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The idea is this — when there’s no effort or pressure to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen, it has the best opportunity to take care of itself.
And, to get to that point (especially if we’ve been struggling for quite some time) we might have to practice and develop new skills that help us experience wakefulness and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come with it, with less struggle.
Having no expectations about sleep can be useful, especially if the removal of those expectations gives you a better opportunity to focus on actions that are in your control and that move you closer to where you want to be!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds like eliminating medication is an action that’s important to you — and your choice of action is already moving you closer to where you want to be!
If your sleep window begins at 10:00 PM and you find yourself really sleepy and it’s hard to remain awake from 9:00 PM onward, you can certainly experiment with going to bed! Some people like to make the hour before their sleep window begins the last time they check the time and then go to bed whenever they notice sleepiness showing up.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the update, Molly!
You are continuing to practice. Your actions are being guided more by your values rather than sleep or what you might think or feel. That’s not always easy — most of the time it’s hard — and it keeps you moving in the direction you want to be heading.
As you pointed out, it’s harder to celebrate the better nights (and days) — because they aren’t a problem so they often go unnoticed. That’s why making the conscious effort to identify positives and credit yourself for them can be so helpful — your brain usually won’t do it without prompting because good stuff isn’t a threat!
Monitoring is natural and normal and comes from your brain looking out for you. Sleep can still happen when monitoring is going on (and your brain is always going to be monitoring anyway — even without insomnia and even during sleep it’s monitoring your environment to keep you safe).
The more practice you get in with less resistance and more acceptance when awake, the better able your brain might be to recognize that wakefulness isn’t a threat it needs to be so alert to protect you from!
As for romanticizing the past, perhaps there’s an opportunity there. Reminders of what matters. In that past when sleep wasn’t an issue or a concern, what were you doing that you aren’t doing (or are doing less of) now? That’s the stuff that you miss. That you want back. And those actions are always within your control.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for playing around with the AWAKE exercise, Janet!
When you acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, you might notice more feelings of anxiety. That’s a natural and normal and part of the process of acceptance — more noticing. More awareness. More space for that stuff to exist.
Noticing you are awake when you are awake is not a sign of failure. It’s a sign of awareness and that’s a strength.
When you acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, that includes acknowledging the appearance of anxiety. It includes acknowledging a feeling more intense anxiety, too. You are noticing and acknowledging and allowing everything to be present — because you know that it’s only going to show up anyway, so why go to all the effort of trying to resist it?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You’ve got a lot going on right now, Steph!
As you continue to do things that matter, independently of sleep, you notice your problem-solving brain generating completely valid and understandable thoughts and fears related to making mistakes due to impaired daytime function.
And here’s the thing. All humans make mistakes, independently of sleep. And, you are in control of your actions so you get to decide whether to continue doing everything as normal, scale things back a bit, or completely withdraw. And only you know which of those options will help keep you moving in the direction you want to be heading.
I get the impression that your experience has taught you just how capable you can be when sleep is proving difficult — as many human beings can be! Trainee doctors and surgeons, for example, might work over 100 hours each week, get in the region of about three hours of sleep, AND still manage to complete their training and typically without making many serious mistakes along the way.
If you think that driving would be unsafe then you shouldn’t drive — you are the expert on yourself. It also sounds like your most important work is scrutinized by others so perhaps the risk here might be a little bit lower than what your problem-solving brain suggests?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you are currently averaging about three hours of sleep, I’d suggest starting with a sleep window of about six hours.
So, if you want your final out of bed time to be 6:00 AM, then the start of your sleep window (your earliest possible bedtime) would be midnight.
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for remaining committed to a sleep window, Kevin!
By committing to that action, you have noticed a stronger sense of sleepiness as bedtime approaches. You’ve also gained more time to do things that you enjoy.
Your practice of the 3 good things exercise is expanding the focus of your attention. You are better able to notice the good stuff that exists, even when things might be hard.
You are clearly moving in the direction you want to be heading and that’s entirely down to the actions you are taking! I wish you all the best as you continue to move forward!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You could — the reason I suggest adjusting the start time instead is because the body often becomes more accustomed to a consistent wake time.
So, if your body gets accustomed to waking at 6:00 AM (for example), you might find that after shifting the end of your sleep window 6:15 AM or 6:30 AM you continue to wake at 6:00 AM.
You get to decide how to move forward though, since you are the expert on yourself 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It can be really hard when you are awake and you want to be asleep. You have played around with the AWAKE exercise and noticed that it is hard to concentrate in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings.
It feels hard to concentrate when all that stuff is present because it is hard to concentrate when all that stuff is present. Your goal isn’t to “not worry” — I am not sure that’s possible.
Your goal is to practice building skill in experiencing all this stuff that shows up without adding more struggle on top (and that additional struggle often comes from resistance).
It feels impossible to make space for your wakefulness to exist. And you can still practice even when it feels impossible, if you choose to do so!
What’s the alternative to making space for wakefulness and in what ways does that alternative better serve you (or not)?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for raising this!
