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All insomnia problems are the same. Everyone’s insomnia is the same. You are completely discounting the possiblity of change. Change happens all the time. Your cells renew all the time so everything can reset, including your sleep system. It is robust enough to survive anything including nights of not sleeping and all kinds of stress you find yourself in, including extreme stress over poor sleep.
Try not to focus too much on sleep at this time. Enjoy the other aspects of going to bed. Getting comfortable in a comfortable bed and snuggling under the comfortable sheets. Having a roof over your head. Living in a safe home in a safe neighborhood with caring neighbors and family. These are aspects all insomniacs ignore because they are overly focused on one aspect: sleep, sleep, sleep. Leave it alone and your insomnia will leave you alone. Don’t chase it, let it chase you!
Your sleep system will reset when you consistently keep to a regular bedtime schedule. Start feeling the joy of feeling sleepy again. You will begin nodding off sometime before bedtime or anytime during the day. Don’t be alarmed, this is a sure-fire sign your sleep system is working perfectly. As you sleep better, you will start waking up more as well, don’t be alarmed either, this is another sure-fire sign of sleeping well. In the end, stop focusing obsessively on sleep and you will recover. Be patient, don’t set a target or deadline. It will work itself out, just trust the process. Have you any idea how your body makes you sleepy or fall asleep?? What, how, when and why. Can you give comprehensive answer how sleep works? If you can’t, then why are taking on the heavy responsibility of micro managing it when you have next to no idea how it works? In the end, everyone will have to leave it alone because nobody can or ever control it anyway!
Do not believe what your mind is telling you. This is what everyone who recovered eventually found out. Your mind is only trying to keep you safe and thinks poor sleep is bad and extremely dangerous, the narrative your mind keeps presenting to you, is like you are trying to sleep inside a lion’s den, but it is not! So in a way, insomnia is a state of confusion where your mind cannot tell between a real and perceived threat (but the perceived threat is actually safe and just a false alarm) Because you are sleeping in perhaps the safest place in the world, in your own bed in your own home and surrounded by people who love and cherish you.
You and indeed many people can break out of this cycle often by slowly disbelieving what your monkey mind keeps telling you. This is often called creating a distance between you and your own thoughts. Eventually, you don’t take them seriously anymore, you just let them flow away like leaves being carried away by currents in a stream, as thoughts and feelings are temporary in nature, and they change all the time so it’s never productive to keep entertaining them. Eventually, you settle down and accept these unhelpful thoughts as your mind pinging you with useless crap and you are no longer afraid of them. You might even laugh at yourself at the end of this!
Sleep is independent of thoughts. You can think about anything or be scared of anything or take meds but sleep will always happen in the end. Sleep only responds to routine not thoughts or efforts. Getting into and out of bed at regular times is all you need to beat insomnia. And consistency plus discipline remains key. Instead of seeking to keep running away from the discomfort, go the other way and actually get comfortable with any discomfort. If you do these steps, slowly but surely, there is almost no way you won’t recover because millions have. Slowly leaving this state of fear and confusion will inevitably lead to liberation and recovery. Good luck.
Hello and welcome
That is a very subjective question. Recovery often has a personality factor involved, ie, your personality plays a role, how you view certain things. Do you always tend to be on negative side, ie, always taking the bad views or are you more of an optimistic person?
But basically, a typical journey is kinda like:
1. You become more and more convinced nothing is wrong with your sleep.
2. You start accepting whatever sleep you get. Any sleep, even zero sleep due to a disruption which is normal in life and often temporary, is normal sleep.
3. You begin normalizing every feeling, thought or sensation, no matter how unpleasant they seem. Those thoughts or feelings are still the same, but how you view them changes with time. You start becoming comfortable with discomfort and no longer try to fight or avoid it.But at the end of the day, sleep is simple. There is nothing to figure out and nothing to fix. It often happens with a complete lack of effort (trying less). On the contrary, it does not respond to efforts (and therefore cannot be controlled consciously) but the only thing that tends to influence it is routine. Things like getting into and out of bed at regular times, eating at regular times, having appropriate light exposure at appropriate times etc. These things affect your circadian rhythm and sleep is a part of it.
