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Your post reminds me of my podcast episode with Vicky who found that sleeping pills stopped working after 20 years. So, she had to explore a new approach — and that approached proved to be very helpful!
Susie also found herself needing to explore a different approach when her sleeping pills stopped working when she was on vacation.
I hope there’s something useful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you’re getting sleepy on the couch, you have sleep drive!
If you have a lot of experience struggling with nighttime wakefulness when in bed, your brain will go about its job and become a lot more active when you go to bed to help protect you from what it believes is the threat posed by being in bed.
Obviously, that’s not too helpful — but as far as your brain is concerned, it’s doing what it should be doing and looking out for you!
Here’s the thing — it’s not the presence of those thoughts that make sleep more difficult. We can still sleep, regardless of what our mind might choose to think about.
What makes things more difficult are our understandable attempts to fight or avoid difficult or unhelpful thoughts and feelings.
Since we can’t control what our mind does, whenever we try the mind will often generate even more intense thoughts and feelings. Then, we might try harder to fight or avoid them — and before we know it, we’re stuck and trapped in a vicious cycle of more difficult thoughts and feelings and more and more struggle. And, in the presence of such an intense struggle, how likely is sleep to happen?
So, a more workable response might involve training the brain that the bed isn’t a place for struggle (by practicing moving away from struggling with wakefulness when it’s present) and by acknowledging all the thoughts and feelings your brain is generating as it does its job of looking out for you. That way, it knows you’re listening so it doesn’t have to yell even louder!
We’ll be exploring this in a lot more detail from Week 2 onward, but I hope there’s something useful here in the meantime.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You’re welcome!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Right now I do not — but I see how that would be valuable to many clients, so I will look into making transcripts available for download.
In the meantime, you can turn on video subtitles by clicking the “CC” button — not ideal, but perhaps that might be somewhat helpful in the short term.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Guilt is natural and normal — most of us have to really practice and develop skill in self-kindness. It doesn’t usually come naturally to most of us!
If you find journaling to be a helpful way to practice acknowledging your thoughts and feelings and to practice allowing them to exist (rather than trying to fight or avoid them), then go for it!
I would simply suggest being mindful of how much time you set aside for journaling — you might not want it to end up consuming so much of your time that it ends up making it more difficult for you to do things that help you live the life you want to live and be the person you want to be 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sorry I missed your post — I’ve moved it into its own topic 🙂
Waking during the night is a normal part of sleep and is something we’ll explore in a lot more detail in Week 2 of the course.
If we engage in a struggle, trying to fight or avoid nighttime wakefulness, trying to make sleep happen, putting pressure on ourselves to fall back to sleep, that wakefulness becomes a lot more difficult and it becomes less likely that we’ll fall back to sleep — after all, how likely is sleep to happen if we are engaged in a battle in the middle of the night?
What you might want to do is avoid checking the time when you wake during the night (if that’s something you’re currently doing), acknowledge that waking during the night is a normal part of sleep, and then give yourself permission to be awake — to rest, rather than engage in a battle, trying to make more sleep happen.
Again, we’ll explore this in a lot more detail from Week 2 onward — but I hope there’s something useful here in the meantime!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
There is no evidence that insomnia causes any health problem, shortens life, or increases mortality. The human body will always generate, no matter what, the minimum amount of sleep it needs to generate for as long as it is given the opportunity to do so.
Here’s the thing about thoughts — you don’t need to “let go” of them! They’re going to show up for as long as you have a human brain that’s doing its job and looking out for you (thanks, brain!).
The more you try to control your thoughts, the more you might end up struggling with them.
What can be helpful (and is something that can be controlled, with practice!) is moving away from trying to control your thoughts — since that often creates struggle and requires a lot of effort, energy, and attention.
Perhaps acknowledging your thoughts (even the difficult ones), being kind to yourself when they show up, and allowing them to come and go as they choose might be a more workable approach?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Remember that the sleep window isn’t something that’s intended to control sleep — because, as you know from experience, sleep cannot be controlled!
The sleep window is simply one tool that can be used to help us move away from chasing after sleep.
That’s it!
Falling asleep an hour earlier than you planned or getting out of bed half-an-hour later than you intended isn’t going to sabotage your sleep — but any “self-punishment” you might dish out to yourself can make things more difficult because it’s all too easy to then get tangled up in a struggle, trying to fight or avoid your thoughts and feelings (and wakefulness itself).
Note: By self-punishment I mean the human inclination to talk and behave toward ourselves in an unkind way when things are difficult or aren’t going as we’d like them to be.