I get the impression that you are defining reassurance as tapping into your wise mind and reflecting on your experience. So, if a thought shows up that says “I can’t sleep” you might acknowledge that thought and then remind yourself of all the times you have actually slept.
That is aligned with the teachings of the course — especially if your intention isn’t to permanently delete that thought or the feelings attached to it.
If reassurance involved something like calling in sick to work or canceling plans with friends so you could spend the morning researching sleep and/or repeating mantras with laser-focused attention to make yourself feel reassured or eliminate certain thoughts and feelings then that probably wouldn’t be aligned with the teachings of the course — because your actions would be pulling you away from the kind of life you want to live and you are trying to control something that seems to be out of your control.
Does this help make things any clearer?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I’ll share a few of my own — I like to use the Workable Action Worksheet as a guide since it gives me more awareness of the thoughts and feelings that can trigger away moves, and it reminds me of my values and the specific actions I can take to live by them.
Thought/Feeling: Frustration
Away move: Snapping/Yelling at loved onesThought/Feeling: Anxiety
Away move: ProcrastinationThought/Feeling: Fatigue
Away move: Canceling a planned climbing gym session with a friend~~~
Value: Health/Fitness
Toward move: 30-minute workout in the morningValue: Humor
Toward move: Watch a comedy movie/TV showValue: Family
Toward move: Playing with my son~~~
I would add here that you can come up with as many thoughts/feelings that trigger away moves as you like — your goal is awareness.
And, you don’t have to come up with away moves for each specific trigger — again, the goal is simply awareness of unworkable responses to the most difficult/powerful thoughts and feelings that show up.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, and for your kind words!
You learned a lot, even when you still felt stuck. You reflected on your experience and identified actions that weren’t serving you, weren’t helping, weren’t moving you closer to where you wanted to be.
You also identified actions that were helpful. Recognizing that sleep doesn’t require (or want!) any effort motivated you to continue moving forward in a workable way.
You are in a better place now and you still notice the presence of normal human emotions such as fear. You continue to focus on (and commit to) actions that reflect the life you want to live.
As you shared, recovery timelines vary from person to person — if only there was a way to control that! All we can do is work toward recovery. Commit to the ongoing practice of actions that move us in the direction we want to be heading.
You’ve been through ups and downs. You’ve taken (and continue to take) action. You experienced doubts. You experience fear.
And you remained committed to workable action — and that’s why you are where you find yourself now!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Mike! All worries are natural, normal, and valid.
The intent of the NOW exercise is to help you refocus on where you are and what you are doing.
Refocus when your mind leaves the present and starts to travel to the past or into the future.
Refocus when you find yourself getting distracted by the thoughts and feelings your problem-solving brain generates as it does its job of looking out for you.
Every time you practice the NOW exercise, you are refocusing your attention. That doesn’t mean you’ll refocus once and then you are laser focused from that point on. You’ll probably need to refocus over and over.
You can do that and build skill in refocusing. Or you can spend that time on ChatGPT, focusing more on the thoughts, feelings, and worries that you are noticing and trying to validate or reason with them.
As the expert on yourself, you get to decide which is the most workable course of action — and whether or not (and how) you might commit to the option that feels right to you.
Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Things are still difficult and you are noticing more positive and brighter moments. Reminding yourself of that helps expand the focus of your attention, is a form of self-kindness, and can sometimes reveal things that might otherwise get missed.
You are focusing your attention on what you can control — your actions. You are focusing on actions that reflect your values and move you toward the life you want to live, even when things are difficult.
When sleep doesn’t happen as you want it to and when difficult thoughts and feelings show up, confidence can feel shaken. And actions that matter can happen independently of confidence (confidence typically comes from action) — and sleep can happen whether or not confidence is present.
As you shared, the physical symptoms of anxiety are very unpleasant — and they can make it harder to fall asleep (although sleep is still possible). And trying to fight or avoid anxiety and/or those symptoms pulls you into a struggle that only makes sleep even more difficult (although still possible).
As you pointed out, you cannot directly control those thoughts and feelings. For as long as you try to calm yourself, fight, avoid, or otherwise resist whatever thoughts and feelings show up, the more likely you are to feel stuck.
As you know, workable action is the way forward. You have the knowledge (that’s the easy part). Putting it all into practice is what counts (and is way harder)!
You already know from experience that resisting thoughts, feelings, and wakefulness doesn’t work. You want to practice the ACT approach that this course is aligned with. And, I wish you all the best as you continue to practice, learn, and move forward!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Janet and good on you for taking action and implementing a sleep window!
It sounds like you are doing really well with committing to a consistent out of bed time! I don’t think it’s counterintuitive to stay in bed for 30 minutes to do morning prayers and stretches — because you aren’t trying to make sleep happen, 30 minutes isn’t a whole lot of time, and it sounds as though those activities reflect your values and are things that matter to you.
On a side note, I would add that I typically suggest creating a sleep window based on how you’re sleeping on an average night over the past week or two — rather than the kind of sleep you get on the good/better nights. With that being said, if you feel comfortable with your current sleep window that’s just fine. You are the expert on yourself!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
