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Hi @Ingis
Welcome to the club! Of finding out that it doesn’t take a lot of effort to sleep. Anyone can sleep even with a bit of anxiety. Letting your body take over is key. By that, I mean, don’t count sheeps, or try to wish away insomniac thoughts, or even if your mind still can’t let it go, then fine, think sleep thoughts. It really doesn’t matter what you think or do. Just be natural and let your mind wonder. The veil between being conscious and falling asleep is really, really thin. Nobody knows or will know when that flipover happens, it just happens so just by closing your eyes and letting your mind drift off usually does the trick every single time. That is why it is possible for everyone to heal from this, because if everyone needs 0% anxiety in order to sleep, then nobody would have made it and everyone would be crowding up just to see a bunch of sleep specialists all over the place.
Bad nights are a big part of any insomniac’s recovery journey. It toughens you up to face them better because it shows that not sleeping well for one or two nights is actually quite harmless and even normal. You can still get on with your day without much problems. As your fears lessen, bad nights bother you less and eventually they just stop bothering you altogether. The real recovery isn’t sleeping well all the time. It is in not fearing poor sleep anymore. By not fearing it, that’s when you actually start sleeping well. Good luck.
As a successfully recovered insomniac, I can attest to the following fundamental truths about most, if not all, insomnia cases:
1. The best help is no help.
2. The best remedy is no remedy.
3. The best strategy is no strategy.The sooner you quit trying to fight your insomnia, the sooner insomnia leaves you alone.
Ultimately, you must be open to the idea that you might sleep badly and being okay. It’s that mental struggle against it that is enough to keep you awake. You are essentially losing sleep over sleep itself. This whole thing feeds on your obsession. Cut off the obsession, and it just dies away.
One day when you’ve recovered, come back and post your success story and you will find it’s not much different from so many others who’ve also recovered and they all typically share the same basic ingredients I just outlined. Good luck.
Hello @Ingis!
The gold standard to follow is to do exactly what you did when you couldn’t sleep BEFORE you had insomnia.
There must be multiple episodes in your life when you couldn’t sleep. Maybe some of those times were when you intentionally even want to remain awake, such as studying for an important exam, the night before your wedding, attending important interview, or giving an important presentation or even when you were out clubbing with your friends and having a blast. So what makes this time different??
The answer is usually, not a whole lot, nothing changed really. Your mind is just more focused about sleep this time than all the others.
So the question now really is: so how do I get back to the past when I don’t really care so much about how I sleep? Answer: Do exactly what you did before. Forget about sleep! You are alive now, so what is the proof of this? Well not being asleep or wanting to sleep all the time is that proof. Who wants to sleep all the time? Sick people. Or dead people. Why worry about sleep now, as you still have a life to live, versus much later when you are guaranteed to get unlimited amounts of it anyways? Think about that for a moment. Good luck.
Hello @bantu!
I assume you are a young mother probably in your twenties or early thirties? If you hadn’t needed any kinds of meds to sleep all these years ago, there is absolutely no reason why you need them now all of sudden either, imho. The human body (and mums are tough some more) just doesn’t fail catastrophically suddenly like that, if it did, then you are probably in a lot worse shape, maybe even lying unconscious in the hospital by now. The fact you are not, and even have the desire to come here, read all these posts and write legibly and rationally about your dilemma suggests you are in way better shape than you think or even what your doctors are telling you.
I suggest just get off the forum for now. Try it for a week or two. Stop researching sleep or doing anything about it or at least resist the temptation. Set a timeline to reduce your meds (expect disruptions at first but these will eventually settle down). Also set your bed schedule, get into at X and out at Y and stick with it. Of course, as a young mother, you will probably need to wake up more than you’ll want, tending to your baby. Expect this to happen, as do all mothers, so always be kind and compassionate to yourself. Focus on your daily tasks, I’m sure you have a ton as a mum. Whenever sleep thoughts bothers you, take a deep breath, and acknowledge them instead of trying to escape them and just tell yourself, “Yes I know, but let me finish this task first, I’ll sleep when
the time comes. I trust my body will give me the rest I need.” Then return your attention to the tasks you were doing. Over time, people just become better at handling their emotions and the ups and downs. I don’t expect you to be different either.Remember that whatever you are going through now, there are plenty of people who have gone through it all and emerge from the other side, tougher and stronger. So you are not really alone in all this, if these people could do it, then why couldn’t you? People are often stronger than they think, and you are no different.
Remember you are really only afraid of a set of your own thoughts. And thoughts are just that. Just thoughts, they can’t really do anything unless you act on them and wind up doing something drastic. And because of that, you can often adjust your level of response to them. People eventually get over their biggest fears over time. They just do and that’s what makes us humans. As a recovered insomniac, I’m telling you sleep is not worth even spending one milligram of your effort on it. It is something that fixes itself. Good luck and focus on being a great mum instead!
Hey @bantu!
From my encounters with fellow insomniacs and my own experience, people who no longer ask endless questions about their sleep or of others and no longer talk relentlessly about it are invariably the ones who do extremely well. Once you understand sleep and what it’s all about, these people eventually just realise, what more is there to ask? Sleep just is what it is. Your body knows how to do it entirely on its own and your intervention is not only unhelpful but also unnecessary. When you were a baby, did you worry about sleep? No. It just happened on its own. Did you worry like this when you slept less or when you just couldn’t sleep for long stretches? No either. So what happened? Nothing. Your body ability to sleep didn’t change. Only your thoughts about it have. And thoughts are what you are really afraid of at this moment. It’s essentially your brain fear-mongering itself. To us recovered insomniacs, we just recognise this as our brains pinging us with useless crap and we have conditioned ourselves to ignore them when they’re no longer useful.
