[Tired Ted]

Please don't ever apologise for saying how you feel . . . Better out than in and that is why we join a forum like this . . . Let's face it if a non-insomniac is reading our posts their life must be sadder than ours ! Someone out there may get great comfort from the fact that they are not the only one whose mind goes at 100 miles an hour through a very dark and lonely night.

Dont worry what others think about your posts as you are worrying about more than enough already.

I will give you 2 options – who turned me into Martin ?

Number 1 : remember that people will only read what they want to read and people on here are looking for help, or reassurance that they are not going crazy . . . Not sure that your posts will help with that ( only joking Grogz ! )

Number 2 : rather than post formally for the world to see . . . send me private messages and we can drivel away in private, which will at least save 2 men with white coats a job this week ! We can still be part of the wider community and formally post any hints / tips and wise words to the world, should any come to us !

Can't remember which email it was ( could be the one you get today ) but Martin will advise you to get up if you are not able to sleep – apols for letting the cat out of the bag Martin but I do think it will help Groggy.

The best advice I can give is ' Heigh Ho . . . Go With The Flow ' . . . Do what your body tells you ( for now ) and don't worry how long it takes, or what part of the day it is.

On a positive note ( starting to feel like Mother Teresa now ! ) if something takes an hour, instead of 10 minutes that is an hour out of insomnia land . . . The nightmare that is lack of sleep, not this wonderful life line of course !

Why don't you try my plan of having a project or activity planned for whenever you can't sleep and have to get up – I do appreciate that thinking of 365 activities is not easy but isnt that why the internet was invented ! I am very proud to say that I didn't get to ice my cake in the early hours because I was doing what I should be doing in the bedroom ! – ROUND 1 to me insomnia ! We could spin the frustration of not sleeping on its head and count it in terms of projects which did not get started or completed early doors ?

That said I was disappointed ( not angry, or frustrated ) with my night and I felt it was disturbed at the time but I was surprised when it was 5 am so it wasn't as disturbed as I thought then !

I decided to listen to a relaxing app at some dark unearthly hour . . . The downside of no clock but as Martin said . . . What does it matter if your alarm clock is set. I was in that awful insomnoquap ( my own diagnosis ) where my eyes were too awake to keep closed but not awake enough to open and I struggled to get my earphones in and keep them in. I got a wee bit vexed but then gave up fighting and next thing there was silence so I was obviously so relaxed I bobed off – YEAH !

Right . . . I am getting up now as I have an awful day ahead as I am being assessed by my workplace Physcian to see if I have a mental health problem which can be treated ! Extremely disappointed with work for this, given the tottering time I have had getting a diagnosis and treatment plan . . . Not to mention the pain and insomnia.

Note – no anger . . . as anger will upset me . . . I have therefore bounced it back to the nincompoop who referred me for the assessment as let's face it, nobody likes to think someone else is disappointed in them. Wey Hey . . . My glass isnt half full . . . it is overflowing !

Better close now as I have a sneaky feeling the man with my white coat has just set off to come and get me and I need to be sane today, well as sane as an insomniac can be anyway !

Take care, be kind to yourself and remember small steps . . . with the encouragement of your Pal Teddy.

TT x

[groggy]

Apologies for getting so down in the dumps yesterday…

My sleepy patch at 4:30am ended up doing it's trick and I fell into a restful, soothing slumber.

I woke up at 10:20am (seems I didn' hear my alarm – I had set only one of them today) – so that's 6 whole hours of restful sleep. Lovely.

I'm feeling much better today.

I stil feel drowsy and tired tho, so the day is going to be a challenge – with those occasional rough patches of getting over-emotional and miserable.

So I will try and catch them and see what they're about and work out how to soothe myself when they strike.

Thank you for allowing me the room to have written here last night. I know that it was boring, confused, tired rambles – but it was valuable for me to have a place to write about it – it's different to just having this stuff go round and round in your head for hours on end.

Wishing all a constructive, easy day

Groggy

[groggy]

Hi Teddy,

your post just came through – telling me not to apologise, which is the first thing I did in my post above – so, haha, well done, you read my mind too!

Thanks for the words of encouragement and comfort. That's so sweet. How lovely for you to have the energy to write that, after a night of non-perfect sleep yourself.