I hope you find your way to peaceful rest soon.
Hello Sleep and everyone
It’s important to realize that worrying about anything, including sleep, doesn’t actually cause insomnia. Because people usually develop insomnia from zero worry about sleep to recovering from it, even when worrying about it. The body processes every thought or worry in exactly the same way, so you could worry about work, family or anything else including sleep and still sleep well. It doesn’t matter what the aggravating factor is, your body will do what it needs to do and that includes breathing, drinking, eating, peeing, pooping and yes, sleeping too.
Recovering from insomnia is kinda like riding a rollercoaster. It’s extremely exciting perhaps fearful the first time which is normal, but when you keep doing it, which is what exactly anyone would do in regards to sleeping, you become accustomed to it, you just begin normalizing every thought or feeling, no matter how unpleasant they are and feelings or thoughts are always inherently safe, you begin accepting them as normal and you think less and less about them until you completely forgot how unpleasant and uneasy they used to make you feel.
Hello there!
There is nothing to “recover” from actually. The struggle continues mainly because of the rigid conditions you set for yourself, for example,
1. Napping is strictly forbidden because night time sleep MUST be protected, at all costs.
2. Only night time sleep is allowed and “normal”. Sleeping at other times is “abnormal”.
What not adopt a completely carefree attitude towards sleep? Trusting the entire process will work itself out. That your body knows how and when to sleep and how to keep you awake when you absolutely must. And that sleeping at any time when it’s safe and convenient, is nothing to be ashamed of. Mainly because sleep doesn’t need any kind of “protection”. Even if you try to “protect” it doesn’t guarantee you will get it either, because you still fear not getting it.
Hello there
Thank you for reaching out. Before I go into much detail, may I put forward a question: Do you know exactly how your body makes you sleepy? How, what, when and why?
Unless you know the exact answers, so why do you feel a need to control a biological process which you have next to zero idea how it actually works? Since when and why did you make it your responsibility to manage this entire process? I can tell you the answer: it’s not your fault you can’t sleep, you wanted to control a process that was never under your control in the first place. And therein lies the problem and frustration, when you fail to control it.
Sleep works like hunger, it happens the longer you go on without it. Another factor is routine. Sleep is part of an ecosystem called the circadian rhythm that self regulates, like body temperature, feeling hungry, or the need to pee or poop, and even breathing. Do you want to control all of them?
Just set a time to get in and out of bed. Try not to worry about the rest, it regulates itself, remember? That’s all you need to do. Also, as you sleep better, which inevitably happens as you begin giving up control and becoming okay with any outcome, don’t be alarmed by waking up more during the night, adopt the concept of befriending wakefulness, because it’s okay and perfectly normal to wake up during the night. As you recover, these episodes often lessen and almost all people can fall asleep again.
Good luck and best wishes to you.
Hello Mercury
You’re doing great because you aren’t talking about sleep a lot. That’s how people with insomnia heal, they speak about it less and less often. They often reconnect with something else and they basically just move on. Keep going and my best wishes to you in the new year.
If you had a bad night, it means absolutely nothing except you had a bad night. There is nothing you can really do about it. Life has to move on, because you have other priorities in life that you need to attend to, right? An occasional poor night is never harmful or unhealthy. It is even normal because good sleepers get them too.
Here is the irony about a poor night: it is actually a sign of sleeping well not poorly. Because your sleep drive has reduced, and nothing can reduce sleep drive except sleeping.
No it won’t affect either. Having any kind of fear including fear of poor sleep won’t negate your body ability to sleep. It will still happen no matter what, like breathing. Or feeling extremely hungry after long time not eating.
No it will not affect. Because sleep is never under your control to begin with. Trying to control sleep is like trying to control your breathing, believing you need to breathe 400x a minute or bad things will happen. So you obsessively try to count your breath every minute trying to achieve that target. Instead of just trusting your body to do its job because it is never something you need to worry about.
Well sleep is like that. You think changing jobs will affect your body’s ability to sleep/breathe. And that’s exactly what you are trying to find the answer to, will changing jobs affect my sleep/breathing/appetite/digestion/pee/poo or whatever your mind is obsessed with. At this time, it’s sleep. The short answer is, whatever you do in life never affects anything that your body already knows how to do.