On the other hand, those who keep going around asking about sleep and endlessly go on forums like these, reading about other people comments and their experiences, in a desperate effort to find that elusive “elixir” that they think will somehow magically solve their “dilemmas” are also always the ones who struggle the most. There is no magic elixir. Personal obsession with sleep is what keeps insomnia firmly entrenched.
Recovered insomniacs invariably always start by letting go bit by bit. It is not hard but not easy either, but you have to start somewhere. I hope this helps. Good luck to you and I hope you find your relief soon.
Hello! One thing about insomnia is it always happens again, for whatever reasons, invariably. It is completely normal to have sleepless nights once in a while so instead of waiting nervously for it, and fearing it, you might as well just get on with your day, with your plans and try to get the most out of your life. There must have been many, many times in your past, especially when you were younger, when sleepless nights occurred that you didn’t seem to pay any attention to, then went on with your day, and your sleep just kinda settled back down. Such occasions might have been an exciting night out with friends, staying up late marathon watching tv, the night before an important exam or presentation, your pre-wedding night, and many more. So what makes any particular occasion any different? There is actually none, your sleep never changed, it’s your thoughts about it that have. Physiologically, sleep stays the same and will stay like that for the rest of your life. Sleep works like hunger, the more you are deprived of it, the more likely you are to engage in it in future, not less. How long can you persist not eating, before extreme hunger takes over? Not very long, one day maybe two days at most. Well sleep works exactly like that. That is why sleep always catches up with you in the end, no matter how worried or busy you are.
The real recovery is not caring how you sleep anymore, so to me, there is no such thing as “relapses”. You either sleep well or you don’t. And not letting how you slept on any day affects you is key. In instances that you are facing, it helps by reframing your thoughts around sleep. There are only four possible scenarios:
1. You cancel the trip and choose to stay at home instead. You sleep well, but there are no guarantees of getting that good sleep, of course.
2. You cancel the trip but you wind out not sleeping well regardless so the trip has been “wasted” because you might as well just have gone instead.
3. You go on the trip, and have a blast. You thoroughly enjoy yourself, and then you sleep poorly. But all is not lost, because you still had a good time despite the poor sleep.
4. You go on the trip, have a great time and still manage to sleep well. Of course, this is the best possible outcome.So by comparison, you will almost definitely have more to gain by going on that trip than staying at home, trying to chase sleep! Don’t chase sleep, let it chase you! Good luck, please go on that trip and enjoy yourself. Sleep should be the last thing to worry about. There’s always time to catch up on it after the holiday anyways!
You could try doing nothing. You could lie in bed, expect that you might not sleep and that resting is sufficient for now. Quit trying so hard to sleep. Even normal sleepers wake up and don’t fall back asleep so you aren’t alone here, because all that is normal. Stop being so hard on yourself. It isn’t the sleeplessness that tires people out, it’s the struggle to control something that’s really beyond you. So whenever I get episodes like these, I just tell myself that the reason I can’t sleep is because my body doesn’t need to sleep for that moment. I trust my body enough that it knows what it’s doing and that it will sleep when it needs to, in due course.
What an excellent post. Imo, this should be the aspiration of every insomniac. Stop trying so hard to sleep. True sleep is effortless, it requires nothing and takes up nothing. It’s the trying so hard that messes everything up.
Hi Colin,
I wonder why nobody mentioned that sleeping 6.5hours per night is actually a very healthy amount imo. Also, if rapid heartbeats present as some kind of a medical problem, then why aren’t these happening in the period from 10pm to 430am when you happen to sleep the most soundly and only “decided” to bother you after 430am after you have had your most restful and potentially most restorative sleep.
Trust me, we’ve all been there. I’m now a recovered insomniac for 4 years now, and I sleep great!
Just a spoiler alert, insomniac isn’t a disease or a condition. It’s just a phobia, in a nutshell. A fear of not sleeping or not sleeping well. And phobias are often overcome by, this might seem unnatural to you, more exposure to the irritant. In this case, having more insomnia to beat insomnia. Sounds twisted at first, but once you come out on the other side, you’ll understand more of the process. A fear of not sleeping is not only irrational, but unwarranted, you were sleeping as a baby, everyone knows how to do it without requiring any learned trade or skill as it is completely natural. The only reasons most people don’t sleep are because, their bodies just aren’t sleepy at that point in time OR, they’re too worked up with excitement or anxiety, in this case, people are simply losing sleep over sleep. The good news is that both conditions are temporary and reversible.
For now, just go to and out of bed at your regular times, and yes, allow yourself to feel sick to the stomach along with rapid heart rate, sweaty palms etc, expect these to happen every night or at any time of the day but I advise you to keep yourself busy with other things, acknowledge these thoughts but do nothing about them and allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgement, don’t blame yourself, and eventually they will come to pass and happen less frequently as time goes on. The ultimate goal is feeling and being okay with sleeplessness or whenever your mind keeps warning you about it. Good luck to you and wishing you a speedy recovery.
Without doing a sleep study, it is impossible to know what kind of sleep you had. Want to know the best remedy for getting the best sleep? Do nothing, Expect nothing and try to Think nothing. Your body knows what kind of sleep it needs and it knows how to get it. Your job is just to set the right conditions for it, winding down close to bedtime, a good sleeping environment and most importantly, a consistent bedtime schedule. That’s all. Good luck.
Hello @asthut!
Welcome to this forum. That’s something we as former insomniacs get used to and eventually get better and better at letting go. We get less and less motivated to respond to such thoughts anymore. To the point that I actually find it comical when I observe my own brain trying to fear-monger me like before that I now interpret as my over-protective mind pinging me with useless crap.
You’ll find your own way to deal with it, everyone does. But the common theme is people just get over that fear and no longer let it consume them. Good luck to you.