I think I'm generally not too harsh on myself – I guess I just find it embarassing to post my most boring, self-pitying, inane drivvel here, in the middle of a sleepless night… But my thinking is, that unless I get some of this stuff *out* (of my head, by voicing it) for a change, then it's going to stay with me for many more years of insomnia to look forward to…

So I'm trying to see this as a therapeutic task…. Get all my ridiculous, boring, repetitive night-time anxieties out of the way, in order to move on to better, more meaningful things… So I'm hoping by posting my midnight misery, I'm going to be able to leave it behind and move beyond it.

So this is not just me venting and whining ad nauseum… rather, I hope it's an ugly looking phase in an otherwise constructive process.

Anyway, I think I'm too *groggy* still to write more for now.

Love your sense of humor Teddy

I hope that mean medical goes well – please let us know, if you're feeling like sharing it.

XXX

Groggy

[groggy]

Ugh, bit embarassed to admit this, but I just accidentally had a 2 hour nap on the sofa/ couch.

I'm a bit divided now as to whether to feel a) good, for having gotten a nice snooze, 😎 annoyed and disappointed that I didn't manage to effectively prevent this happening and c) sad that it was just 2 hours, because right now I feel like I could use another 10….!

So this is me, in another “challenging moment” during the day. I'm feeling sleepy, sooky and a bit cold (which is why snuggling under a blanket here is sooo nice right now). I'm VERY VERY tempted to continue napping, even though I know it's not what I'd promised myself I would do.

Last night, just before drifting off to sleep, I thought “Oh my god, during the day, I use sleep the way an alcoholic uses alcohol – when I can, I *abuse* sleep as a way of escaping from painful feelings…” and then I realised that this is pretty much what I do at night too – I think what I WANT to happen is that after a day that has left me (emotionally) exhausted, I want sleep to kick in so that I have relief, so that somone “switches my day off” (God, I sound like Michael Jackson and his Propofol… – I wonder whether his insomnia was a big issue on insomnia forums around the world, when those details came in the news…?)

Anyway, I think that at night, instead of allowing SLEEPINESS to drift me off to sleep, I let things like exhaustion, grumpiness, feeling worn out, wanting the world to go away for a while, wanting some peace and quiet, etc. make me think that sleep is the solution…

So I lie in bed, CRAVING sleep… but for all the wrong reasons!

I was pretty shocked when I realised this yesterday.

Even though, when my boyfriend has seen me looking exhausted in the evenings and suggested “Why don't you go to bed?” I have so often explained “I'm tired, but not *sleepy* – that's a big difference”… and that should've made me realise why the difference is so significant sooner, I still didn't clue into it, until I went through my insomniac stress and ranting last night and read Martin's Day3 email… Only then did the connection fall into place in my head.

So yes, I think I'm someone who misuses sleep. (Which sounds awful, but I swear that I never realised that feeling exhausted was not the same as feeling sleepy… to my naive mind, exhaustion seemed like the perfect reason to sleep!!!)

So that shocked me a bit, because it means that my insomnia and sleep issues go deeper than I had thought and because I thought “How on earth am I going to change a habit like that????” Because exhaustion does a pretty good show of convincing myself that what I want/ need/ crave is SLEEP…

So I'm going to have to think about this… Am going to have to try and find some approaches to this, that might work.

XXX Groggy

[Tired Ted]

Don't ever be embarrassed by sleep . . . Sleep is sleep, whenever and wherever.

Just been for a fantastic meal with my special man . . . to our favourite Italian and we had the best lamb EVER !

We had 2 bottles of wine so my post may not be quite as lucid as my usual !

My mental health assessment seemed to go okay but I will reserve my judgement until the report comes in ! Think I passed the test but who knows . . . Th e main thin I know I have been done wrong and I have the Equality Act to back me up.

My man and I are currently debating on whose turn it is for the bye bo's and I seem to be losing !

Think I will bob off on the settee and report better later !

Really,really Tired Teddy x

[groggy]

Hi Tired Teddy

I am glad that your medical appears to have gone okay. Stick to your guns on this issue – don't let them treat you crap!

You and your fellow sound really nice and fun – how brilliant of you to have such postive energy, despite insomnia issues.

I'm not sure if I can follow your advice re not being embarassed about sleep issues… I'm sure I will get there, but at the moment I do still think “Cripes, how embarassing!!”