In the short term, there may be disruption. But this is normal, even normal sleepers get sleep disruptions when they change jobs or work environments. But the difference is they don’t worry about it and they get on with their day and their sleep returns to normal. The same will happen to anyone whether they have insomnia or not. Their sleep always settles down. Focus on the long term and not temporary results. Ultimately, you want to be like the normal sleeper again, where you no longer worry about sleep.
It’s never easy having to deal with insomnia on top of other issues. I know because I spent months dealing with exactly the same thing. It’s not easy, but doable. It takes some time. Be extremely patient with yourself. How much time is anyone’s guess. But over time, you begin to relax and trusting your body about sleep. Because your body self regulates it.
Please go easy on yourself. Don’t pressure yourself too much on too many issues all at once. Life is never easy, but it’s manageable.
Maybe I have said too much. So I’ll keep quiet now and let you digest everything. The path out of insomnia is never about pressuring or forcing yourself. You simply let it go. Over time, you start being you again and you recognize yourself becoming more like your old self pre-insomnia. Then later, you realize your sleep ability did not change. Only your thoughts about it did. Best wishes to you in the new year.
As you recover, you will start sleeping better and also, start waking up more. Don’t be alarmed by this because it is normal. Apply the concept of befriending wakefulness in bed, because it is okay and normal to wake up during the night. Most people who recover often can fall back asleep with little pressure or effort. Sleep almost always happens with the least amount of effort and with trying less, and when you also don’t treat night time wakefulness as a threat or something to avoid. Good luck and best wishes.
Hi Mercury
I think you misunderstood me. Because if you are letting insomnia/poor sleep/doing cbti dictate whether you should change job, then automatically you are already letting sleep concerns (because they are all grouped into this one big category = fear of poor sleep) influence your decision making process. What do you feel like doing if sleep isn’t a concern? Then do that, remove sleep completely from the equation.
I think it’s helpful to separate work and sleep into two distinct and independent categories. They are really not connected or related, what you decide to do in one category really doesn’t affect the other. Although in your mind, at this point, they may seem so but this connection is really only psychological and not real. You will probably start to realize this as you progress further along your recovery journey.
What I will say is, sleep doesn’t need your protection. It doesn’t need you to actively manage it. You need to be completely relaxed about it. If you are sleepy, then you are sleepy. If not sleepy, then not sleepy. There is nothing to feel guilty about. Because how/why/when you feel sleepy isn’t your fault! Don’t keep blaming yourself why you can’t sleep at designated times or why you can’t stay awake when you expect yourself to be wakeful either. Try not to perpetuate the self-blaming game. Be kind to yourself and have faith that everything will work out. Regain that trust in your own body.
Try to let go of control. The only thing you need to do is a nice comfy bed to spend a regular 6.5-7.5 hours to “rest in”. Note rest, don’t overly focus on sleep yet. Just focus on getting comfortable in bed. The rest will fall into place by itself, because your body takes care of everything else for you. Don’t track your recovery at this point, because it starts becoming elusive and the pressure to “get rid of insomnia” by so-so date almost always makes it harder to achieve, which is why you should always move on with your life, independent of sleep. Best wishes.
Hello there!
Happy holidays to you. May I attempt to answer some of your questions as I did cbti before?
1. Microsleeps are extremely common during the recovery process. They also happen to normal sleepers too. They are nothing but a sleepiness cue in my opinion. They serve to remind you that your sleep system still functions normally. They also won’t impact sleep drive in any major way in my experience. And yes, you can put your feet up in a coffee table. You can sit comfortably on the sofa and relax in any way you want before bedtime.
2. Your day job really doesn’t affect your sleep. Sleep drive only respond to routine (getting out of bed at regular times helps anchor your circadian rhythm) and thereby, the amount of wakefulness accumulated during the day. It doesn’t matter how you spend those wakeful hours, whether you are bored all day and probably dozing off here and there, or you spend those hours getting more engaged in a different working environment.
Hope this helps and may you find your way to peaceful sleep again. Remember that insomnia is mainly just fear. Anything that helps you manage this fear is always beneficial to your recovery journey. Best wishes to you and happy new year.
