board, or punch bag for the image ! You know what is going to happen now . . . I won't be able to sleep with excitement of picking a name . . . and then fear of forgetting it by the morning because of my menopawsal memory loss ! Yes, I know I have spelt menopawsal wrong but it looks and feels less aggressive spelt this way !

Why don't you start a new thread entitled something like how would you name your insomnia . . . Could be fun and very enlightening when we see the names our fellow insomniacs pick . . . I love the You Know You Need More Sleep When . . . Thread and I think laughing together about this inconvenient problem helps.

The train analogy was inspired . . . Think I will try the Orient Express tonight as like you I do looooove luxury and think I might go all the way to Venice . . . Not sure I will feel like a return journey this morning though as I love Venice and it deserves so much more than a flying visit !

[groggy]

Hi Teddy,

what a cute post! 🙂

I had just logged on to write that I've now entered the “dismal, depressed, anxious, crying” phase of my sleeplessness, but now I'm having to smile despite myself cos you've described that in such a lovely way!

I feel a bit daft now, if I ramble on about my “misery”… I guess I just had this giant wave of emotion gush over me of “I am so tired, there is so much I didn't get done (yet again) and tomorrow I will be even tireder and get even less done…” – I guess it's called catastrophising… and sleeplessness is sure something that often triggers that in me.

I'm stuck in a really stupid place insomnia-wise now – I'm too awake to sleep, yet too badly tired to get up and do *anything* (I think – or is that me feeling sorry for myself?) But seriously, I think if I was to go into the kitchen, for example, I would lie down on the floor and cry.

On a positive note, this forum is giving me the chance to truly “sit with” my insomnia. I've never been able to carry that off, all by myself so far. So this is a great help. It's interesting (for me, at least!) to note the different phases I'm going through with it, for example… I can identify them as such at the moment, whereas in the past it's just felt like an emotional rollercoaster with me hanging on for dear life and trying not to puke, so to say…

Ugh, don't really know what is the point of posting this, except that it has helped to make my panicky moment pass (tho probably more thanks to Teddy's cute post…)

[groggy]

Haha, yes well, I feel like my insomnia is this annoying little monster saying “Let's play. Let's chat. Let's watch some TV. Let's go and make a midnight snack….”

Often I don't mind my insomnia *that* much (the not sleeping) I often give into it and read or find something entertaining to do. In theory I don't mind staying up all the time, if I didn't get so TIRED.

So yeah, I guess to me it's just a *little* monster, not a sinister one…

[groggy]

Ach, just got Martin's Day3 Mail… Oops, I guess he was reading my mind then… :huh:

[Tired Ted]

Keep going girl . . . We can do it . . . Not quite sure what ' IT ' is and I am not prepared to formalise ' IT ' so that I don't get disappointed if I don't make it . . . Flipping heck . . . Think I need sleep as I am rambling away . . . but nothing new there !

Please don't get angry et al with yourself as you have done so well today . . . Easy to say when I am in a positive phase ( well at the moment anyway ) but remember . . . You only need a few small steps to make a big change and it takes at least a month for your body ( and mind ) to get used to a new routine and we are almost going cold turkey as we are still in the very early stages remember.

Let's make a pact to not berate ourselves if we can't get to sleep and celebrate when things go well . . . Just like today did for you.

I am now talking to insomnia ( OMG! ) and making plans for when I can't sleep each night. My theory ( it is really hope, but don't tell insomnia that ) is that if I have a plan of attack for when insomnia kicks in, getting up won't bother me and insomnia will get fed up of keeping me awake before I do !

Chin up . . . Eyes closed ( but only if they want to ) . . . This is Tired Ted over and out for tonight ( ooops, didn't realise it was morning already ) as the big COMFTY bye bo's has just been vacated by a very special man for his really Tired Teddy x

[groggy]

Haha, that's cool!

Not sure I can do a MONTH of this… cripes…

I'm about to give up on sleep for the night, I think… It doesn't feel like it's happening…

I'm in a calm phase right now… as if I don't have a care in the world… Weird what a lot of up-and-down this tiredness entails.