Especially what happened today…. (cringe)… After waking up from a 2 hour nap just before 3pm, I felt SO sooky and tired from the last few (almost) sleepless nights, that I fell asleep AGAIN. I had made a good effort of doing a self-compassion meditation for half an hour (there are some really great guided ones you can google by Kristen Neff) and had even set the timer for 30 minutes… and while I started off well, I fell asleep during it, didn't hear the timer and slept through til 7pm, when my boyfriend came home and woke me for dinner.

But I AM working on this! It's 1) babysteps and 2) sometimes two babysteps forward, one babystep back…

Despite having had so much sleep during the day today (I work freelance from home and until the first contract job for the new year comes in I'm still on “holidays” and just doing some office work/ accounting/ filing etc…) I'm still feeling ready for another 10 hours of sleep tonight and am already in bed at 9:30pm…

I will just quickly check Martin's email for the day and then try turning in for the night… If I am sleepy, I will doze off and if I am “just” exhausted, then I will do some self-compassion meditations to adress that issue…

Thanks for hearing me and for your kind thoughts.

Thinking of you and our fellow insomniacs out there.

Sweet dreams everyone

Groggy

[groggy]

Ach, Teddy, guess who's awake….?

Yeah, not surprisingly after today's nap-marathon, it's me…

I've been resting (which is what I've decided to do when exhausted and in bed but sleep is not happening) but after doing that (and listening to some music and some guided meditations) I've decided to get up, after 5 hours of rest.

I had been thinking about getting up earlier to do something (anything!) but I couldn't think of anything fun… my brain just kept coming up with “work” tasks along the lines of “wouldn't it be great if you got that done, then you could tick it off your to-do list…” and somehow, getting up to do work just felt the opposite of tempting!!

So now I just remembered that I had recently ordered some material on-line which I want to use to sew a purse/ wallet custom-made to my notion of what I need a purse to have and what not… Sewing all those different compartments for coins, notes, credit cards, membership cards etc etc is going to be damned complicated, so I don't know how well I'm going to do with this, in the middle of the night!!!

But at least it's not tasks like “do the dishes”, “sort out the recycling”, “do the tax return”, etc!!

I'm happy that I'm not stressing at least…

Talk later…

Groggy

[Tired Ted]

Hi Groggy

Well that post was positive and if you reread it when you are fully awake ( I know . . . when is an insomniac ever fully awake ! ) I think you will see how well you are doing. You said you feel like one baby step forward, or 2 babysteps forward and one back . . . That still equals at least 1 baby step forward each time in my book so celebrate your success and WELL DONE !

I do totally agree with your theory of getting it out off your head and on paper, or cyber-space as at least you can sort of forget about it then. I waste loads of trees typing notes and printing them out and I then file them under Forget About It and it is always there if I need to reread it. This file is in a difficult draw to get in so I have to really want to read it, to go to the hassle of getting in the draw !

I think you are analysing sleep and lack of it too much ( a comment . . . not a critism ) and this is stopping you getting the restful sleep you need. How about instead of being frustrated, or embarrassed when you snooze during the day you just think OOOPS ! and I will start my new regime again tomorrow. I have dieted without success all my life, as my body will testify ! and the main reason I have so little success with it is because I get angry when I fall off the wagon and wait until Monday to start again. I then spend every day until Monday over eating to compensate / cheer me up !!!!! This year,rather than starting a radical diet on 1 Jan ( as usual ! )I have just tried to eat sensibly this week and then start the diet proper this coming Monday. Now all that said I have to say I have failed miserably but that is because of the stress of going back to work when they have treated me so badly and the added anxiety of a MH assessment today, plus the insomnia induced munchies of course but I am not embarrassed about it, or angry. It has happened, I understand why and I will get back on the bike Monday . . . Hopefully !

I will have to do something as I go for my first wedding dress fitting a week today and I did say I was trying to lose weight when I was measured, which is very embarrassing but there is a reason for it and all the feeling embarrassed / angry in the world won't change the fact that I have put weight on, rather than taken it off as projected !!! Think I will use the Ovarian Entrapment Syndrome card to say my tummy and boobs have swollen as well as my fingers / hands and ankles because of the hormone injections . . . I will never get to heaven will I !