What do you feel would be the most workable way to respond to your legitimate concerns and worries as you move forward?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the course — now you’ve enrolled, I’ve moved your topic to the client forum 🙂
Fear will show up from time to time for as long as you are a human being — it can be very difficult to experience and it will always come and go as it chooses.
It’s more likely to get stuck if we try to fight or avoid it — your brain generates fear for a reason and if you try to fight or avoid it, it is more likely to make that fear even more powerful as a way to get you to listen!
This is something we’ll be exploring a lot more as the course progresses — in the meantime, it might be helpful to practice moving away from trying to get rid of certain thoughts and feelings by acknowledging them and allowing them to come and go as they choose instead.
Make sure you’re being kind to yourself, too — because this stuff is difficult!
Resting in the morning is fine! Just be mindful that if you are resting instead of doing things that are important and meaningful, you might find it harder to get to where you want to be and to do the things that really matter to you!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
There is no evidence that chronic insomnia causes any health condition or shortens life. I hope this helps!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Marie-C! I have moved your post from the public forum to the client forum, since you are now enrolled in the online course!
It’s great to have you here and let me say that your English is a lot better than my French! I wish you all the best and hope you get a lot out of the course!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I’ve moved your post into the client forum 🙂
With an out of bed time of 6:30 AM, an initial six-hour sleep window might start at around 12:30 AM. Do you think that would work for your lifestyle and might be worth starting with?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Ah, the setback — the true test of whether you’re a human being, or a robot. Congratulations, you passed with flying colors and it appears you are a human being!!!
The only time anxiety “wins” is when we try to fight or avoid it — because that’s a losing battle!
Sleep happens when it chooses to happen. We can set the stage for sleep, but that’s it. When we try to get involved in the process, it all becomes a lot more difficult — as you know from experience!
Imagine you are a keen walker. You walk every day. Then, one day, you get injured and find it really hard to walk.
As you recover, you find that you can walk a bit more each and every day. You’re feeling good. Positive. Happy. All the good stuff! Then, one day, you trip and fall.
Your brain, keen to do its job of looking out for you, then generates lots of difficult thoughts, feelings, and stories. It generates anxiety when you get ready to go out for another walk. It tells you stories like, “You’ll never walk without tripping ever again”.
So, now you face a choice. Do you go to war with your mind and try to fight or avoid all those thoughts and feelings (where has that got you in the past)? A war that will consume energy and attention and make it harder for you to do things that matter?
Or, do you acknowledge what happened, be kind to yourself in return, acknowledge all the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing as a human being, and continue to do things to help your recovery and do things that are important to you?
Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Anxiety can feel really unpleasant and it can be really difficult. And, it comes from your brain doing its job and looking out for you (thanks, brain!).
Anxiety doesn’t stop sleep from happening, but trying to fight or avoid that anxiety sure can (temporarily, at least, because sleep will always happen in the end).
When we try to fight or avoid anxiety or nighttime wakefulness (which is probably our default response as human beings!) we can get tangled up in a struggle that can make all this difficult stuff even more difficult, even more distracting, and even more exhausting).
Anxiety might also stop us from doing things that could be very useful, helpful, or important. And that’s when we’re more likely to get stuck — because then we’re not doing the things we want to do and the anxiety is still showing up anyway!
If the focus of our attention is on the anxiety itself, we can often miss out on everything else that’s going on around us. This can make it harder for us to notice the good stuff that might be present alongside the anxiety (this is where practicing the Three Good Things exercise can be useful) and it can also pull us away from doing things that matter to us.
What might life be like if we can get to a place where we aren’t constantly struggling with anxiety (and nighttime wakefulness)? Where we become skilled in acknowledging its presence when it shows up and are able to use our energy and attention to continue doing things that matter to us (such as traveling to Europe!) even in its presence?
In other words, would gaining “independence” from sleep and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come with nighttime wakefulness be worth pursuing?
If so, I think you’re going to find the course helpful!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s great to see you chiming in with some support, Marie-C — thank you!
@Sunshine — we’ll be exploring workable ways of responding to nighttime wakefulness in a lot of detail in Week 2. In the meantime, I don’t think there’s any need to get out of bed just because you’ve been awake for 20 minutes — that has the potential to create some struggle as it could be an effort to make sleep happen or get rid of wakefulness (things that cannot be controlled).Of course, if you’d prefer to get out of bed when you’ve been awake for a certain amount of time, you can certainly keep doing that — it’s not required, though. What we really want to do is move away from struggling with the wakefulness when it shows up, because that struggle is what can make things even more difficult 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