I'm driving myself a bit nuts tho… and I hope not many ppl are bothering to read my sleep-deprived drivvel… That would be a bit embarassing and then I would feel like I need to raise my standard here… but am entirely unable to do so, haha.

Ah well, this is labelled a Journal, so I guess everyone reads a journal at their own peril 😉

I wonder if I do a post every 10 minutes from now, how many posts I will have written by sunrise….. OH DEAR!!!! (Sorry Martin, I hope this is not hogging too many bits or bytes or kilobytes)

So, now that I'm even more wide awake than at midnight and no longer feeling upset, I am considering getting up and doing something after all.

I wonder tho, how I will not get frustrated at everything being done in slow motion, 10 times a slowly as usual and me being too ditzy to work out the simplest things… I am used to being able to handle things efficiently and well when I'm not so tired, so I think I lose patience with myself when in this insomniac state… It seems so BOOOOOORING and mind-numbingly futile to spend an hour doing something I would otherwise get done in 10 minutes… Well, I will try and see how I go.

Apologies Teddy and Martin and anyone else putting themselves through reading this, that I've slipped into self-pity and being down… I don't suppose it will last for ever, so more positive posts to follow tomorrow, maybe…

[groggy]

So if I'm understanding Martin's mails correctly (and with my non-functioning brain there is a good chance I'm not tho) I can pretty much let whatever happens at night happen… and my focus needs to be on my days, making sure I don't nap there…

Not sure if there's anything I should be avoiding at night… things that are considered sleep-unfriendly? Tho things like letting some boring documentary run on TV or leaving a lamp on is very soothing for me and *helps* me sleep – so I'm not even sure if there's such an objective way of determining what's sleep-unfriendly to whom… There are studies, I guess, that show what works for the average person… but if I'm not similar enough to the average person then those things might not work for me anyway…

I guess it would be a relief not to pressure myself at night… Then at least my nights would be relatively hassle-free, which would leave me better equipped to deal with the day's stressors…

I'm thinking this does maybe entail that I have a disposition to insomnia in some way… just as a diabetic has to blood sugar issues…

I've never truly dealt with my tiredness during the day tho. Rather just gotten emotional and stressed and wished it would stop and go away.

I can't really imagine what my life and I would be like if I were to accept my tiredness and try to live a good life despite it.

What I know is that the day will often seem to crawl and that I will get bouts of exhaustion, helplessness, teariness, and feeling unbearably miserable.

Wherever possible, I seek means of escape whenever that happens… and sometimes sleep is an option of escaping.

So maybe I'm just scared of the bevvy of painful emotions that tiredness and lack of sleep bring with them. Including the utter helplessness of knowing that an exhausted, sleep-deprived mind is hardly able to cope with them… and that they feel extra scary cos I'm not able to put up any defenses…

Yeah, I think that might be the right train of thought. That the (approximately hourly) flare ups of negative emotion that happen on days with sleep-deprivation, are what I need most to learn how to deal with. And helplessness is a big issue with these flare ups. These emotions are so strong and I feel so weak due to the tiredness, that I basically just look for some place to flee, I try to run and hide… instinct, I guess.

At the moment I can't really conceive of a way of dealing with them. But seeing as they are the main side-effect of my insomnia, I guess I will start by posting about them, when they happen tomorrow or the next days. I guess then I will learn in-vivo what is going on with them and what my line of defence could be.

I get migraines too, and I have a sort of “toolbox” – a checklist, really, of techniques and tricks that help soothe my migraines and lessen their intensity. I guess I will need to find some similar methods for dealing with these attacks of negative emotion/ helplessness/ extreme tiredness.

Maybe crawling under the covers to have a sook is still an option – but with the difference of setting a timer for say 20 minutes… So that I don't get stuck there, feeling sorry for myself and seeking even more escape in a nap.

I will post more about this tomorrow. I'm hitting a *mildly* sleepy patch right now…

[Author]

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