I am going to close now as I am disappointed that I have over stimulated myself and am not as tired as I was when I first woke up and could have rolled over and back to sleep – SILLY TIRED TEDDY ! I think the alcohol ( forgot to mention I had also 2 INDUSTRIAL SIZE G&T's ) and stress of today are also adding to my sleep problem tonight so that's it compartmentalised and filed under Not Tonight Josephine ! Think I will see if there is a sleeper car available on the Orient Express and hope I get to Venice !

Before I go I will leave you with a really funny story . . . Well it made me laugh anyway ! I have told you previously that my man and I take shifts in the COMFTY bye bo's and it is ONE IN . . . ONE OUT but early this morning was soooo funny. We were like one of those Swiss Clocks where the lady comes out and the man goes in because we were both soooo sleepy and the doors to our rooms are quite close together !

Hope you have a reasonable nights sleep and just file it under Oh Dear and start again tomorrow if not, anything else will just make you mad with yourself, which will stop you sleeping . . . Vicious, very familiar circle, me thinks !

Yours from Virtual Slumberland . . .

Flipping Awake Tired Teddy uuuuummmmmmm

PS One tip I picked up from the doc was that years ago ( just short of the dark ages I think ! ) people didn't sleep through the night like Normal people do today and they used to get up in the night and do things, then go to sleep when they were tired . . . So we are NORMAL . . . just 12 million years ago normal – slight exageration here but that is me all over Rover !

[Tired Ted]

WELL DONE YOU . . . That is at least 2 big steps today . . . Add them to the list and celebrate.

What a great idea making a purse, don't worry about how long it takes, just enjoy it and you will have to load some pics of it when you have finished.

CONGRATULATIONS on being so positive about not sleeping and getting up to do something, rather than get frustrated and toss and turn for hours. Dont be mad with yourself if you have to snooze tomorrow . . . You have to get sleep somewhere and for the moment lets concentrate on getting enough sleep for our bodies to function and then try to get our sleep up in the right part of the day, once our bodies are topped up with sleep, or rest.

Ciao for now x

[groggy]

Hey Teddy,

we should get creative, if your insomnia sticks around (God forbid), and start an “Etsy” shop and become creative insomnia entrepreneurs and make millions with the crafts we produce in the wee hours… hahaha 😮

[groggy]

This is the material I'm using for my purse, btw…

It's that Mexian celebration of the Day of the Dead (Día de los Muertos)

[img]http://s31.dawandastatic.com/Product2/37534/37534445/long/1352315268-962.jpg?20121124091119[/img]

[Tired Ted]

Works for me . . . Shall we call our new enterprise Insomia Inc !

I really want to ice my cake but want to sleep more so it will have to wait – ROUND 2 to me INSOMNIA ! I would have been asleep by now were it not for email / Facebook and Insomnia Land . . . Not complaining as they are really valuable lifelines and it is nice to spend a couple of hours catching up with friends.

At least it is Saturday and I can snooze if I want to . . . and let me tell you I will be having a very decadent, guilt free snooze mid afternoon . . . as is my usual treat on a weekend !

Over and out . . . Sleep is calling . . . Keep working . . . Remember we have millions to make . . . I have nominated myself as a sleeping partner in our new enterprise !!!!!

[groggy]

Yes!! I was thinking Insomnia Productions – so “snap!!!” Our motto could be “Products made with love. And without sleep.”

We could get fellow insomniacs on board! (Cos I'm too slow to produce much myself…!) My best friend has a form of insomnia where she can fall asleep fine, but she wakes up at 4am or 5am, panicking about the day ahead… I could ask her and other friends if they want to join in…

And I love the idea of “sleeping partner” – you crack me up!!

Sweet dreams Teddy!

[Tired Ted]

Good to know my Insomnia Nights are not wasted !

Love our new motto and yes . . . great idea . . . let's get some little wood gnomes in to do all the work while we rake in the profits and snooze . . . Now that is what I call Enterprise !

Here's another idea . . . We could open a Sleep School . . . At least we would make use of our sleepless nights by observing our clients and we could then ” officially ” sleep during the day because we work nights . . . Result !

[Tired Ted]

I wanted to put a few little Keep Calm posters I created in the wee small hours one Insomnia Night on here but can't find a way of doing it.

I have tried cutting and pasting and attaching a file but got ” Upload Skipped (This file was too big to upload) “

How did you do it Groggy?

[Author]

Posts